We hear a lot about success and the tireless pursuit to achieve it. We live in high competition with those around us and with ourselves because of the constant desire for more and better.
At the same time we hear stories of 'Burn Out', depression, anxiety and dissatisfaction. Emotions that are present even in those who apparently have 'everything'.
What are we neglecting?
Where is the error in the many formulas for success?
In this article I propose my theory about it. But before raising any expectations, I must tell you that I am sure that I have not discovered anything new. What I will do next is show you a reality that I am sure you already know, from a perspective that allows you to visualize what is the piece that you needed for your definition of success.
I must tell you that I have been working in depth in the empowerment of women in Latin America through the development of their inner strength and, in the last semester I have analyzed in depth 10 cases of transformation.
The result that I share with you today shows the common denominator found among 10 women who they transformed their emotions of anxiety, fear and sadness for emotions of peace, decision and satisfaction.
What is the common denominator in these cases?
That each of them understood that those changes that allowed them to achieve their emotional health included, in parallel, decisions that would lead them to reach their personal definition of success.
Being emotionally healthy means being aware of the emotions you have and knowing how to handle them in the different challenges you face.
Contrary to what you might think, even people who are emotionally healthy have moments of sadness, fear, disappointment, etc. However, the essential characteristic of these people is that, by being aware of their emotions, they are the ones who control them and define the impact of these emotions on their lives..
In the case of my analysis of the transformation of these 10 women, the increase in the satisfaction of their lives was generated as they learned to make positive evaluations of both past experiences, as well as present and future scenarios..
50% of this group of women had constant emotions of anger, frustration and fear related to the love breakup that each of them had experienced. Their perception regarding love relationships, love, the couple and commitment were negative and further reinforced their fears and frustrations.
Their emotions were real, as was the pain they felt, but, in order to overcome that stage of separation, it was essential to transform the perception of those experiences.
In these cases, the biggest challenge was guiding these women to define themselves based on their present and future life instead of defining themselves based on the breakup they experienced. And to achieve this, the transformation focused on learning to be aware of their emotions within a present context with a view to a positive evaluation.
In this way, they, for example, stopped thinking of separation as a failure of themselves or their ability to inspire love and learned to appreciate separation as a learning experience..
The end result of these cases was that, by learning to be emotionally healthy, they consciously control what thoughts and focus accompany your emotions. In addition, they decide to raise their reflections in a positive context for each of them according to their definition of satisfaction and abundance..
The other 50% of my focus group were women who, although they knew they wanted more from themselves and their lives, constantly boycotted their personal development. In this group, emotions of failure, fear and resignation they were common denominators both on the result of past experiences, and on the expectation of their future possibilities.
In these cases, the transformation focused on replacing the focus on failure and the difficulties in their lives, with an empowering approach as owners of the opportunity for success..
The biggest challenge for the transformation of this group of women was to stop blaming circumstances, past experiences, or even other people for their difficulties..
The change was achieved by learning to take responsibility for their development from an appreciation of power and not burden. In this way, they, as owners and builders of their reality, strengthened motivating and constructive emotions..
In the most simplified way, we can answer this question by stating that successful decisions are those thanks to which you achieve your proposed (successful) goals.
Now, what relationship does learning and self-control of emotions have with success??
The relationship is that, by being emotionally healthy, you strengthen your ability to make positive decisions for yourself, which in turn are related to your personal goals and, therefore, to your definition of success..
And, for this positive context of healthy emotions and successful decisions to exist, it requires two fundamental conditions.
The first condition is to learn to be aware of your emotions and the second is to have your concept of success clearly defined. It should be noted that neither of these conditions are static, both constantly evolve according to personal development and learning from experiences..
Therefore, being aware of emotions and keeping clear goals becomes a life principle beyond a solution to a critical moment..
Within my analysis group, those women who (temporarily) defined success as feeling peace in their hearts and wanting to build a new life regardless of their marital status, made decisions that would lead to it.
First, decide to give greater value and appreciation to the emotions provoked by other people and situations in their present lives. And for this it was essential to recognize what emotions they were capable of feeling beyond the sadness they felt due to the separation.
The second successful decision was to recognize what gaps each of them had in their lives and decide to fill those spaces with their own reflections, behaviors and actions. That is, they lived the learning to understand that are able to build their own happiness.
In my second group of analyzes, those women defined (temporarily) their success to the extent that they achieved a change in their work status. In these cases, the emotional satisfaction of feeling capable, recognizing their abilities and knowing how to use their virtues allowed them to feel the satisfaction of empowerment.
See themselves as owners and sure of their decisions. With this inner strengthening, their successful decisions were to dare to build the change they wanted..
As you can see, in both scenarios it was essential, first, to understand their emotions by focusing on their ability to build a different reality and second, to define exactly which goal represents their next step to success..
I see that that insatiable search for satisfaction, frustrations, fears, lack of motivation and constant procrastination are a reflection of a lack of vision of life. We are more than the circumstance in which we now live or the difficulties we face today, just as we are more than the situation of success in which we live today..
And there is precisely the emotional intelligence of knowing how to recognize ourselves within a broader context and for this the key question is:
Do you decide what is positive to achieve your vision of life?
And to answer this question, I invite you to reflect on:
Do you decide what is positive for you?
Do you evaluate your emotions from a constructive perspective?
Do you see yourself as the owner of your decisions and responsible for building your happiness?
Do you give the appropriate value to learning and positive situations in your life?
Are you clear about the virtues that most characterize you and what are your essential values??
Do you know what lifestyle you want to achieve?
You build your life based on the set of decisions you make today. And just as today you are the result of the experiences, learnings and decisions of a couple of years ago, I think that today you want to make sure you decide what will result in the vision of life you want to achieve..
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