How to Solve Relationship Problems 10 Practical Tips

Relationship problems are common in an established relationship, although they can be overcome and it is not something that should be postponed, since the relationship can worsen to a limit of no return. Currently separations or divorces are more frequent and people are living together less and less.

In this article I will explain how to solve relationship problemsin a simple way but with perseverance and disposition. These kinds of issues must be resolved actively, you cannot wait for the solution to arrive by magic.

Is it that now people are not happier living as a couple and before they were? Is it that now we can't hold on as much as before? I have heard those opinions hundreds of times. That before there was perseverance in the couple, that before they loved each other throughout their lives.

In my opinion, the cause is not that now we can endure less or do not know how to live together, but that currently there is greater freedom and divorce is not badly perceived socially. If you get divorced today it will be normal and few will criticize them. And your opinion what is?

Practical tips for solving relationship problems

1-Understand your partner's personal rules

We all have personal rules that we have been building throughout our existence. 

For example, several rules of your partner could be: "I feel loved by my partner when he hugs me", "I feel respected when they tell me where they are going and ask me about my problems", "I feel comfortable when the house is clean and orderly ".

Failure to conform to those rules can be a major cause of deterioration in a relationship. And yet, it is rare that they know each other, because we tend to believe that the other person has "our same vision of the world" and that is not the case..

Solutions:

• Be interested in finding out your partner's "personal rules". Ask him what bothers him and what he likes and observe.
• Try to adapt to those personal rules and not break them.
• Communicate your "personal rules" to your partner. For example: "I would feel respected if when you get home you tell me where you have been" or "I would feel more loved if when you get home you give me a kiss".
• Create common rules: for example, "when we see that we are going to start arguing angrily we will quickly start to do something else until the anger subsides" or "when I get angry I will tell you and start to do something else".

2-Use assertive language

"There is no one who understands you", "you will never change" or "you have a bad head" are aggressive expressions and personal attack that will never feel good to anyone and that they may remember for a long time.

It is that language that you have to eliminate from your vocabulary and change it for another that is not aggressive. You can change “no one understands you” for “I don't understand you”, “you will never change” for “I would like you to make bed in the morning” and avoid insults such as “you are sick in the head” or “you are mad".

Solutions:

• When you want to express something that makes you uncomfortable, do not attack something personal - these are destructive criticisms - but something specific. For example, you can say that the food is a little burned instead of telling him that he is a bad cook. You can also say that he has not cleaned instead of saying that he is dirty.
• Never insult.
• Control your facial expression and non-verbal communication. Be assertive, not aggressive. 
• Avoid returning attacks and therefore escalation of discussions.

3-Respect your partner

About a month ago I spoke with a friend who kept criticizing her boyfriend (which seems disrespectful to me). I told her that then why was she with him and she said that she would have to look for something better. Amazing! A total display of emotional dependence.

This example is only a form of disrespect, although there are many more: lying, despising, not being considerate, not being interested in the problems of the other ...

Solutions:

• If you really love your partner, feel a sincere curiosity and respect and it will show..
• Don't discuss your partner's personal issues in public. They are personal and private.
• Worry about problems and show your interest in helping to solve them, but without overwhelming.
• Don't let them treat you badly either. If they do, communicate it assertively and if the disrespect continues, reflect on whether it is best to walk away..

4-Be grateful for having your partner

It is very common for some member of the couple -or both- to get used to it and believe that their partner will be by their side all their life, regardless of whether they are not as friendly or attentive as they were before..

However, one day one of the two begins to get tired, begins to think about what his life would be like with another person or knows another person. Until you get tired and leave your spouse or boyfriend / girlfriend.

Solutions:

• Try to be attentive and kind in a persistent way.
• Know what makes your partner happy.
• Do new things: activities together, travel ...

5-Do not be emotionally dependent

This would be the opposite of the previous case. It is not good to "pass on the partner" although it is not good to be too dependent and be aware of the partner all day, needing them for everything. 

In reality, this dependent behavior is what causes the person to move away and show less interest. Also being dependent is not healthy and is dysfunctional. 

