Woody Allen is an American film director, writer, and actor, known for his quirky sense of humor. He began his career as a screenwriter for television comedies, wrote short stories and humorous pieces for The New Yorker, and in the early 1960s he worked on small comedy shows. It is at this time when he began to develop his character as an insecure, intellectual man with a peculiar way of expressing himself.
What's up, Tiger Lily? (Lily, the Tigress) (1966) is his first film, having made more than 50, among which are Annie Hall, Manhattan, Disassembling Harry, Melinda and Melinda, Match Point, Midnight in Paris, among others..
During his career he has won four Oscars, nine awards from the British Academy Film Awards, among other awards.
In these woody allen quotes you will see the creativity of this film director and you will surely remember some of his films, with their parody elements, exaggerations and unexpected twists and turns. They deal with money, life in general, love, death, education, among other topics, and most are taken from their scripts and interviews received.
-If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
-I think there's something out there watching us. Unfortunately I think it's the government.
-Most of the time I don't have a good time. The rest of the time I don't have a good time.
-If my movies don't pay off, I know I'm doing something good.
-I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want.
-I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Life does not imitate art, it imitates trash television.
-I am a great lover because I practice a lot on my own.
-The ability to be happy is appreciating and liking what you have, rather than what you don't have..
-Eternity is exhausting, especially in the end.
-As a child I wanted to have a dog, but my parents were poor and they bought me an ant.
-If you don't make mistakes from time to time, it's because you don't try.
-My brain? It's my second favorite organ.
-I am small enough and ugly enough to be successful on my own.
-If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
-The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
-Do not think of death as the end, think of it as an effective way to cut your expenses.
-It is important to laugh, but you must also suffer a little, because otherwise you would lose the meaning of life.
-I was unable to join the chess team due to my height.
-You can get to live to a hundred if you give up all those things that make you want to live to a hundred..
-I have very bad reflexes. I was once hit by a car that was being pushed by two boys.
-I don't want to live in people's hearts. I want to live in my apartment.
-I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in 20 minutes. Involve Russia.
-In my house I am the boss, my wife is simply the one who makes the decisions.
-How can I believe in God if last week my tongue got stuck on a typewriter scroll?
-Let me tell you an interesting story about oral contraceptives. I asked a girl if she wanted to sleep with me and she said "No".
-Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.
-There are relationships in which our words say "friendship", while our eyes scream "romance".
-Writing with someone mitigates intense loneliness.
-Talent is luck. The most important thing in life is courage.
-I am thankful for the laughter, except when the milk comes out of my nose.
-It is wonderful to be able to create your own world whenever you want.
-I joke telling the truth. It is the funniest joke.
-The only regret in life is that I am not someone else.
-The man consists of two parts; your body and your mind. Only the body has fun.
-The only way to happiness is to love suffering.
-I've never been an intellectual even though I look like it.
-Dying is one of the things that can be done as easily as lying down.
-What if nothing existed and we were all in someone's dream?
-In California they don't litter, they do it on TV shows.
-I am very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather sold it to me on his deathbed.
-If people had more sense of humor the world would be different.
-It seems that the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept well while the bad ones enjoyed their waking hours more..
-I had a terrible education, I attended a teacher's school with emotional problems.
-Marriage is the death of hope.
-I do not want to achieve immortality for my work, I want to achieve it without dying.
-If God could give me a sign… How to make a deposit in a Swiss bank.
-Things are not said, they are done, because when they are done they say themselves.
-Life is full of misery, loneliness and suffering, and everything is too soon.
-I have no idea what I'm doing, but incompetence has never stopped me from connecting with enthusiasm..
-Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances of going on a Saturday night date..
-When I was sent to the multi-religious summer camp, I was brutally beaten by children of all religions and races..
-I am interested in the future because it is the place where I will spend the rest of my life.
-All I have in life is my imagination.
-Of human weaknesses, obsession is the dumbest and the most dangerous.
-I am not antisocial. I'm just not social.
