It seems impossible, but it is not. It can forget a love that has had a great impact on your life, continue with a happy existence and even rebuild your life with a new partner, although the process is not without pain.
Falling in love causes in the brain an effect similar in a way to that caused by some drugs: it alters the perception of reality and generates substances in the brain that make us feel good..
Therefore, when falling in love ends and what follows is heartbreak, this can cause a kind of withdrawal syndrome in those who are still in love, a syndrome that includes great anxiety and sadness due to the lack of contact with that person..
On the other hand, when it comes to a deep and established love over many years, the breakup is not less painful either..
However, keep in mind that breakups are a common thing in people's lives. It usually takes about three partners before staying with the one that you will spend most of your life.
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It is often difficult to see a way out in this dark tunnel of sad feelings. But here are 11 tips that will definitely help you get ahead..
At first, it may not be easy to get in touch with your emotions and release your pain. Sometimes, the breakup of a great love is such a great shock in your life that it is difficult to internalize that reality and contact your feelings.
You will likely have a sense of unreality for the first few days after the breakup. It seems incredible that this is really happening. To avoid constantly thinking about the same thing, it can help to practice meditation.
As time passes, this feeling fades, at the same time that you begin to be aware of the great emotional blow that this represents in your life and it is natural that in those moments you feel immensely sad.
When tears come to your eyes, don't hold them back. Let them go out, in a place where you feel comfortable, it can be at home, in the company of a friend, or simply alone.
Let out all that pain in the form of crying. You will see how you feel better later. Crying spells will be more frequent at first and then they will gradually decrease as you accept and adapt to the new situation.
It is possible that you feel guilty for the attitudes you had, which could have contributed to the breakdown of this love. Maybe you wish you had spoken or acted differently, and now you regret it.
Or maybe you feel a lot of rage or anger at what the other person did or said, which could also have been a major factor in the separation.
In any case, you must forgive the other person and forgive yourself for the mistakes that one or the other may have had. Forgiveness has unimaginable liberating power.
If you do not forgive, you will continue to be full of bitterness and resentment, you will be a prisoner of these feelings and it will be difficult for you to move forward.
Instead, by forgiving you will be taking the first step to forget this great love. Did you say something inappropriate or behave incorrectly? At that moment it felt like that, and you can always learn from your own mistakes.
Did the other person act bad, hurt your feelings, and get away from you for good? You must also forgive her and let her go, even if the pain is immense.
Little by little you will adapt to your new life without that person who was so important to you. There is no point in fighting a situation that you cannot change, because it does not depend on your will..
Accepting separation means not calling or texting your ex, or keeping an eye on what they do or don't do. It will be difficult at first, but it is something you have to do in order to turn the page and get on with your life..
Scientific studies carried out in this regard indicate that to forget a great love, the first thing is not to contact that person any more, much less try a meeting "by chance".
Accepting the new situation also means stopping living in the past. Memories can hurt you a lot, if you spend all day thinking about how happy they were and what can no longer be.
You have to look ahead and start a new stage in your life and for that, you have to achieve inner acceptance of this separation..
Grief is a stage that occurs naturally when a long (or not so long) love affair ends. It has several phases, which include denial, anger, sadness or depression, and then move to a stage of acceptance and improvement.
It is a process that can take from a few months to a year or two, that depends on several factors. But the important thing is that you recognize those stages and allow yourself to live them.
When you feel anger, try to channel it by hitting a pillow for example. It is natural for you to feel sad later, but try to distract yourself by doing an activity that you like.
Over time, you will probably be able to adapt well and start a new stage, it is that of overcoming, where you feel good about yourself again, the sad feelings are definitely away and at that moment, you will be ready to start a new relationship , if the opportunity arose.
If that person has abandoned you, you will surely feel bad, but feeling like the great victim in this situation will not help you get ahead..
In all breakups there is responsibility on both sides, sometimes more from one person than another. But whatever your particular situation, feeling sorry for yourself won't help..
You may think that you can't live without the other person. Well, you are wrong. You can get ahead and be happy without that great love by your side. So raise your head with dignity, try to learn something from this unpleasant situation and start thinking about how you want your life to be from now on, which surely has many happy moments to offer you..
