Ending a relationship with a loved one - boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife - is undoubtedly one of the most stressful, exhausting and emotionally moving situations..
However, many times it is preferable for the relationship to end, especially if it is toxic, rather than continue with a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, plagued with endless arguments and conflicts..
I will explain to you below as end a long relationship without hurting, either from lovers, boyfriends or couples established for years. It is not easy to break the relationship (especially if you have been together for years) and communicate it to the other person, but if you find yourself in this situation, these 10 steps can be a very useful guide to face the problem.
Before deciding something as important as the end of a relationship, you have to think deeply about it.
All couples go through stages of crisis, and some may emerge stronger from such stages. Consider talking with your partner about the conflicts that arise, trying to find a solution.
When you do, talk about how you feel about this or that event or situation, rather than talking about the events themselves. Try to listen to what the other person has to say without thinking about what you are going to answer while you are listening to them. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.
Sometimes couples therapy can help improve communication and overcome conflict..
Try to identify what you want in a partner and think if you could really find what you want in your current partner..
Keep in mind that falling in love always ends and when that happens, you begin to see the defects of the other person and problems appear, but after this stage a deep and mature love can also emerge.
You should not make the decision to end a relationship when you feel angry. It should be a thoughtful decision for a time, without being dominated by emotions such as anger or resentment.
Finally, if you have thought about it well, if the resources to save the couple have already been exhausted and the problems continue, if you are really determined to put an end to the relationship, then there is nothing else to think about, except in a suitable plan so that everything ends in the best possible way, although there will undoubtedly be sadness and pain in both parts.
Accentuating conflicts and arguments trying to get more excuses to end the relationship with your current partner or even trying to get the other person to decide to end is not a good idea.
Jealousy, complaints and blame will surely lead to the end of the relationship, but it will be an unnecessarily painful journey. You should not try to put responsibility or blame on your partner trying to cover your own.
Many relationships end after a long road of agony. After this slow erosion, one of the couple suddenly realizes how unhappy he feels.
Behind this situation in general there are many neglects, disrespect, arguments and reproaches, which were given over time and ended up destroying the relationship.
Don't prolong this agony. If you really want to end this situation, then it is time to put an end to it for good..
Without a doubt, it would be an act of cowardice to leave a person on the phone with just a few words. Or even worse, by text message, especially if it was a serious relationship of a certain time.
You will have to tell them personally (unless you fear a backlash from the other person) and in a suitable place. It is a bad drink without a doubt, a very uncomfortable situation, but it is the only way worth doing.
It is not a good idea for it to be at either of you, because it could make a nasty scene.
The best would be a public place, but not too crowded. If you go to a restaurant or a cafe, for example, and the other person reacts badly (which is to be expected), it is also possible that there is a scene that you will want to forget.
A good place could be, for example, a somewhat secluded place in a park or a square.
Improvising in these types of situations is not a good idea either. Plan the place where you will tell them and even the moment.
If you tell them in the morning, both of you will feel bad for the whole day. They may have to go to work or study later, and their emotions will not allow them to perform adequately in these activities. It may be better to tell them in the afternoon, after leaving work..
Fridays or Saturdays can be a good option, since both will have a whole weekend to begin to accept the new situation and to process the corresponding duel.
Try not to be on a special date, such as traditional holidays, a birthday, or Valentine's Day. And of course, do not tell them in a place that has meant something important to the couple, such as the place of the first kiss or something similar..
According to a study by psychologists at the University of Kansas, "open confrontation" is the least stressful way to end a relationship..
Clearly telling the other person that the relationship has ended, even if it sounds like something very negative, is the best option, because the message is more easily internalized by the other person, due to its clarity and sincerity.
First of all, when you convey your intention to end your relationship, you must be very clear and sincere about your wishes, expressing yourself with respect, without reproach, without blaming yourself or the other person for the breakup..
At the same time, there must be firmness in your words and you must not back down out of feelings of guilt or compassion. Surely the other person will be angry or saddened, and you must be prepared for these reactions.
You can show empathy with the feelings you are causing in the other person, but do not apologize for the decision you have made..
