What can happen if when you ask yourself important questions you come across that aspect of your personality, the indecisive part? Where does this facet come from and how can it influence our lives?
There is no risk of error if you start from a - I don't know -. There are many individuals who avoid making a mistake at all costs by letting opportunities slip away, the possibility of meeting important people and, above all, leaving a precious personal space to learn incomplete..
Rescuing the origins
Let's go back to when we were little How do children learn to walk? They struggle enormously to stand up, take a wobbly first step, and fall. Fortunately, they do not have in mind the concepts of failure, or error, otherwise no one would walk. We all have a great method that comes from our inner wisdom or our intuition and to learn to walk we had to base ourselves, at some point, on trying, making mistakes, rectifying, learning and starting over. Now, imagine that in the face of our first trip we had decided then not to try again.What would have happened to us??
However, what prevailed was the brilliant idea of -If I see that everyone can do it, I will too-. I will walk.
As we grow older, it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain that positive attitude when faced with the possibility of trying something different. This is because we begin to value praise from parents and teachers and it is natural that we want to do things right to get more approval from all of them..
When we make a mistake, we get the opposite. In this sense, we can be influenced by the pressure of the environment: be ridiculed making a mistake can be a really painful experience with long-term repercussions. Therefore, it is normal that we do everything possible not to make mistakes, although in reality, as we will see, it is not a particularly useful attitude when we want to introduce changes and progress in life.
People who postpone their decisions end up believing that they are toys of fate, as if their will is broken. Sometimes their feelings of sadness or their own beliefs do not allow them to see any healthy alternatives.
In the individual coaching sessions, I can hear some of the reasons that people proclaim for not making decisions, for example: "everything should be simple and easy" so they move away from the difficult and the complicated, they believe that it is not convenient get tired or work too much. However, what is worth it is not so easy, because if it were, anyone would get it. Others assume that they should step aside so as not to risk causing trouble for others if they do something..
It is interesting to see how a person can discover that in truth the one who is harmed is the one who abandons himself to passivity or indecision, refusing to assume his choices. It is exciting to see how a person takes responsibility in the adult that he is today, leaving the past behind and working smart alternatives.
Giving yourself permission to make mistakes is a true liberation. Although for years you have done things in a certain way due to comments such as "You can't do that" "You sure spoil everything" or "You are not good for that", from a certain age, the only voice that can reach Being so critical is your own. It is true that we cannot change the past and that the future is too far away, therefore, all we can do is decide how we want to start living today and to introduce small changes, taking steps as at some point in our personal biography we have made. We have that wonderful experience of learning to walk. Therefore, if once you have stood up, you have fallen and got up again, it means that you have internal resources to take steps..
Living requires a minimum of audacity, since there are no absolute certainties, there are only probabilities. But if we learn to look, to verify that there is an order that always arises after any disorder and that intention is more important than mistake, then we will be in a better disposition and we will enjoy greater tranquility to be able to decide.
We know that doubts help us to decide as long as we do not use them to generate a loop that is fed back with more doubts. Doubting makes you weigh possibilities, so the next step is to decide. To decide, I need to understand that whenever you choose, you lose something. Let's see an example: if I am alone and I decide to be with a partner, I lose my status as single, if I decide to divorce I lose my married status, if I decide to opt for motherhood / fatherhood I lose the role of single / partner to pass to another role: being a mother / father, creating a family or a single-parent home, if I am about to graduate I will lose my student status.
In all cases we have to face and confront a new reality that often scares us simply because it is unknown to us. And, in the face of the unknown, we tend to adopt a defensive attitude, we defend ourselves from what we feel threatened by. For that reason, there are many people who spend many years of their lives without making a single important decision..
We see that in each loss there is a gain and vice versa and this is the important thing: to start losing the fear of loss to focus on the gain.
Make a list
Writing the pros and cons of each decision can help you answer some questions. Making lists helps to visualize the problem and to objectify it, but do not abuse this resource. If you spend a lot of time making them, this action may become a way to increase the anxiety that decision-making generates..
Keep in mind that, when choosing, you are necessarily going to give up something. Nobody can keep everything and that is something that is not always accepted. You have to assume the losses caused by what is discarded. The list should help you to know what things you are in a position to resign yourself to lacking.
Take small steps
Reserve the "Decision crisis" for the really big dilemmas. Commit yourself that, from now on, every time you go to a restaurant you will try to take only a couple of minutes to choose a dish. Evaluate what would have happened if I had opted for something differentIt's only going to make you feel frustrated. Learn to separate the urgent from the priority and respect it
Think of you
Part of the stress of making decisions is related to the fact that we never do it completely alone: there is always the fantasy that there is someone to whom "have" what to like (many people choose a certain university career to conform to their parents, even when they are not entirely enthusiastic about it) or someone who tells us "What we should do" (sometimes we are the ones who ask everyone's opinion before making a choice).
External dependency is not good. It is one thing to consult a friend or use a session with your coach to analyze some situations and another is to speak with parents, siblings, boyfriends, friends, priests, teachers or the owner of the herbalist.
Analyze if what you are deciding is related to your desire or that of a third party. And, in the event that you have received an opinion contrary to yours on a certain topic, ask yourself who benefits more from that advice: you or the other?? Your decisions should favor you more.
Trust your intuition
Sometimes an internal feeling leads you to prioritize one option over another. Although it is not the best to give absolute power to a hunch, when deciding something important it is good that you listen to your inner voice: the "hunch" is usually built with bits of information that we do not consciously register. It is important to trust your intuition and your abilities: the lack of security in yourself leads you to postpone decisions.
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