To know how to get out of a toxic relationship It is necessary to avoid greater evils, avoid prolonging the situation and begin to live a new life of greater well-being. When we fall in love, it is common to idealize the other person and ignore details or situations that we would not otherwise tolerate..
For this reason, one of the main characteristics of toxic relationships is that they are difficult to recognize by those who suffer from it. Usually the people around them are aware that this relationship is not healthy, the damage it causes in the person and the discomfort that little by little is undermining them. But the members of the couple seem to be unaware of this situation.
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Toxic relationships have several characteristics that differentiate them from a healthy relationship in which normal difficulties and conflicts appear..
In this type of relationship, the person feels much more dissatisfaction and suffers more compared to the degree of happiness and pleasure that it brings. It produces a high level of discomfort in one or both members of the couple because they feel sad, unhappy and anxious most of the time.
The person stops being himself to focus on the other, which becomes practically an obsession, everything revolves around him or her.
As the psychologist Kristin Davin explains, when in a toxic relationship the person does not feel free to say what they think or feel. You have the feeling of being forced to act or think differently in order to be accepted by the other.
Another characteristic that usually appears in toxic relationships is that the person prefers not to spend time with the partner because being alone or alone feels better.
By being alone you have the freedom to act as you want without the reproaches or disapproval of the other. They may even fantasize about the idea of ending the relationship but believe that they cannot do it or do not know how to carry it out.
Also in these relationships a significant emotional dependence on the other is created. The person believes that he only has value because the other gives it to him. Therefore, at the very idea of losing it, they feel intense discomfort, anxiety and confusion because they need your acceptance and approval in all areas of their life..
People who come to experience this level of dependence do not feel capable of enjoying life or doing pleasant activities when they are alone, they always need the other.
Although usually when they share these activities they do not enjoy them either. The emotional dependence that has been generated is an important problem when the person is not able to do anything without the consent, support or approval of the other.
Another of the signs that can help identify a toxic relationship is if jealousy and irrational thinking appear frequently. Sometimes we mistakenly identify jealousy with a sign of love, but what is usually behind it is the need for possession and control of the partner.
And finally, another common characteristic of this type of relationship is having the feeling of not doing anything right, that the partner, instead of encouraging and supporting the decisions that are made, constantly criticize and belittle them. The partner becomes a drag and an impediment rather than an aid to personal growth..
The first step to ending the relationship is become aware of what happens. Recognize that there is a problem and that we are not happy in this relationship.
As much as the people in the environment are aware of the damage that this relationship produces and let the person know it, until she is aware and recognizes it as such, she will not take any step to leave the relationship.
From the outside it is very easy to detect it, but the person in the relationship has a series of factors that prevent him from recognizing it. For example, that despite everything, she is in love with the other person, that she hopes that the other will change, or that her low self-esteem prevents her from having enough strength to finish it..
Once you become aware of the problem, the next step is to lose your fear of consequences that may derive from the break. Many times that fear is what holds the person in that toxic relationship.
It can be useful to think that although there may be unpleasant consequences when leaving the relationship, maintaining it is already having those consequences for our health and well-being.
Another fear that is necessary to lose is the fear of loneliness. You have to discard the idea that alone or alone you will not know how to manage the difficulties that arise on a day-to-day basis..
For a long time, the person believes that the achievements they achieve are thanks to the support of the other, but soon they realize that they are thanks to their abilities, aptitudes or knowledge, and that the support of the other is not necessary to advance.
Once the decision to end the relationship has been made, the most appropriate thing to do is to cut your losses. This implies stopping having contact with the other person, not looking for him or her on social networks to find out how his or her life is going, or asking ordinary people about him or her.
This "detoxification period" is necessary to regain strength and above all avoid the danger of returning to the relationship when it has not yet recovered enough to not return to the person who in most cases still loves.
Asking family and friends for help is a basic and fundamental question. They will help us overcome the fear, sadness and confusion that we feel at the moment of ending the relationship.