Do not give him hope that the separation will only be for a while, if you really do not believe that it will be..
Avoid listing a long list of reasons why you think the relationship should end. Just get to the point, give the general reason why you think the two of you have reached this situation where you can no longer continue to be a couple, and that's it..
And please don't use set phrases. These are never sincere, because they cannot reflect the particular situation of each one, so do not say things such as "it's not you, it's me" or "surely you will find someone special" or "maybe we can be friends".
That will only make things worse, because it won't be honest words.
The other person is likely to react by showing a lot of rage or anger, or deep sadness. It is possible that during the encounter, these emotions alternate.
You must be prepared to hear screams, reproaches or sobs. Stay calm, try to observe the situation as if you were someone else, and be attentive to the other person's reactions.
Staying calm will help you to control the situation and to end the last meeting that you are going to have as a couple at the right time and in the best possible way..
For example, if your ex is furious and starts to make a fuss, you can say "it makes no sense for us to yell, the decision has already been made and it will not change, although we can talk about it if you calm down".
But obviously, in order to handle these types of situations, you must be calm yourself..
Don't try to blame the other person for your failure as a couple. In a breakup, you both have responsibilities to take on, always.
Although you will clearly express why you have made the decision not to continue with the relationship, the responsibility will be on both of you and on the other hand, you are also fully responsible for the decision you have made..
Having this very clear will also help you not feel guilty and maintain a state of calm that will allow you to control the situation..
Surely you've ever heard someone who was apparently "determined" to leave their boyfriend or girlfriend, but after the meeting where everything was supposed to end, it turns out that both are still together, even though they do not seem very happy.
This can happen if the person who wants to end the relationship is overcome by feelings of compassion or pity for the other person. Guilt can also play a trick in this regard..
Therefore, it is important to be very sure of the decision and then not back down, even if you feel sorry for the other person or for the end of a relationship that perhaps at some point you thought would be for the rest of your life..
If you've already thought about it and made a decision, don't let pity prolong a situation that only brings unhappiness and dissatisfaction. You must continue with your plan, end this relationship and start forgetting to start a new stage.
As in all areas of life, failure is painful. Accepting that the relationship cannot continue, whatever the reasons, will cause sadness and grief on both parties, and probably also anger and resentment..
As mentioned above, both have responsibility for what happened and accepting that you were wrong and that the other person was also wrong is the first step to forgive and thus free yourself from anger and pain..
We are human, we make mistakes and we have to forgive ourselves in order to give ourselves a new opportunity, not only in relationships, but in all areas of life.
Accepting the fact that to err is human and being able to forgive others for their mistakes, and yourself for the ones you may have made, will free you from many negative feelings and will help you turn the page and start a new stage in your life..
Think about the following. People adopt certain attitudes and make certain decisions taking into account the circumstances of the moment. Later, they may be able to see things from a new perspective, which they did not have before..
But they cannot blame themselves for having acted in this or that way in the past, because at that moment they simply thought it was for the best or they simply acted according to what they felt at that moment..
The only thing that can be done is to accept the consequences of the mistakes that you may have made, forgive yourself and also forgive the other person for the attitudes that may have influenced the relationship to end (whether they are infidelities, negative attitudes or problems behavior).
Once the relationship is over, you have to mark a certain distance. It does not make sense that you keep talking about the same things, for example, about the reasons that led to the breakup.
No calls or text messages that are not strictly necessary. You should not be interested in the activities that the other person has or allow your ex to invade your private life wanting to know what you do at every moment of the day.
This is essential to make it clear that the relationship ended, that it will not continue and that nothing can be done about it.
If you have mutual friends or go to the same gym, for example, try to coordinate the meetings and schedules so that you don't have a chance to meet the other person..
Return the belongings that have been left in the house of one or the other (or of both, if you lived together) as soon as possible, to really be able to begin the grieving process that follows at the end of a couple relationship.
Naturally, despite having followed all these steps, you will feel very sorry for a few days. Give yourself the opportunity to release these feelings through crying, and after a few days, you will feel better..
And when you have ended a relationship, how have you done it? I am interested in your opinion. Thanks!
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