What are High Demand Babies?

Many parents believe that all children are the same and that they basically follow similar behavior patterns, but this is not the case, on the contrary. Children can have very different characteristics and personality from each other.

There are cases in which the little ones can become completely exhausting for their parents, and this is where the famous term "High Demand Babies" was born..

Currently, this term has become very fashionable to refer to those children who cry often and constantly need to be cared for by their caregivers. They are what our parents and grandparents called "cry babies" in their time..

High Demand Babies are, in short, very active children, constantly looking for stimuli to satisfy their curiosity

… Their need to learn, that they live life with intensity and passion, and it seems that they do not want to miss a second of what happens around them.

They are babies that easily overwhelm their parents, who have the feeling of not being able to do anything other than take care of their son or daughter at all times.

When did the talk about High Demand Babies?

We owe the first referrals of these children to the pediatrician Dr. Sears, who believed that some parents overreacted to their babies, who they claimed were too demanding. But after the birth of her fourth daughter, who was tremendously crying, irritable and difficult in character, but above all, very different from her other three siblings, her way of thinking was rethought. And it is that the little girl was very demanding, just as those parents were begging for help with her consultation.

This fact motivated Dr. Sears to search for a term that could serve to identify his daughter and in general the children who could be like her, and thus the term "High Demand Babies" arose..

How to recognize a High Demand Baby?

In the first place, we must start from the premise that at this age everyone is “difficult” in their own way, since it is the stage of frustration and the first tantrums. So let's briefly describe the main characteristics of a High Demand Baby:

• Intensity: these babies put great energy into everything they do: they cry very loudly, they almost seem to scream, they eat voraciously, they smile with pleasure and they protest with more force if their needs are not met according to their criteria.
• Hyperactivity: this characteristic is related to intensity. They have muscular hypertonia, they seem to be constantly tense. For this reason, physical contact is very good for them, as it relaxes them.
• Absorbent: it seems that their demands and cries never end, parents often feel as if they "suck" their energy.
• They suckle or ask for a bottle frequently: it is not strange that mothers feel like a real human pacifier, these children can ask to suckle (or bottle) every hour, or every 20 minutes, or every ... it seems that regularity was not created for them.
• Plaintiffs: it is as if we never arrived fast enough with our baby, their demands have an exaggerated "urgency" character and when the day ends we have not even been able to shower to attend to him.
• Frequent awakenings: it is a baby that needs more of everything, less sleep, unfortunately; wakes up every two to three, does not fall asleep ... If you thought babies need a lot of sleep, forget it, they will be other people's babies, not this one. At night it can be truly exasperating. And if you happen to cough or sneeze, there it will be with its eyes open about to cry again.
• Dissatisfied: it seems that we have tried everything and nothing works. We are assaulted by thoughts of incompetence, of being bad parents, but don't worry, these babies are like that, we will have to constantly play trial and error, and we will not always find the solution, do not worry.
• Unpredictable: what works today will not work tomorrow. You can reread the previous point and you will see that everything is related, it is not your thing.
• Hypersensitive: they get turned on by anything. They are always on the alert, normal noises startle them. They are extremely empathetic.
• Need for contact: it is not enough for them that the mother is close, they want to touch her, to be hugged all the time ... They extract as much physical contact as possible from the environment.
• They do not calm down on their own: they not only need help to fall asleep, like any baby, they also need it to stay asleep.
• Sensitive to separation: finally, the anguish of separation that most babies feel, for them is endless, it seems that it never ends and is worse than that of others.