It is in loved ones that we have to lean on to move forward. In addition, doing pleasant and leisure activities with them will help us to rest physically and mentally because during that time we will be involved in other tasks.
Sometimes it is also necessary to seek external help from a professional to help us overcome these difficult moments. If you need it, do not hesitate to do it, because it can help you achieve a satisfactory recovery.
Although we have consciously left the relationship and also know that making this decision is the best we could do, it does not prevent us from feeling sadness and sadness.
Sometimes there has been a lot of time shared with the other person and a lot of hopes and resources invested in making the relationship work. Therefore, the feeling of grief is totally normal and in order to overcome it, you have to accept it and go through it..
It is time to think about yourself again, because for a long time someone else's wishes and thoughts have been put before your own.
You need to take care of yourself and do everything that has been left out during this time. Leisure activities, reconnecting with old friends, studying what you have always wanted but have been putting off, etc..
During the time that the relationship has lasted, self-confidence has been undermined and it is essential to work to recover it. As the person recovers, they feel valuable for themselves again, without needing the approval or acceptance of the other.
Do activities that make you feel good and that can help you enjoy solitude. For example, read a book, watch a movie that makes you feel good, visit a museum, or go for a walk in the park..
Look for activities that you stopped doing because you were in a relationship but that make you enjoy the small pleasures of life and recreate yourself in those moments of well-being and that make you feel comfortable with yourself..
After taking the step of leaving the relationship, you may feel moments of nervousness or anxiety. Practicing breathing and relaxation techniques can help you reduce the degree of emotional arousal and help improve your physical and mental well-being..
There may be different factors that lead us to maintain a toxic relationship, some have to do with the history of each person, or even with their way of being or understanding the world, but we can point out a series of common aspects that usually contribute to maintaining a relationship. relationship of this type:
The person who has been immersed in such a relationship for a long time has stopped worrying about himself, has stopped taking care of himself and thinking about his needs to put those of the other first. He has the belief that without the other person he is nobody, that he needs him to be someone important.
Therefore, if the relationship ends it will be worthless, you will not be able to move forward without your support. In addition, having the self-esteem so undermined, many times they lack the necessary strength to take the step of ending the relationship.
The other person is justified, saying that they have had a difficult childhood, or that they are going through a bad time to convince themselves that they can change thanks to their support. The belief that love can do everything has a very negative influence on this aspect, helping to maintain the relationship..
We think that if there is love, the rest is secondary, if we love the other person and do everything they ask and need, we will end up changing their way of acting, we will have a happy and normalized relationship. This is one of the strongest factors when it comes to maintaining the relationship.
The moment the person begins to be aware that the other is not going to change, steps are taken to get out of the relationship. But until the moment that the person continues to maintain this belief, they do nothing to want to end it..
On many occasions, the step of ending the relationship is not taken because the person feels that they cannot do anything for themselves. This is what she has believed for a long time, and whatever decision she has to make in her life, she thinks that she will not be able to make it alone, because she needs the other at all times..
This aspect is directly related to self-esteem. As the person has less self-confidence, their fear of loneliness increases.
Sometimes the relationship does not end because the other person threatens to hurt you or to hurt themselves. Use this strategy to retain the person. There may also be fear of what they will say, or the reaction of family and / or friends when we communicate the news of the break up..
Another characteristic factor that prevents ending the relationship is the feeling of guilt. The other person has taken it upon himself to blame her every time something goes wrong, every argument or confrontation. It holds him or her responsible for their bad behavior, making them believe that if he or she has acted this way it is as a consequence of something they have done.
Therefore, the feeling of guilt prevents leaving the relationship, he thinks that everything bad that happens to them is his fault, so he directs his efforts to compensate or fix the injury instead of looking for a way out of the relationship.
In some cases, this dependence is not only emotional, but also financial. If the relationship ends you may not have an income or a place to live.
This aspect is another very important brake because, as we have mentioned, due to the lack of self-esteem, the person feels incapable of obtaining these resources on their own. If the couple also has small children this factor takes on even more weight.
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