How to be a working mother and not die trying

I know. This title has generated a lot of expectations for you. To you, working mother who do balancing to run the house, be an excellent mother, and continue with your professional life. To you, who in a short time have seen happy hours of going out with your partner and friends, spending hours shopping, beautifying yourself, reading ... or any of those things that you enjoyed doing.

To you, who often spend nights without sleep and go to work with a piece of candy stuck in your hair.

To you, who forget the little work at school in the fall, or that the baby had to take a persimmon to school for the thematic snack on duty, and you feel like the worst mother in the world.

Yes, yes, you. I know you are reading me.

Well, I'm sorry to tell you that it's not easy. The thing about not dying trying, I mean. And I have to use humor because it is one of the tools that I am going to explain to you right now that will help you survive..

Lets start by the beginning

How did I ever become this?

("this" means a working woman who tries RECONCILE (beautiful utopian word where they exist) the wonderful experience of motherhood, with the more or less wonderful professional experience, without forgetting to be beautiful and slim and perfect, and to be a loving wife and great friend.

Well you are here because in western society, women are multitaskers: that is, it assumes the role of male and female at the same time. I think I explain myself.

And you face one of the most demanding and important life challenges a person can go through in their life, and you know I'm not exaggerating.

As you are responsible, you want to be present in the lives of your children, educate them, enjoy them. And since you also like your job, because you want to continue exercising it, and feel autonomous and independent.

And of course, you are multitasking, but that exhausts.

The first good news is that YOU CAN. Just as I tell you. You can handle all that even if it is stressful and exhausting, and even if it means giving up many things.

But calm, this is PASSENGER. If it will happen. Before you know it And if you keep in mind that this will only last a few years, and that then little by little you will regain the privilege of going to the bathroom alone, going out to dinner with your partner or stopping running from one place to another, you will get along much better..

Another thing that can help you a lot, a lot, is having REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Above all: about motherhood, about work, about yourself. Sure you are demanding and perfectionist and you would like to do everything very well.

But being realistic, and not so idealistic, can take a lot of pressure off you. If you intend to get to everything, and get a whole 10, I predict that you are not going to have a good time. And if you are not well, everything will be worse.

ORGANIZE, PLAN, DELEGATE. The Achilles heel. If you are able to organize your home, agenda in hand, as you would at work, everything will work better. Get ahead of things, and learn to PRIORITIZE. And one little thing after the other. Ah! and as important as that, it is DELEGATE. Seek help, professional, or from friends and family. Do not hesitate to ask for what you need. If the other cannot or does not want to, they will let you know. But you try. "To raise a child it takes an entire tribe".

Save, scratch, fight ... for a space and time for you and your partner at least weekly. A two hour outing is very valuable. But to be able to do it you will have to plan and organize first, do not forget it!

Learn to be in "Stand by". In other words, disconnected, on hold. If I am at home, I disconnect from work (but completely!) And if I am at work I focus on work (and not on the washing machine that is about to be put in, or if the child will have a fruit snack). You will make the most of your time and focus on the moment in which you are, and not on another, in which you also cannot do anything.

AND ACCEPT… that:

• Your life has changed forever. Now you have wonderful children who are going to make you feel very full and happy.

• But there are other changes that are temporary: Your children will grow up in no time, they will start going out alone with their friends, they will stop getting sick every two by three…. and that means that you will go back to sleep, you will have sex again, and you will see a whole movie again.

• During those magical years when kids need a lot of dedication from you, it may be a good idea to accept that you won't be able to dedicate as much time to work.. Explore the possibility of requesting a reduction in working hours or a leave of absence. I know, you will earn less money, but remember it is only for a few years. Then you will recover it more than enough if you want! There is a time for everything.

• Delegate… and pay! money again. But you have to be realistic! If I hire a babysitter to help me with the children, my salary will go away! I will change the money! Agree. This is true in many cases. But it makes up for you. I assure! Even if you "change the money", I remind you that it will only be for a while, and then you can do without it.

And that time you will have kept your job, from which you can continue to enjoy and benefit financially. If you leave it because you think that "in order to pay what I earn for a babysitter, I stay at home", maybe later it will not be so easy for you to rejoin your professional life. Or maybe "staying home all day" turns out not to be as pretty as you imagined. Or maybe yes! Think everything well, and do not make impulsive decisions.

And the HUMOR… Take this experience with humor. Learn to laugh at things, to relativize… .when something distresses you a lot, ask yourself if in ten years you look back, and you see this problem… would you give it the same importance? Sure not!

And do not forget that you are a good mother, because you worry about being one. Because if not, you wouldn't be here reading this. And you are a good professional. Yes ma'am. And you deserve recognition for all the effort you make to make everything around you work. Congratulations!