Children live a period of rapid growth and development that represents a clear difference compared to the relative stability of adults
In addition to the physical changes associated with maturation, there are important social, cognitive, and behavioral changes that have profound implications for childhood psychopathology and its treatment..
Age is presented as one of the most important aspects to take into account, in the consideration and prognosis of a child's behavior, since what may turn out to be absolutely normal at a certain age may no longer be so at another age (fighting , bedwetting, fears or sexual activity). Behaviors of this type are considered in a very different way and have a different prognosis depending on the age of the child who manifests them. In fact, most of the symptoms of childhood disorders are appropriate behaviors, or at least typical in the early stages of development (hyperactivity, restlessness and even aggression). For example, epidemiological studies of normal children show that parents report that approximately half of their children are fussy, hyperactive and distractible; the most characteristic symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
Age must also be taken into account when determining whether to intervene, the choice of the type of treatment and when to intervene. This is a complicated task due to the systematic changes in behavioral and emotional patterns that occur in the course of development..
To maintain a good relationship it is necessary that communication is good and always open.
The proper order to foster good communication is to move from more consequences with fewer words when they are young, and to more words with fewer consequences as they approach adolescence..
In general, it is best to use more DIRECTION with a young child and more COMMUNICATION with an older child..
Example:
Telling a 2-year-old that the stove burns can make him understand over time that he should not touch it, but withdraw his hand and firmly decide: NO! It makes him understand immediately what is intended. However, a teenager found drinking beer or smoking may need punishment, but it won't do much good if he is not given information about alcohol and drugs..
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When the child suddenly begins to act in a different way, it is very possible that he will try to communicate something.
8-year-old Miguel had become destructive, breaking toys and things around the house. It was discovered that he was very concerned about his father's health, which was precarious, but never discussed in his presence. With help, she was able to express her feelings and stop expressing her fears.
The process of teaching a child to define and express their emotions is slow and requires a lot of insistence.
With very young children it is helpful to use the "feeling tree." As the child gets older it is useful to use expressions such as: "It sounds like you are angry with Juan", "You seem to be worried about something. What do you think it is? ... and fire after a short talk it can be achieved that the child verbalizes that he / she is jealous, ... .
Do not forget either that not only must he be taught to express his feelings but also that a consequence must be added to his behavior..
Example:
Javier, 4 years old, is trying to fit two pieces of a toy together and he can't. He's getting angry and finally throws the toy on the ground. His mother explains that it is normal for him to feel "upset" and that when he feels like he should ask for help. But it also adds a consequence "when you throw things like that you won't see them again all afternoon".
It is very important to find a daily time to talk with our children, in which they tell us what has happened to them during the day and their feelings, so that they feel free to give us details..
Here are some ideas that can serve as a guide for a good parent-child relationship:
The keys to solving most of the difficulties that parents have with their children are to establish rules, mark the consequences that arise from breaking those rules and use consistent discipline.
Effective rules help children feel safe so they don't have to misbehave.
A set of norms defines what the relationships are between family members, offers guidelines for making decisions, and provides ideas about how changes should occur within the family. The procedure of establishing norms and limits for children is not immovable as they must gradually adjust to changing circumstances such as physical growth, intellectual and emotional maturation and the new conditions of family life. If a similar process does not take place in the family, Chaos will be inevitable. All its members will feel insecurity and anxiety when there is a lack of understanding and confusion regarding the role that each one must play to have an appropriate behavior.
The mere presence of the parents makes the behavior of a child not really what it would have. To understand these "other" behaviors we must be able to observe children without them being aware of our presence. Also ask friends or relatives what they think of your child's behavior. When a child is observed, what must be avoided is the tendency to only be the things that he does wrong, instead of observing his general behavior.
One of the main difficulties parents experience when observing their children stems from their desire to intervene in their behavior. If you want your child to behave "appropriately", remember that an unfortunate intervention can only lead to unwanted behavior..
First, find out what the problem is. The best way to define a problem is to identify a behavior that you want to change.
One of the temptations most frequently suffered by parents when defining a problem is to want to modify the child's emotional state or feelings. The most effective thing, on the contrary, is to try to modify the behavior. If a behavior is modified, most of the time the emotional state that sustained that behavior also changes..
Once the problem is defined, the next step will be to analyze it. To do this we need all the information we can gather: When did it arise? How? What are its consequences? What part of it corresponds to us? How do we react? Do we understand why we react in this way? What would we like to do? How would we like this situation to resolve itself? In order to analyze each problem, it is best for the parents, with each other or with another person, to be able to speak.
After analyzing it, the next step will be to consider the different possibilities to solve it. Afterwards, it will be convenient to review each one of them taking into account whether we are capable of doing what each possibility requires, the probable consequences that this may have on the child and ourselves, and also if the solution is reasonable in terms of time. , energy and money.
Consistency is a way of informing the child that the parents really mean what they are saying. The consistent application of good rules will promote order and discipline in the family, provide security and help everyone to offer a better disposition.
Parents who find it so difficult to make decisions about their children have no confidence in how to act.
For some parents, any result that is not an immediate and spontaneous understanding or an effective response to difficulties is a sign of their personal incapacity. This is real nonsense, NOBODY IS BORN TO BE A FATHER. On the contrary, being a parent is something you learn.
It is not easy to make decisions about how to proceed with children. We have to do what we can with what we have. As a parent, you will need time to sit quietly to discuss your children's difficulties and to decide what to do..
When parents are indecisive in relation to their children, they perceive it and this affects their feelings of security and well-being.
If we make a mistake when choosing, parents and children are still together and we can thus correct the mistakes made in the past. This willingness to act decisively, even in the face of the possibility of making mistakes, is what allows adults to acquire a certain degree of confidence, which in turn will provide them with the ability to correct their mistakes.
Parents who are indecisive offer their children an excellent opportunity to be capricious and dominant, creating a climate of increasing tension..
When parents are also willing to admit their mistakes and to learn from them, they are also creating the necessary climate for their children, in turn, to admit their own mistakes and learn from them..
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