-It's cruel to bring life to this terrible world.
-Love is a way to avoid thinking about life.
-Confidence is what you have before understanding the problem.
-An artist's job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote to the emptiness of existence.
-Those who cannot do, teach, and those who cannot teach, teach gymnastics.
-The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
-Perhaps the poets are right. Maybe love is the only hope.
-Intellectuals are like the mafia; they kill each other alone.
-You trust your brain too much. The brain is the most overrated organ.
-Love between two women is my favorite option.
-The universe is just an idea that shines in the mind of God.
-Money is better than poverty if only for financial reasons.
-If my film makes more than one person miserable, then I have achieved my job.
-I don't know enough to be incompetent.
-When they kidnapped me, my parents took action. They rented my room.
-There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent the night with an insurance agent?
-I love nature, I just don't want to have any of it on me.
-Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
-We are the sum total of our choices.
-Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
-Why does man kill? Kill for food. And not just the food: there must often be a drink.
-For you, I am an atheist. To God, I am a loyal opponent.
-I was nauseated and tingling all over my body. Was in love or had smallpox.
-Why are the days numbered and not, say, literate?
-Organized crime in America generates more than 40 billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
-Harvard also makes mistakes, you know? Kissinger taught there.
-His lack of education is more than made up for by his deeply developed moral bankruptcy..
-I think being funny is not anyone's first choice..
-In my next life, I want to live my life upside down. You start with your death and you get that out of the way. Then you wake up in a nursing home and feel better every day until they kick you out because you are so healthy.
-There are horrible and miserable things in life. The horrible ones are the terminal cases, the blind, the crippled, I don't know how they do it. It's amazing. And the wretched are all the rest. You should be thankful for being miserable. You're lucky.
-I did the existentialism test. I left all questions blank. I got 100 points.
-If Jesus comes back and sees all that has been done in his name, he would not stop vomiting.
-I did not marry the first girl I fell in love with because there was a religious conflict between us. She was an atheist and I was an agnostic.
-I can make the birds levitate. Nobody cares.
-What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I paid too much for my carpet.
-I hate reality, but it's the only place I can get a good steak.
-The heart wants what the heart wants.
-I don't eat oysters. I want my food to be dead. Not sick, not hurt. Dead.
-Standing in a garage does not make you a car, just as standing in a church does not make you a Christian.
-Curiosity is what kills us. It is not the ozone layer, it is our hearts and minds that hurt us.
-The sun hurts you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. The sun, milk, red meat ... the university.
-I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could die three hours earlier.
-There are millions of books on different subjects written by great minds and, in the end, none of them knows more than I do about the great questions of life.
-My movies are therapy for my depression. In psychiatric institutes, people weave baskets. I make movies.
-This year I am a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
-I read in self defense.
-The heart is a very strong muscle. It really is.
-You always try to make things perfect for you in art because it is very difficult to make them perfect in real life.
-Do not attend any class where you have to read Beowulf.
-Why not? Life is short, life is boring, life is full of pain, and there is a chance that there will be something special at the end..
-I wonder if Socrates and Plato went on vacation to Crete during the summer.
-Humanity is at a crossroads. I sincerely hope that graduates choose the right path.
-According to modern astronomers, space is finite. It's a very comforting thought, particularly for those who can never remember where they left things..
-I was walking through the woods thinking about Christ. If he was a carpenter I wonder how much he would have charged for a library.
-While we wait for the taxi, I'll teach you a lesson. Don't listen to what your teachers tell you. Pay no attention to them. Just see how they look and you will know what life will really be like.
-The most beautiful words in this language are not "I love you" but "benign".
-All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore all men are Socrates.
-Never shoot the air if you are under it.
-Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?
-I like the rain because it takes the memories from the gutter of life.
-It is impossible to travel faster than light and it is undesirable because one's hat is constantly falling off.
-At first, there was nothing and God said "let there be light" and there was light. And there was still nothing else, but you could see better.
Cinema phrases
Funny quotes
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Phrases to think and reflect
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