Sleeping the child. Colecho or Estivill method?

A few weeks ago on social media, I posted a series of guidelines on how to put a baby to sleep. And what has been usual lately happened, that of white or black; Co-sleeping or Estivill? And I will reflect on this topic that raises so many blisters ...

Co-sleeping It is a common practice in many cultures, the child shares a bed during sleep with their parents in a natural way.

The authors / psychologists / parents etc., supporters of this practice who call it "natural", are supported by studies in which it is stated that co-sleeping has the following effects on children:

1. Strengthens the affective bond between parents and child.
2. Decreases the probability of the syndrome by sudden death.
3. At the level of behavior and personality, children present: better behavior with their teachers, fewer tantrums, happier, they bear stress better, more independent, higher self-esteem, lower levels of anxiety, they are more optimistic and positive.

But I wonder, in these studies, how have they been able to isolate the variables, and thus be sure that co-sleeping is responsible for optimism, positivity, high self-esteem, happiness, resistance to stress…? I particularly think that no research data with guarantees make me think that co-sleeping is more positive than sleeping in your own bed.

Of course, I have not found evidence to the contrary either. Namely, I have not found data from serious studies that suggest or indicate that it is a harmful practice that must be changed or modified in any way.

In our western culture the practice of co-sleeping at least in recent centuries is unusual, for us the most frequent thing has always been that the child shares a room in the first months of life, sleeping in his crib, and then moving him to his room and Your bed. In fact, some very common questions in nursery schools that parents ask are When to move the child to his own room? When to go from the crib to the bed?

With regard to this western custom, I have to say that research with guarantees that make me think that sleeping in your crib and in your bed from birth, leads, induces or favors any type of affective or emotional disturbance. Again, I have not found data from serious studies that suggest or indicate that it is a practice that needs to be changed or modified in any way.

Then what do we do? Co-sleeping or estivill?

What we have to change, from my point of view, is not this, but other things ... I'll explain:

In the western culture to which we belong, if we put our child to bed and he remains calm, falling asleep alone and sleeping peacefully at night, it is rare that parents consider the practice of co-sleeping.

The problem usually comes when they cry inconsolably, they throw their arms at us so that we get them out of the crib, they come again and again to our bed ... that's when we look for a solution to this situation.

A simple, fast and effective solution is for the child to do what he wants, sleep with his parents. Children use the functional cry * to achieve your goal (of course we are not including special situations here, such as the child being ill, having nightmares or night terrors).

If the child cries in order to get go to the parents' bed and the parents give in to their request, we are not making the decision freely, we are not going to practice co-sleeping because we consider that it is the best for our child, in reality we do it to prevent our child from crying, so that he does not have tantrums, to be able to sleep and rest ... and from my point of view, that is the mistake, because we are teaching our son to achieve their goals through crying and inappropriate behaviors. We are teaching him to manipulate us.

I think that our way of sleeping has to be understood within the specific context of each culture and the nature of the child's relationships with their family environment. Therefore, it is probably true that neither co-sleeping nor sleeping alone has as direct a relationship to a child's future behavior as the environment itself does. In fact, bedtime readiness can make or break the kinds of relationships a child has during the day. So, instead of indicating that a certain type of "way of sleeping" produces a specific personality, it would be more accurate to think that each method is part of a way of educating and that this way of interacting with the child is what determines his personality. when I am an adult.

That is why I suggest from here, stop demonize both co-sleeping and “sleeping alone”, much less basing our defense and choice of one or another “way of sleeping” on research that has no serious validity. Choosing one or the other option depends only on our preferences and beliefs * about what we prefer. This confrontation of these two positions is absurd, let us respect each one of them and do not make affirmations without serious basis (as numerous articles and books do).

In conclusion, the answer is simple: you, as a parent, decide how to educate your child, you decide whether to co-sleep or his bed, and what you choose is the right thing to do. Exercise your right and obligation to educate and do it without constantly questioning yourself, that doubt does not accompany you perennially when educating, be brave. With a pair.

You decide the way to educate your child!

*Functional cry It is the one that the child uses with a clear objective, to achieve a change in the behavior of another to obtain what we want and that had been denied, in this case "go to my parents' bed, let them stay with me in bed ... "

*Beliefs: A belief is the feeling of certainty about something. It is a personal affirmation that we consider to be true. Many people tend to think that their beliefs are universally true and expect others to share them. They do not realize that the belief and value system is something exclusively personal and in many cases very different from that of others. A belief is a debatable opinion.