+100 Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho Marx was an actor and comedian famous for his great wit at making jokes and telling jokes. Together with his brothers he formed the Marx Brothers, with whom he recorded 13 comedies, highlighting Goose soup (1933) and A Night at the Opera (1935).

He is also remembered as one of the most recognized characters on American television, not only for his jokes, but also for his physical appearance; big glasses, cigar and mustache.

As an anecdote, on a visit to Montreal a priest shook his hand and said “I want to thank you for all the joy you have brought to this world” and Marx said “And I want to thank you for all the joy you have. has taken from this world ".

As you can see, Marx was daring and resourceful, and he demonstrated this on his television show. In fact, he was so famous that in his day he was often credited with jokes or phrases that he had not actually said..

One curiosity is that Groucho always regretted that he did not finish high school and that he did not go to college. To compensate, he became addicted to books and even befriended several famous authors..

Funny Groucho Marx quotes

In these phrases by Groucho Marx you will appreciate his great sense of humor, his creativity, ability to do comedy and above all his wit.

These are my principles and if you don't like them, I have others

This phrase shows the double standard that many people have, who change their convictions as it suits them at the time.

Man has no control over his destiny. The woman in his life does it for him

The presence of a woman in a man's life usually brings order and direction to his path.

The secret of life is honesty and fair treatment. If you can fake that, you've got it done

Some people simulate values ​​that they do not have to take advantage of others.

Marriage is a magnificent institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

For some people the commitment of a marriage means the loss of their freedom.

Quote me saying I was misquoted

As discussed above, Groucho was given many quotes that he had never actually said..

I remember the first time I had sex, I keep the receipt

Many young people have their first sexual experience in brothels.

No man leaves early, unless the boss leaves early

The hypocrisy of employees who only keep hours because they are being watched.

Why should posterity care? What has posterity ever done for me?

You always have to focus on the present, we don't have any control over the future.

Room Service? Submit a larger room

Some hotels have really small rooms.

Be open minded, but not so open that your brain falls out

You always have to set a limit on the things we accept.

A hospital bed is a taxi parked with the meter running

Marx's description of the fees charged by hospitals.

I am free from all prejudice. Likewise, I hate them all

A very comical expression used by Marx to express that he didn't like anyone.

Anyone who says they can see through women is missing a lot

Ironically, Marx meant that the attractiveness of women is found in the physical.

My mother loved children, she would have given anything to have been one

Using sarcasm, Marx said that his mother had not wanted him. Which was not real, since she supported him throughout his career.

I refuse to join a club that had me as a member

A funny way of referring to the fact that he didn't consider himself a good person.

Son, happiness is made of little things. A small yacht, a small mansion, a small fortune

There are people who believe that money and material objects are the most important thing in life.

I drink to make other people look interesting

Many of the people we meet are very boring and do not contribute anything in our life.

You never sit at a party. It may be that someone you don't like sits next to you

Sometimes we have to talk with people who are not to our liking.

Stop the world that I am under

Sometimes it is necessary to stop and disconnect from everyone to gain clarity.

Apart from the dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read

Books are an inexhaustible source of wisdom, they also teach us to dream and imagine.

I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go to another room and read a book

Most of the content shown on television is entertainment and does not have quality content, so it is preferable to go to the reading that cultivates and entertains us.

Behind every successful man there is a woman, behind her there is a wife

Marx refers to the inclination in American society to have lovers.

Will you marry me? You are rich? Answer the second question first

There are people who value the material more than the person.

It is quite possible that "humor" is a word. I use it all the time and I love it. Someday i'll know what it means

There are things for which you do not need to know much, for example, a person can be funny being spontaneous, without having studied about humor.

Getting old is no problem. You just have to live long enough

Inevitably, the passage of time makes us older and older.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked a jury

You always have to think well before making big decisions.

Excuse me for calling you "gentlemen", I don't know you very well

Marx uses sarcasm to refer to the fact that if he really knew these people, they would not deserve his respect.

I owe everything I am today to my great-grandfather, he was a great man. If he were alive, everyone would talk about him. Why? Well because I would be 140 years old

In this sentence you can see how, suddenly changing the viewer's chain of thought, it can be funny.

I was so busy writing the review that I didn't have time to read the book

Many people judge and give opinions without even knowing what they are talking about.

I worked my way from having nothing to extreme poverty

Sometimes, try as we might, things don't go as planned.

Before I speak, I have something important to say

There are people who speak only to speak, without saying anything in particular.

Next time I see you, remind me not to speak to you again

People who are toxic to our lives must be put out of our way.

One morning I shot an elephant in pajamas. How I get into my pajamas I'll never know

Many times we accuse other people without even finding out if they are really guilty or not..

A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere

Do not believe in superstitions.

Whatever it is, I'm against

Many people oppose changes just for the fact of their opposition, without even thinking about whether it works for them or not..

There is a way to know if a man is honest; ask him. If he says yes you will know that he is a scoundrel

Generally, honest people are also very humble and do not presume to be so..