In one of her articles, Dr. Helen Fisher, a scientific researcher who has dedicated several decades to the study of the biology of love (how neurons work when this feeling arises), says that in order to forget a great love, we must eliminate everything that we remember that person.
Photos, letters, gifts, all objects that can bring memories must be disappeared.
Treat love like an addiction, says Fisher. If someone wants to quit their addiction to alcohol for example, they should get rid of all the bottles they have at home.
With love something similar happens, you have to eliminate the objects that can activate through memories, the neural circuit related to love towards that person.
A painting class, learning a new language, doing crafts in a workshop. Sure there are many activities that you like but that maybe you were not doing due to lack of time.
In particular, physical activity is very beneficial for your well-being and for building new relationships.
Now that you no longer have to spend hours cultivating a relationship, you can enjoy your free time doing an activity that pleases you. It can be a course, going for a walk on the beach or going to the gym.
In some of these new activities you may be able to meet new people, which is ideal to help you get through this bad time..
Doing things that you like will drive away feelings of sadness and create a sense of well-being. Watching a comedy movie or a humorous play can help your nervous system generate endorphins so that you feel better and little by little you forget that person you loved so much.
Although moments of solitude and meeting with oneself are also necessary to process this situation of separation, the support of close family members and close friends can be decisive.
Whenever you have the opportunity and if you wish, share your sorrows with your loved ones, you will see how the shared pain hurts less. They will know how to give you a word of encouragement or wise advice that can help you get through this bad time and look to the future with optimism..
In other words, family or close friends can provide important emotional support that will help you forget this great love. Do not close in on yourself, even if it is painful, share your feelings with the people you trust, they will give you their unconditional support.
Carrying out activities where you can meet new people is another of the important tools that will help you get ahead..
This does not mean that when you go to a meeting of friends or attend a new course, you should go with the intention of meeting someone to form a new partner.
Meeting new people will allow you to have new experiences, social contact and new distractions in order to leave the past behind. You won't necessarily find a new love anytime soon, and if you haven't gotten over the separation yet, it better be..
When a good time has passed and you feel happy and comfortable in your new situation, then maybe it is time to open the doors to a possible new love..
But until then, what you should do is go out with friends, do new activities that you enjoy and where you can meet new people, like to change of scene and not always be in the same circles or simply, so as not to stay locked up at home.
The social skills book "How to win friends and influence others”Is very good and I recommend it to improve your social skills.
There are many therapies that can help you forget the person who was so important in your life. Psychological therapy may be a good option.
In case you decide to follow this path, you should look for a therapist with experience in this type of case, with whom you feel a good connection. Many times, when going through these types of situations, it is difficult to distinguish what you should or should not do.
Many times you will feel confused, and the advice that family and friends can give you will never be objective. A therapist will listen to everything you have to say and can give you objective and professional advice.
And if you really feel that sadness never leaves you, even though you have tried to forget this love for more than six months, then you may be suffering from depression. You do not have to feel ashamed to consult the psychiatrist so that he can determine if you need any type of medication and which medication is the right one for you..
Remember, just because you need medication at one point does not mean you have to take it for the rest of your life. And if so, you shouldn't feel ashamed either.
Look at it this way: just as people with diabetes need insulin for their bodies to function properly, people with depression need medicine to help them feel better..
It is not a question of will. No person with depression can feel better just by wanting it. So if you have any questions, it is best to consult your doctor..
At first, you may not imagine what your life could be like in the future, without that person by your side. And therefore, it will be difficult to make plans in the medium or long term..
But as time passes, you will surely adapt to your new situation and it will be time to start making plans..
Think where you want to travel the next vacation, what reform you can do in your house, think about changing the car maybe or renovating your furniture.
Any project that keeps your mind active and away from sad thoughts related to that love that can no longer be, will help you forget.
The new projects will work as a breath of fresh air for those who have been locked in a small room for a long time, they will clear your mind and give a new meaning to your existence..
And what are you doing to forget that love from the past?
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