Surely you remember a difficult moment in your life when you had to call on a special force to move forward. A force that you did not know, but that you had inside and that was activated and led you to overcome that situation successfully.
That day you discovered that you could move on, get over that moment. And you believed it. And strength, action and a successful result came out. And you generated within yourself a new resource, a new tool to face the adversities of life. Because difficult moments are an essential part of life.
The ability that all people have to overcome difficult moments and also come out stronger is what we call resilience. And it is not a special characteristic for a minority nor is it reserved for extraordinary people..
All of us, to a greater or lesser degree, have the ability to overcome. It is a natural, normal and frequent response in humans. It is part of us, part of our essence and of our priority objective: the survival, survive, remain who we are.
The force that arises is proportional to the intensity of the adverse situation. And the greater the force, the greater the discovery .
But why do people respond differently to adversity? All this has to do with our attitudes, beliefs and values that are the result above all of our experiences..
Successful and happy people carry their backpack of life loaded with high doses of resilience.
Here are some tips for exploring your resilience walk:
Difficult moments are those situations that we interpret as losses, damage or threats to our staff.
Here are some examples: death of a loved one, illness, separation or divorce, job dismissal, feeling threatened, feeling rejected, feeling lonely.
Relive a difficult situation in your life. Bring it to the memory with intensity. Close your eyes and visualize what happened, what you thought, how you acted, how did you feel?
Try to find out what was the key to overcome that situation successfully.
What resource worked for you?
Write it down in a place that is meaningful to you.
One of the hardest moments of my life was the day my mother passed away, after suffering from ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). Invaded by an immense sadness, a feeling of injustice and anger ..., I see how Carlos, my seven-year-old son, runs to look for the balloon that his grandmother bought him a few days before, and throws it out the window, and tells me:
Carlos wanted his grandmother to feel good, he gave her a gift. From that moment and as the weeks and months go by, I discover something that helps me.
I imagine my mother, and I think how she would like to see me. This gives me strength and drives me to improve every day, to smile. To launch balloons into the sky every morning. Somehow I feel the presence of my mother in everything I do, and I hold on to things that she gave us in life to continue growing from there.
MY RESOURCE: do things imagining my mother's smile.
Once you are clear about what worked for you at that time, I encourage you to review how you respond to complicated day-to-day situations. They do not have the impact of adversity but they do test our level of strength to face them.
Review your last week and write down what difficult situations arose and how you dealt with them. I mean conflicts, arguments, misunderstandings, unforeseen events, embarrassing situations, etc..
How do you interpret these situations? Which thought comes to you first? How do you handle it? What action does it take you? How do you feel??
For example:
DIFFICULT MOMENT: my husband picked up the children from school, but it turns out that he has a job and he hasn't told me anything. A mother calls me to tell me that the children are alone. My alarm goes off, I have to run to look for them.
THOUGHT I HAVE: my husband is clueless, he does not take children into account, he only thinks about his work ...
EMOTION I FEEL: rage, anger, rage.
WHAT I DO: Anger leads me to rush out, but I decide to pause. I breathe easy, I am aware of how the air enters through the nose and leaves through the mouth. 1-2 minutes pass.
And another thought comes: my husband may be overworked, he must have had an unforeseen event and he hasn't even had time to call me. I think we have to talk to tell him how I felt and come up with a solution so that it doesn't happen again. I'm going to find a quiet time today or tomorrow to chat.
ANSWER TO A DIFFICULT MOMENT: Initially a negative thought comes towards the other person. If I manage to pause and take 3-4 conscious breaths, this thought transforms into a more positive one that leads me to act with more serenity.
If I can't pause, breathe and look a little further, I act impulsively and I don't feel well.
You can use YOUR RESOURCE also in these situations. To the one who helped you to overcome a very difficult situation. It can also work with these little troubled moments.
You are clear about YOUR resource, the one that served you in a really hard moment of your life.
You have become aware of how you act in the face of small daily difficulties.
Now you have to make a belief from the resources you have and they work for you. You have to turn to this belief and be consistent with it when difficult times arise.
I share with you two beliefs about adversity and difficult moments that work for me personally:
With these 3 steps, you are taking a giant step in your self-knowledge and you are creating tools that you can apply every day and that will lead you to improve your resilience. And this makes you grow and be happier for sure!!.
In the next article we will continue working on issues about resilience.
We have seen how to discover it. The next step will be, how to train her.
What is adversity for you? What do you think a difficult moment can bring you in the short and long term?
Some people turn to defeatism, to not being able to or to blame bad luck or others, and they abandon, settle or withdraw.
There are people who are afraid of change, of what others will say, of failing, of the unknown and in a difficult moment they choose not to act.
However, other people see adversity as something stimulating that puts them to the test, and they believe that there is always a solution to move forward, that a better time will come..
With what word do you identify adversity? With harm or threat, with loss, with challenge or challenge.
Reflect on your resource to face it and turn to some especially hard moment in your life that you overcame with force. What resource did you use then and which one do you use now? How did you approach adversity, from threat to harm or as a challenge-challenge?
Write down your current belief about adversity and assess how you act under that belief.
For example: A difficult moment marks you for life and it is never possible to overcome it.
This belief surely limits us to move forward and we have to review it and change it for another that empowers us.
In the next article we will see strategies to train resilience.
Ana Casares Polo www.anacasares.com info @actraining.es 628 438 130
Trainer and personal coach
Online coaching (professional conversations via skype / phone)
Own method supported by my life-sports experience and supported by a training of the highest quality. Free first session
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