I never forget a face, but in your case I will be happy to make an exception

There are people who do not deserve to be in our lives and it is necessary to put them aside and forget them.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

We must always trust our senses, no matter how much they try to convince us otherwise..

I must confess that I was born at a very young age

Marx uses irony to refer to the birth of people.

I had a great afternoon, but this was not

There are days that are better than others.

I have the brain of a 4 year old boy. I bet he was glad to get rid of it

By changing the viewer's train of thought, phrases that do not have any logic can be joined together, to make them funny.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again

There are people who enjoy telling the same stories over and over again.

I would love to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes must be given to my agent, as it is written in our contract

Many times the signed contracts are very unfair to the artists.

Wives are people who feel like they don't dance enough

Women enjoy dancing more than men.

Go away and never darken my towels again

There are people who do not have good personal hygiene.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining

Marx uses sarcasm to point out that in the English capital it rains most of the time.

Learn from someone else's mistakes and you will never live long enough to make yours.

You always have to analyze the mistakes that other people make so as not to do the same.

A woman is an occasional pleasure, but a cigar is always a cigar

For Marx nothing was better than a cigar.

Only one man in a million is a men's leader, the other 999 follow women

The only aspiration of many men is to get women, according to Marx.

A man is young as far as his wife says

Marx constantly toyed with the idea that in a marriage it is the woman who sets the limits.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the best place to get a decent meal

You can't live on dreams, things come true.

I can dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I prefer to dance with the cows while you arrive

Ironically Marx told a girl that he did not want to dance with her.

You are the reason our children are ugly

Using sarcasm, Marx said that he was more beautiful than his partner.

If you want to see a comic nude you should see me in the shower

It is always good to laugh at yourself and accept what we have, just as we have it.

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light

A person who thinks that he is complete as he is, never leaves room for new good things that can come into his life.

I have nothing but respect for you and I don't have much of that.

We must not waste our time with people who are not worth it.

He can look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let him fool you. He really is an idiot

Sometimes the first impression we have on a person is usually the correct one.

I love my cigarette but I take it out of my mouth every now and then

As much as we like something a lot, it is always better not to have it all the time and do other things.

He got that look from his father. He is a plastic surgeon

Marx uses the change in the chain of thoughts to make humor. In this case, the viewer would expect a comment about his father's genetics and not about his vocation..

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of others

Many people enjoy the misfortune of others.

Anywhere my head falls is my home

You have to enjoy and love the place where we are.

A five year old would understand this. Send someone to bring a five year old

There are issues that children interpret better than adults.

From the moment I picked up his book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I'll try to read it

Marx used irony to poke fun at some books.

Time flies like an arrow. The fruit flies like a banana

Humor is also achieved by comparing two phrases that have nothing to do with each other.

When you are in jail, a good friend will try to rescue you. A best friend will be in the next cell saying, "Damn, that was fun."

The best friends are the ones who accompany us and share every experience of our life.

Just give me a comfortable sofa, a dog, a good book, and a woman. So if then you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have some fun.

Sometimes we ask for more than we need to be happy.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you

We must always stay away from people who do us no good.

Time hurts all heels

In the course of life it is inevitable that we all receive some injuries.

Hello, I have to go, I can't stay. I have come to say that I must go. I'm glad I came, but I still have to go

There are people who live their lives very busy and do not have time to share with anyone.

Would you mind if i don't smoke?

This is a very good phrase to tell someone who is smoking in an inappropriate place.

I will stop reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18

Ironic phrase from Marx referring to the character in a book, whom he wants to wait until he is of legal age.

For our wives and girlfriends ... may they never meet!

Marx uses sarcasm to represent a problem that people have who have several affairs at the same time.

I've been looking for a girl like you, not you, but like you

It is always good to highlight the characteristics of the other person.

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw the grooms

There are women who are only interested in material goods and not in people.

Was it you or was it the duck?

In this case Marx uses irony to blame someone for doing something.

I never go to the movies when the hero's boobs are bigger than the heroine's

Marx refers to the fact that in action films men are always muscular.

If I hug you closer I will be behind you!

There are people who hug really tight.

With the possible exception of some clothing, hair salons, and Frank Sinatra, there are few topics that all women agree on.

For Marx, women agree on very few things.

Come girls and give up all hope!

Marx uses irony to make it known that he has very little to offer women.

Don't look, but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you

There are people who get into places that do not belong to them.

If you find it difficult to laugh at yourself, I wouldn't mind doing it for you.

It is very important to accept ourselves as we are and know how to laugh at ourselves.

The first thing I remember about myself is that I was born

Marx uses irony to create humor by saying things that are impossible. In this case, no one is able to remember the moment of his birth..

Virtually everyone in New York has four fingers in front of writing a book ... and they do

Writing a book is not for everyone. Apart from skills, you have to write about interesting topics.

Praised be Libertadonia, the land of the free

Fragment of a text used in a Marx film.

You know? You haven't stopped talking since I arrived. They sure got you vaccinated with a phonograph needle

There are people who do not stop talking at any time.

