Pride How can it affect our relationships?

Alexander Pearson
Pride How can it affect our relationships?

“A proud man always looks down - with disdain - at things and people; and of course, when you are looking down, you cannot see what is above you. " C.S. Lewis.

The healthy self-esteem includes the recognition of our virtues and defects, this implies humility and is a powerful antidote against the pernicious pride; Accepting and confronting oneself, without makeup, filters or retouching, is an act that requires us to be brave and leave our comfort zone.

Accepting ourselves implies knowing our light side and our shadow side, it is an act of maturity, which can help us avoid that relationships that are important to us are fractured for this reason. "Love", said Dr. Fromm, "is the only satisfactory answer to human existence." However, many of us cannot develop our capacities to love on the only level that love really counts, since love implies maturity, self-knowledge and courage..


  • Are you raising your children as global citizens for peace or as tyrants?
  • What is pride?
  • How to treat a proud person so as not to wear down the relationship?
  • Humility Vs. Pride
    • Bibliographic references

Are you raising your children as global citizens for peace or as tyrants?

The existential concerns of children can be many, coupled with those of parents or guardians; Therefore, it is convenient that they be guided so that they build a healthy self-concept, in which they can be able to recognize both their areas of opportunity and their virtues, it is necessary to ensure that these qualities are for their benefit and that of society, not just to brag about being superior, pride is also learned; Do you know how to set limits for your children? Many parents tend to minimize the weaknesses of their children and exorbitantly exalt the achievements, thus managing to inflate the ego in a way that could tend to be a tyrant child.

“Earth is our home… It is a small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood shed by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become momentary masters of a fraction of a point. Think of the endless cruelties committed by the inhabitants of one place of the point on the barely distinguishable inhabitants of some other part of the point. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill each other, fervent are their hatreds. Our positions, our supposed importance, the mirage that we occupy a privileged position in the universe… there is not a hint that help is coming from somewhere else to save us from ourselves. We depend only on ourselves… To me, it underscores our responsibility to treat each other with more kindness and compassion, and to preserve and love that pale blue dot, the only home we have ever known. (Carl Sagan, 1996).

Individuals need to go beyond their interests, person-centered approaches seek to help develop potentialities and for this it is required to go through a continuous process of new beginnings, giving birth to another person, a different and better version from ourselves.

What is pride?

It is a self-assessment where the person considers himself to be above others, in one or more aspects, which gives him a certain air of being arrogant, arrogant and haughty; thus affecting the quality of their social interactions. Sticking to the philology of the word, there can be no such thing as healthy pride, for this would be a fallacy in itself.

The feeling of satisfaction and joy that we experience when we achieve a dream that we thought chimerical is very different, a goal that we think is unattainable or for which we fight hard; This happiness can be towards something of their own or close and is considered commendable in some sense, such as when a child achieves some recognition for standing out in an area in which you know, that it was a challenge for everyone, even for you as a parent.

Celebrating your successes and those of others with people you appreciate, knowing how to receive compliments and recognition when the occasion warrants it is something healthy, a way to reinforce positive behaviors and serves as motivation to achieve your goals. It is natural to feel joy for our achievements and want to share, after all man is a social being, both altruism and selfishness are common processes in him.

How to treat a proud person so as not to wear down the relationship?

If you are forced to live with a proud person, it is important that you know some keys, so that the relationship you have with him is the most cordial; especially if he is an inescapable authority figure, in this way you will be able to establish more empathy with her, arrive at effective solutions, dialogues and negotiations, as he can even be the typical authoritarian person, so it is necessary to reach him through the appropriate channel , so that their defenses are not activated and you end up being even attacked with some hurtful comment. To do this, it is important that you establish your limits diplomatically and learn to breathe and count to 10.

Personal space is something that must be respected with people who tend to be haughty, otherwise problems may arise in relationships with them. Exceeding the limits of personal distance causes a defense response in the brain, it includes two areas that respond to elements that get too close: the premotor cortex in the frontal lobe and the parietal cortex, so when someone or something gets too close there is an instinctive response that occurs automatically. Scientists explain that the invasion of personal space produces a defense response in the brain, which is why people may feel uncomfortable and in the case of the proud person, they tend to consider it even as an aggression, if it is not a person close to them.

Respecting people's space helps establish healthy personal boundaries. The anthropologist Edward Hall identified different "spheres" to describe that area around a person, that distance ranges between approximately 50 centimeters and is frequent for close people and friends with whom one is in harmony; there are different variables that influence the flexibility of our personal space.

It is pertinent to make respect and assert our rights in an assertive way, to indicate to the other when something has hurt our feelings and we need to distance ourselves a little. Well, as the illustrious Mexican Zapotec Indian, Benito Juárez, said: “Among individuals, as among nations, respect for the rights of others is peace”, this lawyer was president of the country, carrying out important reforms for the good.

