The secure attachment it is one of the four relational styles described by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. The term refers primarily to the type of connection a baby has with its parents or primary caregivers; but it can also be extended to include other types of relationships in adult life, especially romantic ones.
Secure attachment is formed when a child, in his first two years of life, can count on the presence of his caregivers and that they will take care of his needs whenever he needs it. In this way, the baby acquires certain characteristics such as confidence in himself and in others or the ability to explore his environment.
Forming a secure attachment bond during childhood has very tangible consequences throughout a person's life. As adults, these individuals tend to have better self-esteem. In addition, they are able to set limits with others more effectively, and have a greater ability to create meaningful relationships..
Due to this, in the last decades there has been a lot of research on what exactly is secure attachment and how it is formed. In this article you will find the most important points related to this way of connecting with others.
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People capable of forming secure attachment bonds with others have a number of common characteristics. These vary depending on the stage of life in which they are, but the bases are always the same. Next we will see the most important.
From the moment they are born, the caregivers of a securely attached baby make sure that all their needs are met. When the child cries, is hungry or manifests any other problem, the parents do everything possible to make him feel comfortable again and to solve the situation.
Because of this, babies with this type of attachment trust their parents or caregivers and do not develop any type of fear of being abandoned, as it does in other relationship styles. In addition, this confidence also manifests itself in adult life, although it does so in different ways..
When they reach maturity, securely attached people have the unconscious belief that most people are naturally good..
Thus, they generally trust others, and believe that those with whom they interact will do everything possible to meet their needs..
Thanks to the belief that people around them will try to help them meet their needs, securely attached individuals have much more facilities than others to ask for help. This generally causes them to actually receive more help from others..
Thus, babies who have developed a secure bond with their parents cry or try to get their attention when they have a problem.
In addition, they show their discontent when they are separated from their main caregivers, and express with gestures and vocalizations their desire to meet them again.
As adults, this tendency to seek support from others continues. For example, research has shown that when a securely attached person breaks up with their partner, they tend to seek the company of others and ask for help in dealing with their feelings. This behavior has been shown to be one of the most effective in processing grief..
On the other hand, securely attached adults tend to seek to collaborate with the people with whom they interact. In this way, they are able to seek mutual benefit instead of trying to take advantage of others, or forgetting their own needs to satisfy those of the rest..
Because their needs have always been met, children with a secure attachment pattern develop greater self-confidence..
This causes that, from their earliest childhood, they show a tendency to want to fend for themselves and a great interest in being autonomous and not depending on others.
Although this may seem paradoxical, it actually makes a lot of sense. Children who do not have their needs covered cannot worry about developing their autonomy.
Instead, those with secure attachment may worry about something that in principle is not so important for their immediate survival..
Thus, children with this pattern of relationships show behaviors such as a greater exploration of their environment and a faster acquisition of certain skills, such as dressing themselves or eating without help.
As adults, this tendency to independence manifests itself in many ways. These individuals are generally more risky, self-confident, and able to set limits in their relationships with others. On the other hand, they often have goals they work on and often find it easier to get what they want..
Often, sudden mood swings in children or outbursts of anger or sadness are ways for the baby to get the attention of their caregivers.
When these behaviors are not necessary because all their needs are covered, children learn to more effectively regulate their own emotional state.
Thus, children with secure attachment are better able to understand their own emotions and those of others, and have greater control over them. In addition, they also tend to develop a higher degree of empathy than the rest.
In adult life, this characteristic generally translates into higher levels of emotional stability. It can also make it easier to understand the feelings of others, which makes it easier to maintain satisfying and long-lasting relationships with other people..
As you can see, developing a secure attachment bond with a baby is fundamental to their development as a person. Achieving this goal will have all kinds of beneficial consequences throughout his life, and can greatly affect the type of adult he will one day become..
But how can you create a secure bond with a child? In this section we will see some of the most important keys to achieve it.
The most important thing when developing a secure attachment bond with a baby is to be attentive to their calls for attention and respond by trying to solve the need they are expressing at all times..
For example, if a child cries, they may be hungry, need a diaper change, or need care.
The important thing here is not so much that you find out exactly what happens to the baby. What will really reinforce the bond of secure attachment is the fact that you try to respond to their calls for attention and the child perceives it. It is essential that this happens most of the time that the little one expresses that something is happening to him.
Creating a secure attachment bond with a baby is a process that takes time and a lot of interactions with the baby..
It is not enough to feed and change diapers; to feel cared for and protected, children need to know that their primary caregiver cares about them and appreciates them.
Therefore, establishing this emotional bond with your child implies that you have to do things like talk to him in an affectionate tone, play with him, or simply interact from a position of affection.
Of course, in order to spend quality time with your child, you also need to worry about your own well-being. Get adequate rest, eat well, and make sure you have some free time to yourself. Only in this way will you be able to meet the child's needs when interacting with him.
Despite the importance of forming a secure bond with our children, it is also necessary to remember that no one is perfect.
Therefore, even if we are fully aware of your needs and want to do everything correctly, sometimes we will make mistakes and act in poor ways..
At these times, the most important thing to remember is that you don't have to be perfect to help a baby develop properly. Just try to learn from your mistakes, and continue to monitor their needs in the future to get the best possible result..
We have already seen the importance of developing this type of bond with our children. But how does a baby who has developed a secure attachment behave? Some of the most important keys to conduct are the following:
- In the presence of the caregiver, the child explores and performs behaviors of approach to other people. However, when it moves away or hides, the baby focuses all its attention on finding you.
- The child shows a clear preference for being in contact with the main caregiver over any other person.
- Baby responds to caregiver attempts to socialize, such as smiles, grimaces, or noises.
- Generally, the simple presence of the caregiver is enough to calm a child's tantrum.
- The child shows joy when the caregiver returns, and is able to show negative emotions (such as fear or sadness) in their presence.
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