Solutions:

• Seek to be happy and independent. But that happiness does not depend on your partner. That is, your partner will be one more part of your happiness..
• Do activities independently, it is not good to share everything with your partner. It is healthy for each member of the couple to have their own life. In this way there would be "life in common" and "individual life". 
• Work on your self-esteem, dependent people tend to have it low.

6-Be open and improve your communication

It is not that you have to tell your whole life, even your traumatic experiences. If you feel comfortable go ahead even though you are not obliged.

Although your partner may feel annoyed if you do not share with her certain information that is much more serious such as that party outing, a child with another partner, a previous marriage ... Here there would already be a lie or at least hide the truth.

Solutions:

• Share with your partner the information you think is necessary for your comfort: previous weddings, children, parties, friendships ...
• Do not lie, because in the end it is very likely that the truth will be known.

7-Show confidence

Trust is basic in the couple. If you are not able to build it or if you feel that you can no longer trust it, you will not be able to feel true well-being.

It is likely that if you do not trust, you are constantly wondering how to leave her or if you should separate. You may not do it because you are afraid of being alone or alone and prefer to be with someone. 

Over time, everything deteriorates because you will show the same interest, consideration and affection as before and your partner will notice, doing the same, which in turn will affect you. This becomes a cycle whose end is separation.

Solutions:

• Try to build trust. Communicate with your partner to convey what things you would like him to change.
• Show that your partner can trust you. Be considerate and try to adapt to him / her.
• The adaptation of one to another does not have to be total and unidirectional. That is, each member has to "put their elbow a little closer".

8-Pay attention to your partner

It is true that this is something that men fall into the most. Men are usually less able to perceive how their women are feeling from facial expressions.

Those expressions such as "there is no one who understands you" are then given. In reality, the couple is showing a series of gestures or behavior that they hope you feel worried about and you may not even notice. In fact, women sometimes have to be extremely desolate for the husband or boyfriend to notice and show interest..

Solutions:

• Be attentive to your partner's body signals and mood. It is not that you are asking all day if it is okay, only when you see important changes.
• Try to encourage the other person when you perceive these moods.

9-Do not show passive aggressiveness

In my opinion, passive aggressiveness is one of the most unpleasant and disrespectful behaviors that can be.

They are behaviors like:

• Not talking to the partner.
• Criticize behind the back or try to discredit.
• Ignore.
• Voluntarily trying to nag to make the other person feel bad.

Normally people believe that it is not aggressiveness although it is, because it is undermining the self-esteem and personal value of the other person. It is therefore a great lack of respect and the other person will take it into account.

Solutions:

• Be aware of these kinds of behaviors and avoid them. Don't show them and don't let them show them to you either.
• If you are in a bad mood because your partner has done something that you do not like, let them know. You could say “now I don't feel like talking, I'm angry because you haven't paid any attention to me. Please leave me alone ".
• Retaliatory actions that hurt only cause guilt and more damage. Also, if you really want to show it, the best solution may be to walk away or end the relationship. End the relationship before you avenge yourself. 

10-Control negative thoughts

Toxic thoughts are the triggers for many pointless discussions. They are due to a misinterpretation of behaviors, statements or attitudes.

Some examples are:

• Feeling slighted because your partner is watching TV and not looking at you. You may think "look at him, he's already watching the game and he belittles me". 
• Feeling jealous that your partner is happily talking to someone else. You might think "they are fooling around, surely they have already messed up." You can read this article on how to overcome jealousy.
• Misinterpreting neutral statements. For example, your partner says "can you get me a glass of water?" and you think "he's already having me as a slave".

Solutions:

• Question toxic thoughts and avoid them. How do you know they are true? Have you checked?
• Learn to communicate assertively and without making personal attacks.
• Don't let those toxic thoughts influence you to display hurtful or aggressive behavior..

Other tips

• Calm down when you notice that you are about to "explode" in an argument..
• Avoid negative self-talk..
• Listen when your partner talks and develop your empathy.
• Think that your partner is not your property. Just share your life.

And what problems do you usually have? Have you been able to solve them? What has served you? I am interested in your opinion. Thanks!