We have to know each other and examine our attitudes, to make ourselves respected, to indicate to others with assertiveness and diplomacy when we disagree, when we feel uncomfortable, and we need to change our position, our location or even take time and distance. You can take the Self-Awareness Test to find out a little more about the most important person in your life: You!!

You do not have to tolerate aggressive behavior towards yourself constantly, so it is important to set limits with kindness from the beginning.

Avoid confrontations when the person is in an altered state where they will not enter into reasons, we have to promote a more collaborative and less competitive culture, we do not always have to win discussions, have harmony and peace in our social relationships, it will translate into well-being for us. Speaking at work and academically in greater productivity, group synergy and achievements.

Selfishness is reinforced by the not so pleasant experiences of life, however it tends to split like a double-edged sword. Many of these people have a hard time expressing their appreciation, even when they feel it. So do not be discouraged, or take it personally, it has more to do with their disability, which can be overcome through humility and personal work..

With this type of person "you will achieve more with honey than with gall", speaking with respect, being tolerant and generous can make him reevaluate his attitudes towards you and change for a more favorable disposition towards you. Being people who generally like to maintain control, take into account asking for their opinion, this will help eliminate some of their defenses and they will be able to advance more towards their goals, be they family, academic or work.

Many times behind an armor of pride and arrogance, insecurities and fears hide, people who have this characteristic try to protect themselves with an armor that gives them airs of superiority, imposing, for themselves and for others, rigid norms that they consider that they are the most correct or that they are above those around him. With these barriers, the proud person tries to mask his own vulnerability.

However, something that you must be very clear about, in order to try to understand that foolish being that sometimes torments you and can drive you out of your senses, is that behind that armor of pride and arrogance, insecurities, traumas and fears hide; People who have this characteristic try to protect themselves with a breastplate, many of them were mistreated or abused, even from childhood, in one or more ways, that is why they learned to respond by acting sometimes with their defense mechanisms more primitive, like negation, for example.

When they manage to recognize that they made a mistake, sometimes their arrogance prevents them from apologizing, which results in a withdrawal that can end in isolation and loneliness -which is not enjoyed too much-, fracturing and wearing out relationships that were important for " not wanting to twist their arm and appear weak ”, since they do not allow themselves to be vulnerable at times.

Due to those characteristic airs of superiority, they try to impose and exercise control, for themselves and for others, imposing what they consider to be the most convenient..

Thus losing the opportunity to come up with effective solutions, to feel good and to establish healthy relationships.

Humility Vs. Pride

Pride can destroy or wear down relationships, humility can be the antidote, it promotes restorative harmony.

We have to try to be flexible in every way, to promote relationships based on respect and harmony, not allowing excited emotions to lead to unnecessary friction. Try to rationalize the consequences of acting impulsively.

Pride becomes very toxic when it is excessive, seeking balance is always the most advisable for our biopsychosocial well-being. Because it gives an inability to the person to recognize their own mistakes or to admit them.

When the people who hide behind the armor of pride decide to get out of that uncomfortable and rigid zone, in which they have created comfort, it is when they can develop more satisfying and happy relationships.

If because of your pride relationships that were important to you have been worn down or destroyed, try to be more attentive to your actions, at this very moment you could be just in time to heal a relationship with someone you value. If you are more open, you try to be tolerant of others and respect their ideas, uses and customs.

It is very healing for these people to carry out a therapeutic process, to break down those barriers that prevent them from enjoying many pleasant moments, through the exercise of will, psychoeducation and perseverance, you can learn to respond in a way where your relationships are not affected negatively.

If you have a problem with pride, psychologists can help you get out of that rigid armor, which ends up being a prison and the body over the years tends to bear the consequences. You can free yourself from that heavy burden and even forgive the person who has bullied you the most throughout your life: yourself! When we recognize our weaknesses we are showing strength and that is when people can help us. Remember that the Delphic postulate quoted: "Know yourself".

Whatever the situation, we have to observe our interior with the greatest objectivity possible, with love and above all a lot of patience, to be able to discover the burden of the past that we were not able to let go, the one that prevents us from moving forward. If you improve this aspect, you can generate and take advantage of the opportunities that life and harmonious coexistence can offer you, because there is richness in diversity.

Bibliographic references

  • Rogers, Carl. The power of the person, (1980). Mexico. Ed. Modern Manual.
  • Fromm, Erich. The Art of Loving (1956). USES. Ed. Bantam Books.
  • Eisler, Riane. Sacred Pleasure, Vol. II, (1998). Chili. Cuatro Vientos Editorial.

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