Childish jealousy, things you should know

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Egbert Haynes
Childish jealousy, things you should know

All children at some point or another are jealous, be it of their siblings, family or friends. And it is that jealousy is an adaptive and transitory reaction of the child towards a situation. It is an emotional and behavioral alteration in response to an imbalance in the family affective dynamics that existed until that moment. Most of the time it is due to the birth of a new brother in the family.

Contents

  • Jealousy or envy? Two different feelings
  • The jealous boy
  • How does the child show jealousy?
  • Curiosities about childhood jealousy
    • Conclusions

Jealousy or envy? Two different feelings

Sometimes we can confuse jealousy with envy, but between the two there is a fundamental difference that is exposure to the object of desire. In short, you are jealous when you want something that you had previously possessed but now has been partially or totally lost; while envy refers to desiring something that has never been possessed and is also difficult to possess for the envious subject.

Another difference is the existence of affection. Jealousy has an intrinsic affective component that does not appear so accentuated in envy or the like. To get to feel jealousy previously, affection must be received, which moves the subject to recover the lost object, while the envied object is an idealized object that has unattainable qualities, so that the object itself and the image are not sought so much idealized of the same.

The jealous boy

The first thing to know is that a jealous child is a stressed child. Jealousy makes emotions that range from anxiety, restlessness and anguish appear, which only disappear when the rival is separated and closer to the desired person. They may adopt a posture of isolation and withdrawal, or on the contrary, show unwanted behaviors as a call for attention to their immediate environment, even if it is in the form of "punishment".

When facing the changes and events that occur in the immediate family environment, the child's temperament is essential. Children with introverted humor tend to increase this introversion, they can develop sleep problems and dependence after the birth of a sibling, and therefore they may not show affection for the baby.

When it comes to more outgoing and expansive children, they may be reluctant to tolerate the inevitable delays that come with babysitting. They are children who tend to accentuate their low tolerance for frustration, demanding the attention of their parents through tantrums or other manifestations.

The degree of attachment of the child towards his parents and, especially with the mother, also determines the response of the child to the birth of the sibling.

In families in which there is a high level of confrontation between the mother and the child before the baby is born, through frequent prohibitions and limitations, there is an increase in the probability that the child will show irritability and bad behavior, causing an increase in conflict.

How does the child show jealousy?

There is no exact zealotypic behavior, each child shows it in their own way. Therefore, how to know if we are really stopped by a true reaction of jealousy? What are the behaviors or attitudes that indicate their presence?

It is difficult to generalize, but the indicators that we offer below are usually the most common.

  1. Regression: they appear and behaviors of evolutionary stages already overcome. They are reactions that aim to regain lost affection and attention. Here are behaviors such as night urination, desire to be cradled, etc..
  2. Increased disobedience and opposition: it is not strange that the jealous child takes out his emotional tension through rebellious behaviors as a call for attention to his parents.
  3. Indifference: another behavior that may appear is indifference. The child seems disinterested in his surroundings, apathetic, clueless and bored, as if absorbed in his world.
  4. Somatizations: the tension you suffer can lead you to develop various psychosomatic symptoms, such as belly pain, indefinite discomfort, headache, etc. These somatizations are intended to capture the attention of parents and are very effective because they easily attract their concern.
  5. Aggressive behavior: this is perhaps the most visible and recognized trait of childhood jealousy, it is typical of children with low tolerance for frustration, lack of self-control or ineffectiveness in the solution of emotional conflicts. They are somewhat more dangerous because they can direct their anger towards the brother by unloading their jealousy in the form of blows, insults or other types of aggression.

Curiosities about childhood jealousy

Apparently there is a very important cultural component in the appearance of jealousy or other related affections, as well as the way to deal with them. For example, it is known that Anglo-American brothers have more rivalry than Mexicans, a tendency that is accentuated with age. and it is that there are intracultural characteristics that can minimize or accentuate both jealousy and envy.

Childhood jealousy is not a strange phenomenon in our culture, because conditions in our society are such that the child's existence is not always as happy, carefree and protected as it is supposed to be..

A curious case is the one that occurs in Bali. On this island when the family has only one child, parents borrow a child from another family to encourage the "dethronement" of the only child, as if it were an older child..

Conclusions

Child jealousy is part of the learning that every child performs in order to develop coexistence skills with others.

We must differentiate jealousy from other common feelings associated with loss such as envy, rivalry or grief. Each of them has its characteristics that make them "branches of the same tree."

The positive education of children is fundamental and must be based on respect for the individuality of each person. Sometimes, promoting equality between siblings can be a greater source of jealousy instead of the opposite, you have to respect each one as they are, with their differences.


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