Letting go A process of change and release

Charles McCarthy
Letting go A process of change and release

Life is transitory, as well as the links we make throughout it. Emotional conflicts can wear down, use a large part of your time, energy and can sometimes cause you to lose focus to give solution and continuity to what you can do. How many responsibilities, worries or extra burdens do you carry on you? Is it comfortable for you to carry that “extra emotional weight” everywhere you go? Maybe you could lighten some of that weight so you can flow more freely through life..


  • Letting go
  • Denial blocks your potential for change
  • Fear of hurt
  • Step One: Acceptance
  • "Letting go": a process of fire
  • Leaving the comfort zone
    • Conclution
    • Bibliographic reference

Letting go

"Letting go" is almost always an arduous process, although it happens naturally when a person realizes that a situation, behavior, person or object no longer fulfills certain functions, then a cognitive reassessment is made, deciding to give a step forward. Although “turning the page of the situation” involves a lot of effort, perhaps the pain of continuing in the same circumstances or with the same relationship may be greater even than the fears to act.  

You can "let go": Memories that hurt you, limiting beliefs, behaviors, such as unhealthy or unproductive habits, a job that does not satisfy you, toxic relationships, fears, blame, "would", grudges, even things that you don't use and that can benefit someone else. Sometimes it is more complex to "let go" of the people you love but who left in some way, those who no longer want or can be with you more.

Denial blocks your potential for change

Heartbreak and betrayal hurts, that is why many times people cling to the lies they are told and that "they tell themselves", thus making reality more bearable. Yours sincerely: Denial

When you are in the stage of "denial", you block important parts of yourself, you can lose opportunities to change and grow, to put your talents at the service of others and benefit from it, as well as lose valuable time to be in contact with people. that they really appreciate you and vice versa.

Falling into denial initially helps us process what is happening, which is why it is a defense mechanism. However, it is advisable to move forward. When emotions and their motives are not well identified, the person may feel jaded by the fact of experiencing certain situations over and over again, as in a labyrinth with no way out.

Fear of hurt

It is valid and even natural, to be afraid of expressing what we feel when that implies that a relationship will wear out more or fracture, that only reflects how important the person is to you, which is why you avoid a confrontation, they are intelligence traits Social.

How many unspoken words have you saved so you don't hurt someone? By repressing yourself to express your feelings and your emotions just to avoid hurting others, because of the love or respect you have for that person, you add emotional charges on yourself, which can cause damage to your health. It is better to try to express and work what you feel, as well as everything that generates within you. Sometimes, there are situations in life where by not hurting someone you love, or by not making a situation worse, you go "saving things", or resigning yourself to situations that are not convenient. The fear of harming others has its origin in love, many times.

At work, if you had an authoritarian and uncompromising boss, it would be difficult, expressing exactly what you really think and feel, especially if he is upset, you would have to find the right place and time, speak assertively, be diplomatic and remove a good emotional charge to your speech, if you don't want to be affected. At home it is not good to argue with your partner in front of the children, to name a couple of examples. All this is part of a good management of emotions, they play a fundamental role in our lives, they all have a very important function, from joy to sadness, it is natural to feel angry or sad at times.

If you have trouble regulating your emotions, you can find ways to express them more healthily, so that you can be self-contained and do not harm yourself or others: You can be your own "regulator." Culture, art and sports are a great means for these purposes, because through these activities you can: "let go" of your emotions in a healthy way. When these options are not enough, it is necessary to seek professional psychological help..

Step One: Acceptance

The first step to generate changes is acceptance, identifying how the suffering has nested in you can be useful. When a behavior or a person causes you more pain than the one you generate because of your fear, resistance to change and even loneliness, it is then time to accept that leaving behind is your best option..

It is necessary to understand that what you want that person cannot or wants to give you, it is difficult to accept when the moments of love and growth have been left behind; Change is a constant in life, ties and relationships also change over time, some relationships are fractured, while others are strengthened.

"To be able to fill a cup you first have to empty it." Fragment taken from a Zen tale

In the outside world there are only “triggers”, but you are the one who has the power to activate them or not. We must be willing to let go of many behaviors, people and things that harm us, we must let go of many attachments to be able to fill ourselves up again with new experiences.

"Letting go": a process of fire

When you get tired of carrying unnecessary loads and you get that feeling of boredom, that's when you can let go of many of your fears, although most of the time it is not an easy process..

I really like the message that the history of the twins Hunahpuh and Ixbalnqué transmits to us, within the Mayan mythology, they were thrown into the underworld: Xibalbá, there they had to go through many hard tests that were imposed on them and they discovered that the only way to to leave the underworld was through it. There is no other way out of certain situations, only to move forward, although that implies fear and the knowledge that we will go through great difficulties, it is better than waiting with clumsy and foolish optimism for things to change, without doing anything about it..

"Letting go" does not have to imply a loss, because when you are able to let go of something in your life that does not do you good, you can enrich yourself, extracting the best from each experience, so that you are less likely to "stumble over it. stone ”in the future. Above all you win your freedom, as far as the unbearable lightness of being allows it.

Grief is necessary and involves giving yourself a reasonable period of time to recover from the difficult task of releasing emotional charges. When it is hard for you to do it or you cannot do it outright, it is necessary that you seek psychological support, on many occasions you have to work out the losses to be able to fire them.

Leaving the comfort zone

"I can discard what is not suitable, and keep what is, and invent something new for which I have discarded." Virginia Satir

The more important people, situations or things are to us, the more we tend to cling to them, we want things to remain in some way similar or the same, there is a certain fear and resistance to change, all change involves a bit of stress.

It is very easy to enter the comfort zone, and "locate" there, even within the discomfort and displeasure. It is important to be up-to-date, remain attentive to the changes that are being generated around you, try to see things objectively, you can find signs that indicate that another change will be generated and so you can be prepared for them, know what direction you want to take and what are the resources you have, you have to be willing to move and flow with the changes that life presents us, this requires flexibility and will.

It is not enough to realize that things are going wrong, but to make decisions, although many times they pose a risk, this can be planned and measured so that they contribute to the achievement of personal goals. If you wait too long for circumstances to change doing things in the same way, it may be that you miss many opportunities, it is better that you focus on taking small steps to make the changes or adjustments that you require in your life, than "Wait", with false optimism that things change by themselves.

What would you like to do if you didn't have the bonds of fear? We must arm ourselves with courage to go out and find what we want in the middle of the labyrinth of life, as you overcome your fears you can feel more free to develop your goals and fulfill your dreams.

"I belong to myself and, therefore, I can build myself." Virginia Satir


The "letting go" is a fiery process, it requires great effort, because when you let go of your extra emotional charges you can move through life with more freedom, as well as use that time and energy in the construction of personal goals and dreams. Sometimes we delay in making the decision to let go of a behavior, a situation that does not do us good, sometimes the most difficult thing is to let go of people, those who can no longer or do not want to be with you anymore; we have to do an exercise of the will to be willing to get out of the comfort zone, make the pertinent adjustments in our life to have greater good- "to be", if you do not achieve it alone, you may require psychological support.

Bibliographic reference

Satir, Virginia (1997). Human relations in the family nucleus. Mexico: Editorial Pax

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