A breakup is something common in life; We have all ever had to go through one, either because it was a toxic relationship or because of infidelity. In most cases, people do not know how to manage these types of situations, hence conflicts arise and increase tension and suffering between the two..
In this article I will explain How to overcome a break of couple, whether it is a formal or informal relationship, marital or domestic partnership, and you have children or not. In the end the pain is the same and with the help of psychology you can better cope with these bad moments.
Facing a sentimental separation, assuming it and overcoming heartbreak is hard, although you don't have to worry too much or give it too much importance. Most breakups go through a grieving phase, but with time and knowing how to manage your emotions, you will overcome it..
To make my indications more reliable, I will base the article on scientific strategies that have been shown to be more effective in overcoming these situations. Before, I will also explain some concepts that will help you better understand the situation you have to face.
If you've ended a relationship, you are likely grieving. Your ex-partner is no longer in your life and you will be going through a process of loss. There are also people who do not go through this stage, although in that case I do not think they needed help.
Without a doubt, knowing these phases will help you understand the process you are going through and avoid certain complicated situations that can cause even more pain. The phases you will go through in a duel are:
In this phase you will refuse to accept that the relationship has ended, it will be difficult for you to believe that the break has occurred, you will feel sad and probably cry, which you should not repress, since it is normal.
If you go through this phase, you will feel that someone has treated you unfairly or betrayed you. If it was the other / the one who left you, you will wonder how he could do that and you will be surprised that it does not affect him in the same way that it is affecting you.
In this phase there is usually a deep sadness and there may be aggressiveness and anxiety.
In this phase, people usually look for solutions and agreements so that the ex-partner returns. You may act impulsively, texting, calling, or asking your ex to come back.
But as you well know, negotiations rarely end well. Every breakup takes a while where you have to assume that one or both of them wanted to end the relationship.
A healthy negotiation could end, for example, by staying as friends and not losing that trust that you once maintained. But it is not always that easy, since for one of the two it could be painful, because you still feel something for that person and do not assume the break.
That is why I recommend taking time until you can meet in person. In case of not being viable, the best thing will be to distance yourself forever.
In this phase you will begin to understand that the relationship has ended and that you will not be together as a couple again. It is then that a deep sadness and possible depression begins, with feelings of reluctance and hopelessness..
Symptoms such as eating little or a lot or sleeping little or a lot and not wanting to go out are normal. But calm / a, since this phase will pass, but how quickly it does it will depend on your way of managing it.
In this phase you accept that you finished with your partner, you are recovering your strength and you do not have so many negative thoughts. Although you have good memories of your partner, they do not cause you as much suffering as before and you begin to talk normally about your past relationship..
In some situations a reconciliation will be possible and in others it is highly recommended that the relationship be definitively terminated.
To cope with the breakup, you must accept your situation and not tell yourself that it is a bad pothole and a temporary separation. It's not that the breakup is good, but it's real.
Expressing yourself and talking to yourself and others is very important, even if you are in a bad mood or very sad.
A good way to deal with this situation is to write a diary of what you are thinking and feeling. Writing your thoughts makes it easier for your brain to process information. Because you do not fully understand the situation, that will help you understand it and know what is happening, since everything has been a shock.
As you have read at the point of mourning, something common after a separation is anger, which will only bring you bad consequences.
Try to recognize it when you feel it and avoid showing it with any action. To do this, you can practice physical exercise, meditate or practice relaxation exercises.
To recognize anger, it is recommended that pay attention to your thoughts and let them pass. Those negative thoughts you must see as black clouds, which will sometimes flood your days, but you must let them pass.
Avoid stimuli or situations that remind you of your ex-partner as much as possible. Your partner acted like a drug to your brain; when you were with her your neurons released dopamine, the neurotransmitter of well-being.
You will have to do the same as when a drug addict wants to overcome his addiction; stop using the drug. If the relationship ended, it is from the past and it is not worth continuing to invest time and effort.
The temptation to go to Facebook to see what he is doing, see photos or call him is normal. But this will only make it harder to get over it, create more pain, and lengthen your recovery..
It is not about forgetting, after all, it is someone who shared part of your life. The goal is to create a new life and to overcome the situation. It will be especially important in the beginning to avoid places you used to share or view photos. In time it won't be so painful.
Other things you can do:
Depending on how much you shared with your ex, you will have to change more habits or less of your life.
To solve the break it is necessary that you begin to build your new life little by little. You will do this by building new personal relationships, doing new activities and changing certain negative habits..
"Create your new life" will be based on creating social and personal resources:
Being independent is learned with the attitude of needing only yourself to achieve goals and live, not needing anyone to be able to achieve things and enjoy life.
It is a competition that will help you achieve professional goals, improve your quality of life and have better personal relationships. Therefore, being independent is not being lonely or isolating yourself, but depending solely on yourself to be happy.
You don't learn to be independent overnight. As in everything, it is necessary to go step by step. Make a list, beginning with simple tasks and moving on to more difficult activities. For example:
The way that you interpret the break and your situation will contribute to the speed of your recovery. A person who after a break-up believes that he is now more independent, has more free time or has matured, will recover more quickly than another who has negative thoughts.
You have to be aware of your perceptions and thoughts in the here and now to change those negative thoughts, feelings and moods..
For example, before a break you can think:
Logically, the second interpretation will help you much more to overcome the situation. Therefore, work on observing your thoughts and question some such as: “I will not find anyone else who loves me”, “I am worth nothing”, “I will be alone for the rest of my life”. This will only help you keep your pain.
Something common in a breakup is that you feel guilty or responsible for it.
This technique is based on you examining the situations that led to the breakup (everything, not just the recent) and logically assigning responsibility to each member of the couple.
It is not about freeing yourself from all responsibility, but about giving each member the responsibility they deserve and not assigning it all to you..
You can reflect and, if it helps, write the new "reattribution".
For example:
The benefits of self-esteem are numerous; is associated with happiness, resilience, motivation, health and productivity.
The key to improving your self-esteem is to change the way you interpret your life, analyze the negative interpretations you make of events and create new thoughts and goals that promote the growth of your self-esteem..
A role model is someone who has already accomplished or does the action that we want to do. Science has shown that role models can help us know how to solve a problem and motivate us.
Do you have an example of a strong man or woman who has gone through a breakup and even come out stronger? Find him and learn from him / her.
You are probably sad, desperate and do not know what to do. The first weeks or even months will be normal. In fact, the weird thing would be that after an important breakup you are completely happy and it has not affected you.
Therefore, keep in mind that recovery is a process that takes time, although you can "give it a little push" if you apply some of the tips explained above..
In relationships there are no good and bad, guilty and innocent, there are simply good and bad relationships.
Overcoming a separation is a difficult and unpleasant process, although with time you will recover and you will even have learned to do better in the next relationship. Using certain techniques, habits and avoiding certain behaviors will make it easier for you.
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