Education, from childhood and throughout life, influences how each individual will be formed and will be, not only on a cultural level, but also on a personal level. Perhaps the education you are receiving and the learning that you are integrating, are defining your happiness and that of yours, and determining in a certain way the future.
There is no universal key or magic trick to apply an education of ten, but we can take some guidance advice, both parents and teachers, to instill a education provided in which limits and norms are set out, while providing freedom and personal growth on the part of the children, through a climate of assertiveness and reasonable negotiations. In this article we are going to emphasize a series of tips related to positive discipline and its psychological effect on children..
1. Protect and love yours always. Overprotection is not good because it makes children fearful and insecure. But this does not mean that we are cold, which is not advisable. Convey your affection to them, let them know that you are there, say how much you love them and take care of them even from a distance, with love and advice, but without stress..
2. Let them explore. It is learned by discovery, especially in the first years of life. Let them explore, make mistakes, stumble, break something by mistake, find out what and what not for themselves. You always learn from mistakes.
3. Pull and release the "rope". Education can be compared to a rope that binds parents and children. If you pull it, you are drawing it towards you, limiting it, marking your authority. If you loosen the rope, the child will pull it, he has the power, he is free to do whatever he wants. Both extremes are necessary sometimes, but In the medium term is virtue. Do not let go of the rope and always be alert, loosen it when you think it is wise, and tighten it before losing control.
4. Each child is unique. Don't fall for comparisons with others, whoever they are. Each person is different, know your child well and educate him to be himself.
5. A lot of patience. Be patient if your child does not learn something the first time, if he does not do things exactly the way you would like. He is another little person, let him grow by himself even if he does not do it your way.
6. Set limits and norms. In the first years of life, children are not prepared to abide by rules, it is the time when affection is the main engine of growth. After the first two or three years have to begin to clarify rules, from then on they must be adapted and added according to each stage of life. It is important to mark them from the beginning and ensure that they are clear to them, and when the time comes not to give in to their blackmails, or to tantrums, or to crying, otherwise they will gradually lose control.
7. Keep a climate of trust. If your child does not feel comfortable, he will doubt you and everything you say.
8. Be his friend but also his father. It is essential to have a close environment in which the child feels comfortable expressing himself, so that you know how he is at all times or state if he has a problem, because he tells you himself, without forcing him. But be careful, you are not his friend, there always has to be a limit that remembers the authority figure that you are for him.
9. Don't force him to express. If you want to know how he feels or what he does when you do not see him, wait for him to tell you, if you have created that climate of trust there will be no problem, sooner or later he will let you know. If at any point they feel pressured or over-watched due to your control, they will walk away, they don't want a cop on top of them.
10. Try not to ban or continually emphasize your power over them. To prohibit is to incite desire, there are other ways of saying the same things so that they understand them and do them more willingly. For example, instead of saying "It is forbidden to go out without my permission", a phrase in which you emphasize prohibition and authority, which creates an idea of inferiority in the child, you can say "When you want to go out, let me know" . The meaning is the same but it sounds better. Try flipping all the command phrases you say and changing them to positive, sure you get better results and less anger from them.
11. Certain rules can be agreed. There are things that for the safety of the children and common sense cannot be changed, they are rules that they have to learn to abide by yes or yes. But certain limits can be agreed with them in specific cases and they will feel reinforced inside by also feeling responsible. For example, if a rule is “leave sweets for after the main meals”, it must be like that, but if it is a special day, that rule can be ignored, as long as it is clear that it is a specific exception..
12. Strengthens your self-esteem to avoid insecurities. From the age of seven, the concept that children have of themselves changes and even more when they reach adolescence. They are stages of insecurities, doubts and changes. At this time, he should feel reinforced by his parents and teachers, by praising his strengths and downplaying what is not so good. For example, expressing that you always do a very good job on your homework and downplaying mistakes, saying that you are capable of improving and getting what you want if you try.
13. Increase dialogue in adolescence and maintain a climate of trust. This is the most difficult stage and most full of insecurities. Children go through moments of important changes at all levels (physical, psychological, emotional, behavioral…) and they feel vulnerable. It is time to establish a lot of dialogue so that they know what is happening and feel your support. Friends will become more important than ever and will tend to distance themselves from parents. Spend time with him, plan activities in which he feels comfortable, that feels close to you.
14. Always express feelings. At a certain age, children can be more distant and surly, at this time, parents may fear expressing their feelings towards them, but this has to be the opposite. Create a clear and affective bond with your child, a revolution is taking place inside him, do everything possible to create an emotional balance and a healthy relationship.
15. Manage conflicts peacefully. "If you raise a screaming beast, it will not respond when you speak to it." Do not raise your voice, speak calmly, if you are in a tense environment, calm down first and explain later, when everything is calmer. If you create an atmosphere of screaming and crying, nothing will be solved and you will be approaching aggressive responses.
16. Reward better than punishment. When children do things well, you have to let them know and congratulate them for it, so that they feel reinforced to repeat it again. When it is costly for them to do something, it can be stimulated by a reward agreed in advance. Punishments are more complex to handle, and they do not always give good results because they get used to it and lose the effect we intended, in addition to creating more negativity in the child because we focus their attention on what they do wrong, when we should give importance to the good so that it is remembered and repeated. Yes, it is necessary to punish on some occasion, but while it is possible, it will be acted by the reward method. Positive always attracts positive.
17. Downplay the material. Material things are just that, they do not matter, they are not worth it. What really matters goes further, are the achievements, the people around us, our emotions, our own personal growth ... As Joaquín Sabina said, "I am so poor that I only have money", make your children rich with what it's really valuable.
18. Assertiveness. We must always be assertive, but even more so if we are educating our children or students. Transmit messages clearly and calmly, encourages cordial communication, and avoids outright compelling. Things are discussed and an agreement is reached, impositions by force do not give good results.
19. Listen. Always be receptive to your child, listen to their concerns. Sometimes we have a bad day or we are not in the mood, but we have to know how to form barriers so as not to transmit contempt to our child unconsciously.
20. Always value. Our children may not always act as expected, or go through more difficult situations to deal with. Above all, support him, value his efforts, encourage him to keep going and show his worth.
A positive education it is the richest form of growth. It is not a magic formula, but all these tips can help us better direct the development of our children and / or students.
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