Tips to facilitate living with a High Demand Baby

If you have a High Demand baby or child, these tips can help you:

1. Take into account your needs. As is normal, you also have your needs. And is that a "consumed" mother will not be useful to the baby, so do not forget about yourself. Make a list with your needs and another with your baby's. Find a way to satisfy things on both lists. For example, walking with a shoulder strap allows you to satisfy your need to go out of the house, and that of the baby to be in contact with you..
2. Allow the baby some frustration. Being constantly available is part of the baby-mother contract, but a resentful or martyred mother will see her competence diminish and will not help the baby in his development. Once you know your limits, you will be motivated to find a way to care for your baby and he will soon get the message: life is more pleasant when mom is happy..
3. Make sleep a priority. Sleep when your baby sleeps and resist the urge to tidy up the house..
4. Practice therapeutic writing. This system is used in other psychological treatments. Writing offers you the opportunity to review your feelings about yourself, your baby, and your motherhood. You can do a review of your procedures and evaluate what works and what doesn't.
5. Look for the qualities of your baby. All these "negative" characteristics that you see now are seeds that well watered can turn into positive qualities. Your baby knows what he needs and knows how to ask for it. Enjoy that I want to spend so much time with you. Once you have started to see the qualities of your baby, motherhood becomes much easier and more bearable.
6. Be patient. A flower is not made and opens in one day. And even if you can't do anything else at the moment, your baby already uses the fact that you are there with him..
7. Focus on what's important. Let yourself be carried away by the flow of events, focus on what is important and do not waste energy on small things. One of the most difficult points to handle in these cases is the constant criticism from family and friends who do not know anything about this type of children and consider that they are "bad" or that you are not doing well. Don't be swayed by other people's comments, even if they seem well-intentioned.
8. Realize that your baby is unique. Forget about preconceived schemes and see what your baby really is like. Trying to adapt it to those schemes will waste your time. Focus on finding the strategies that work for your baby.
9. Don't compare it to other babies. It is easy to conclude that you are doing it wrong when your baby does not sleep as much as others, or is not quiet like others. Your baby has characteristics, nothing more, that are neither good nor bad. Pass labels.
10. Get out of the house. For a baby, home is where mom is. The open space of the park allows the baby to vent and the mother to relax.
11. If you resent, make changes. Are you starting to resent your baby, your motherhood ...? Introduce some change in your motherhood style that allows you to get out of there. Continue with a style that works for your baby but not for you, in the end it will not work for either of you..
12. Ask for help. This point is really important. Find out who you can count on and for what, so you can count on them in a moment of desperation or simply to disconnect and recharge your batteries.
13. Surround yourself with people who understand you. Find parents who are going through the same thing. You can exchange tricks, ideas ... And receive support without being judged.
14. Share the tasks. Do not try to do everything by yourself as if you were a "superwoman", the father can also (and should) collaborate. Between two the burden is always more bearable.
15. Think long term. Naturally, this is not going to last forever, and if you do not obsess, you will see that there is progress..
16. Look with your baby's eyes. Your son spills the juice on his shirt just as you are going out. "How timely, what a disaster ..." those are the considerations from an adult's point of view. Instead, put yourself in your child's shoes and consider the effects of the situation on him. A change of shirt from a relaxed position will waste less time than if you yell at him, he starts to cry, change his shirt in a bad way and end up comforting him. And your child will appreciate your understanding..
17. Big changes, gradually. These babies are slow to adjust to changes, such as a move. Prepare him for the change by emphasizing the positive: new room, new friends, new school, a nice park close to home ... Let him help you prepare your moving packages. Pack your things last and unpack them first. Expect changes in their behavior due to the stress of the move. The faster everything returns to normal, the sooner its behavior will return to being the before.
18. You are also a mother with high needs. Considering what has been seen, it is clear that you need: more understanding, more courage, more help and less criticism. Actually "High Need" does not refer only to the baby, but describes the baby-parent relationships. “High Need Family” describes it best.
19. It is nobody's fault. Having a high-need baby is not a problem, nor is it a "defect." Your baby has his personality and you have yours. The key is to couple them so as not to crash continuously.
20. Study your baby. Every mother or father knows a lot about fatherhood… but about their own children, which doesn't mean it works for you. A professional knows a lot thanks to the interaction with many parents and children. Together they will give you a lot of advice, and some you will find more useful than others. The main advice here is: observe your baby, anticipate his needs as much as possible, use your intuition until your empathy syncs with your baby's, and trust yourself..