To educate in love, you have to educate from love. To educate from love you have to choose love, unconditionally.
One of the initial tools in psychology sessions aimed at personal growth is "The securities market".
What is the purpose of this exercise? Identify through metaphorical work, the three fundamental values for the person, without which it would be impossible for them to feel developed.
Eight out of ten people put the love, but not love as a couple, or romantic love, but love as the basis of social behaviors.
So love is not another value, like respect or forgiveness, it is the value of values. Everything that is sown based on love can prosper and grow.
Family, social, work relationships ... are an exchange, communicative both at a verbal level (shouting, silence, active listening) and non-verbally (body posture, looks, gestures of appreciation), sometimes economic, of recognition, of help, of affection, stimuli.
With each interaction our inner self is molded and the way in which we show ourselves to the world, with each gesture, we build an image of the world and of the meaning of it and of life.
About thirty years ago, Claude steiner A disciple of Eric Berne, he built an interesting theory which he called “the economy of caresses”, the influence exerted on the human being to grow in an abundance or scarcity of signs of recognition, tenderness, looks of love ...
Steiner's research arose from other studies of doctors at the level of Bowlby or Spitz who affirmed that we not only need the caress of the other in a broad sense, beyond the gesture or the touch, but that without them we feel bad to the point of being able to get sick and even die.
There is therefore a positive correlation between affection, attention, love, care, affection in both psychological, emotional, physical and intellectual development.
Today we know that the lack of an education from and with love (dictatorships, authoritarianisms, overprotection) is the main cause of a good part of the psychological illnesses in the West: from anxiety, through depression to neurosis and even psychosis are born, to a greater or lesser extent, from this lack.
Affection, receiving and giving love, helps generate serotonin. This hormone is essential in mental stability, occupying a fundamental role in emotional reactions to situations of anxiety and / or stress.
Before a caress, a hug, a kiss or a pleasant word, in the child's brain neural connections are created, which will help them form more complex networks and structures in the brain.
Love fosters hippocampal development. Brain area that participates in the processing of learning, memory, space orientation and the control of emotions. Having small hippocampi is an increased risk for problems such as depression, stress, or dementias such as Alzheimer's.
Keep a secure attachment facilitates better development of the hypothalamus, the area responsible for emotional control. In recent decades, disruptive and / or dysfunctional behaviors derived from bond disorders are growing at a dizzying rate.
The deprivation of affection during childhood condemns us to a tumultuous adolescence: mismanagement of relationships and conflicts.
There is no healthy self-esteem without being educated in unconditional love.
Yelling, insulting, hitting, what you're showing is first inability for assertive communication and good conflict resolution, and that your son has to be afraid of you, I don't respect.
Children do not learn with spanking, problems are not solved by hitting or yelling. With each shout and each blow you are sending the message "conflicts are solved by blows and the strongest wins".
Emotional expression is as important as receiving them. It is not negative to say I am angry, nervous or sad, it is adaptive, to name how we feel, and to teach a free management of them.
People who do not usually express their emotions are more unhappy and feel more isolated.
It is more common than desirable to see a child, almost always between the ages of five and ten, in family or friends gatherings, who is counting or asking something, and the adult, even though these are the parental references, pretend they do not hear him.
Or see the child counting his day at school and the father simply shaking his head while looking at the mobile. What learning is there in these scenes? I am not interested in what you tell me, it is not always when they speak to us that you have to listenr.
Both concepts are difficult to acquire when you are a parent if you have not previously acquired and / or internalized them. But it is not mission impossible.
Eliminate phrases such as "if you only have to study that you are going to talk to me about problems", well, yes, for her / he can be as big a problem as for the adult a meeting with the boss. The worries are not big or small in an objective way, they are based on the personal experience of the person who suffers them.
Things don't always go the first time and the first to get nervous are the parents, "run, we're in a hurry, you'll do it another time." If we want him to learn how to make his bed, it cannot be under the clock, because it is possible that he will not do it, you get angry, you lose patience and the child believes that he does not have the ability to perform basic activities.
The more freedom we allow to do things their way, the easier it is for them to foster tolerance for frustration and self-efficiency. You have a 6-year-old daughter and you want to leave the house at 12.00, to get dressed alone, pick up, and prepare her backpack ... Do you think it is feasible to do it with a smile in 30min ?, no, give her the indication with enough time to be able to do it everyday things from humor and love, not from order and authority.
Children do not have to be victims of poor time management by parents, "I don't have time, I don't arrive, I'm overwhelmed ..."
Possibly we would have a life with fewer stumbles if we needed to experiment less and the experience told of another person would help us to act in a certain way, "do not run, you can have an accident", but on rare occasions this is the case, since human beings need stimuli and own experiences not stories told by others. They have to make mistakes, fall and get up.
We all need and more children, to enjoy time with loved ones, playing, reading, going for a walk, even doing housework. Can you think of a sadder image than a family of 4 members each in a room in front of a screen??
The rules, the limits, are necessary for a functional coexistence and good learning, this is applicable at any age.
Children need to know the rules in advance, understand what behavior is expected and why negative reinforcement is necessary if it is not done. Always from assertiveness, love and positive communication.
"You are the most beautiful, the smartest, the best", potential insecure, hostile, arrogant and even narcissistic person. Children are also wrong and are good at many things and not so much at others. A healthy self-esteem is fostered from a realistic self-image, and this is created by assigning strengths and weaknesses according to experiences and attitudes..
If my mom and dad have made me believe that I am the prettiest in the class, when in adolescence experience shows me that it may not be like that, or that this is something as subjective as the choice of pants, I will feel at least disappointment and anger . If I always do things right, it will be that I am the best, right?
It is worth the effort in a education based on love and respect, fleeing from fear, submission, dictatorship and training, to get free adults, with critical capacity and autonomous.
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