There has been a lot of talk over the years about self-esteem and what to do to improve it. Today we propose in this post to do a self-awareness test to find out to what extent you have a healthy self-esteem. You dare?
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First, we can analyze whether we feel an excessive need for approval and / or affection from others. This anxiety is usually particularly noticeable, even if you try to hide it from others.
The adult with low self-esteem who wants to receive affection can be excessively friendly and strive to help everyone, but between the lines it can be distinguished that he acts under the extreme desire to please, and not because of a disinterested affective warmth.
Another characteristic is the insecurity he feels about his own abilities, which leads him to feel less or even act in an inappropriate way. You have strong feelings of inferiority, ideas of incompetence and ugliness that may not really be founded or correct. These impressions and feelings may appear under the guise of worries and regrets, or as compensations for praise and bragging about themselves. These personalities also have great difficulties in expressing with confidence what they feel or think, as well as in expressing justified criticism, making decisions, explicitly opposing or giving instructions..
They tend to cover up all these needs with euphemisms or other far-fetched ways. However, the defect in self-assertion can occur in the opposite direction, presenting the individual in an overwhelming, intrusive and hostile way. They are easily deceived or offended, to which they respond with offensive and presumptuous demands.
With a very low self-esteem, fear and anguish are key pieces that move the individual to develop defensive mechanisms against their fears and alternative solutions that entail an enormous energy drain for them.
In a subject with low self-esteem, the fear that he suffers can be both to win and to lose, since what he obtains from his attempts will not demonstrate "real quality", but will perceive it as a substitution of what his own negative perception dictates of himself.
Once this complexity of thought has been established, the individual with low self-esteem ideas special modalities in order to achieve the affection that he so yearns for. It does so through bribery, charity, the invocation of justice or through threats. In each of them the share of hostility grows. The one who bribes seems to say "I love you, therefore, you must love me and leave everything for me"; the call to charity seems to express "you have to love me, because I suffer and I am defenseless"; in the invocation of justice the message is "I have done all this for you and what have you done for me?"; on the other hand, the one who threatens directly asks "if you don't love me, then you'll see." Finally, when the previous resources no longer work, your wake-up call may be "anyway, nobody loves me anymore, so I better stay in this corner, so that nobody despises me".
The affection devoted to such people is very likely to arouse distrust and anxiety in them. They react as if giving in to that free and sincere expression of feelings captures them in a web of suffering, and may even panic when they suspect that someone who offers them affection is truly sincere..
In the adult with low self-esteem, it is possible to recognize some of the following behaviors, proposed by García, D'Anna et al. (1999).
Although low self-esteem does not mean or is synonymous with psychopathology, it can generate certain conditions such as social phobia, which is usually accompanied by a low self-esteem due to fear of criticism.
In adults, their self-esteem seriously conditions their level of personal satisfaction. As self-concept is built on the basis of relatively permanent perceptions and affections about oneself, an important part of personal self-esteem shifts almost without alterations throughout life, while the other undergoes slight modifications. Considerable decreases in self-worth are closely related to the intensity, duration, meaning, and amplitude of the triggering stimulus; in the same way that stress adopts different severity indices, depending on the spectacular nature of the trauma and its recurrence.
Whether consciously or not, judging and rejecting yourself causes tremendous pain. A normal adult, in such conditions, is inhibited from taking social, academic or professional risks. Along with his emotional life, sexuality suffers important disorders. As noted above, the adult builds defensive barriers. You can be angry with yourself and the world or plunge into a perfectionist endeavor. Or turn to alcohol or drugs.
It manifests or encompasses only specific areas within the life of the subject. For example, a person may trust himself as a parent, but may have serious apprehensions or no expectations of achievement within his profession..
This decrease usually had its origin in early experiences of abandonment, disqualification, abuse or mistreatment. The feeling of "badness", "guilt", "unworthiness" or "incompetence" is more global, tending to cover various aspects or areas of the person's life.
In these cases, the person with low self-esteem appears permanently and generally inhibited. An example of this would be a surly subject, who verbally attacks those who work with him, imposes an excessive demand, tries to influence public life, does not commit himself in a stable way to a sexual partner, etc..
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