Everyone must believe in something. I think I'll have another beer

Marx did not believe in any religion.

You are a good brother. You make us give a heart attack because we care about your heart attack that you didn't even have the decency that it was real

We must never lie or exaggerate about our health, since there is always someone who cares a lot about our well-being.

This is not a book that you can put aside lightly. Must be thrown away with force

There are books that, directly, are useless.

Anything that cannot be done in bed is not worth it

For Marx, the most important thing in life happened in a bed.

I love reading. My education is self-inflicted

It should not be read because they tell us, but because we really want it.

People believe that they have the right to be happy simply because they exist

Nothing is given in life, to be happy you have to fight for it.

Interesting theories don't make sense at all

People are drawn to mystery and the unknown, but generally there is nothing special behind it..

In my next life, I wish I had Kissinger's brilliant intelligence, Steve McQueen's posture, and Dean Martin's indestructible liver.

The use of sarcasm was common in Marx to highlight characteristics that he did not like in other characters.

My experience in stores? I was a shoplifter for three years

Marx uses the unexpected along with the wrong to create humor.

They threw me an apple, you can see that it was not the season of watermelons

You always have to take things with humor when things go wrong, and not be discouraged by bad comments.

I was with her because she reminds me of you. That is why I am with you. Because you remind me of you. Your hair, your lips, your eyes. Everything reminds me of you ... except you

Sometimes you long for what you do not have and when you have, you do not enjoy.

Either that man is dead or my watch has stopped

Comical phrase to refer to a person being many years old.

I am not a vegetarian, but I eat animals that are

Marx uses sarcasm to declare that he is not a vegetarian.

This is my third trip and I haven't gone anywhere yet

Not all trips are good, you can travel and not enjoy it.

Groucho Marx quotes about death

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow has not come yet. I only have one day today and I'm going to be happy

We have to live our lives thinking nothing but the present.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse

Marx denounced that the pension system of that time did not help people.

I intend to live forever, or die trying

Life should be enjoyed to the fullest at all times.

Die, darling? But if that's the last thing I plan to do!

Death is not to be feared, as it will inevitably come.

What if I believe in life after death? I have serious doubts about life before death

There are people who do not enjoy the life that has touched them.

Groucho Marx quotes about money

A year ago I came here without a penny in my pocket. Now I have a penny in my pocket

Ironic phrase from Marx to mark that he had no money.

Money won't make you happy and you won't make money happy

Money lacks feelings.

Money frees you from doing the things you dislike. Since I don't want to do everything, money is useful

With money you can pay other people to do things you don't want to do.

Money cannot buy happiness, but it allows you to choose your own form of misery.

With money only material things are obtained.

Groucho Marx quotes about love

She is in love with me, but she doesn't know anything about me. That's why she's in love with me

Sometimes we fall in love with people without even knowing them well.

Are you not Miss Smith, the daughter of the billionaire banker? Not? Excuse me, I thought that I had fallen in love

There are people who are only with their partners for the money they have, not for love.

The problem with love is that many mistake it for gastritis. When they are healed, they realize that they are married

You have to know how to distinguish true love from passing infatuation.

Marriage is the main cause of divorce

Marx also based his humor on the obvious, since without marriage there would be no divorce.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. No doubt about it. Whenever you have an affair, your wife is bound to interfere

The variation of the train of thought was one of the techniques that Marx used to make humor.

I know hundreds of husbands who would return home happily if they did not have a wife waiting for them

Marx used irony to refer to the fact that many couples could not bear to live together.

It's stupid to see under the bed. If your wife has a friend, she will most likely hide him in the closet. I know of a man who found so many people in the closet that he got divorced just so he could hang up his clothes

Sometimes the people we love the most can deceive us.

Groucho Marx quotes about politics

All people are born equal except Republicans and Democrats

There are people who will never agree.

Politics is the art of looking for problems, finding them everywhere, diagnosing them incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Marx's reflection on the inefficiency of politics.

Politics don't create strange bedfellows, marriage does

In politics everyone knows everyone.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms

For Marx the military were not intelligent people.

Military justice has justice what military music music

Marx did not approve of military practices and believed that they were not fair.

We must have a war. I've already paid months of rent on the battlefield

Phrase used by Marx in one of his films to refer to the fact that war was imminent.

It is not a particularly new observation, but the world is full of people who believe that they can manipulate the lives of others by creating laws.

For Marx, politicians manipulate people at their convenience.

Groucho's reflections on life

Humor is the reason turned into madness

Things that make us laugh generally don't make logical sense.

Time heals all wounds

As time goes by, the pain we once felt feels less and less.

All geniuses die young

For Marx, many of the most prominent personalities died at a young age.

The downside of suggesting clever ideas is that you run the risk of being asked to carry them out

Creative ideas are often difficult to execute.

I think women are sexy when they have some clothes on them. And if later it is taken away, then you have succeeded. Someone once said that what you don't see is what interests you, and it's true

You should always leave something to the imagination.

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