You imagine. A warm, harmonious and protected space. With more or less soft sounds and caresses of what surrounds you. You don't have to move. Everything you need is provided without even asking for it. Feeling of union, of not loneliness, of fusion. A voice that accompanies you for a few months and that is the only thing you surely recognize, but with that you have enough. You and her. Your mother.
One day you grow up, and you keep growing so much that the space in which you have fit for a while becomes too small. You have to go out, or they force you to. You go out, they take you out. Lights, noises, changes in temperature, sensations, instability and insecurity.
Everything that rocked you in your protected environment has disappeared and suddenly you are in a universe that you are not even capable of seeing but that seems infinite and limitless to you, because on a bodily level you do not feel its borders. Only that you pass from one arms to another. And there are many voices, many skins and smells. Except when you feel her, your mother, everything else is like one impact after another.
She knows how to do it, how to take you and give you her cave, still. Rubbing yourself with his skin, listening to the familiar breathing that has accompanied you for a few months, receiving kisses from his lips that even reached when you were there, inside, closed, protected.
The first separation, the greatest of all, It occurs when they take us out and separate us from our mother. And from an absolutely symbiotic union that had existed until then, me with her and she with me, suddenly I become an individual because the cord that united us is already separated in two. Now I breathe for myself, I eat because I look for it or because they give it to me and I have to cry to express that something is happening. That unconditional, that incomparable sky, is no more, and will not return.
Our life has started a while ago, but we would say that as an individual that is when it begins. Depending on the circumstances of each one, this bond will continue in a more or less united, healthy, safe, binding way.. The separation will be noticed more or less, although in all cases it will continue to be.
We grow up with this war wound. Not to be catastrophic I say that. It is surely part of the growth and development process of the person and of their consciousness. The memory of this kind of mystical union with a being, which we can attribute to the mother or an afterlife, and whatever it may be, one day we notice that it is taken from us and we have to learn to live with ourselves..
We are not told, we are not explained the importance of this beginning, of this beginning along the path of our life. Everything is too taken for granted. That now we have gone out and it is what it is, that later we go to school and it is what it is, too. And if we cry, if we scream, if we claim, It is because we need someone, she or whoever, to look us in the eye, hug us, and tell us that nothing is wrong.
That they understand our fright, that they have felt it too, and that they are accompanying us in this brave adventure that we are beginning. It is the pillar of life, the basis of our future existence here.
Years go by and in an unconscious way, we continue to long for and search for what we once had. That free offer, that unconditional and protective gaze. We look for it in our own parents, in friends, in teachers and neighbors. We do not know that we do this, because as I said, no one has explained to us that this footprint is deep and that if we do not realize it, it will always guide our steps.. We will be able to sell ourselves for a while of love, a sincere look, attention, support and admiration.
Here the mule capes begin to appear that we are putting on to be liked and accepted. Remember that the purpose is with an intention as genuine and positive as receiving a little of that love that deep down we know that one day we live. Recover the perfect confluence that we had. And then we begin to look outside and little inside. As from a gaze that is becoming adult, a small boy or girl hides asking for help and affection. To achieve this we are able to do the unmatched. Three races, eight masters, climb all the mountains on the planet and jump with a parachute. There is nothing wrong with doing all that. As long as it is one who genuinely chooses it.
One of the situations that most awakens something similar to this first bond, are couple relationships. An individual appears, a person, who for a time gives me the exclusive. He sees us and looks at us, and applauds any aspect of our existence. We also do it with the other. It is the phase of falling in love, which is so sought after or persecuted because it brings us closer to the experience of being with each other. One day this breaks.
The mirage is becoming reality and we simply begin to see more clearly and reality. This implies that this bubble breaks as well. The other wants to be more himself, to recover his space, and I will need the same depending on how much is the unmet need that has remained in me from that first bond with my mother or with the figure that replaced her.
If I had a secure bond, I will know how to stand better on my own two feet. If the bond was insecure or ambivalent, if it took me a long time to feel really seen and loved, I will begin to complain and need that he who is stopping looking at me as he did a few months before, continue to do so continuously. Without this look from the other we feel that we cease to exist, that everything ends, that we are not able to move on. Something similar to what we should feel, even if we do not remember it, when they tear us away and throw us into the void of life just at birth.
It is very important to do a process of consciousness discovering how my first links were. For example, we can begin to investigate how was my mother's pregnancy, birth (natural, forced, if they separated me quickly or we were able to share a while at birth, if there were complications at birth or not ...). How were the spirits at home when I arrived? It is not the same to enter a harmonious and happy environment, where there will be more accessibility to authentic and affective bonding, than in a depressed and aggressive environment, where adults will be so busy with their stories that from the beginning the newcomer has no place or space.
What were my father and mother like? Or the adults who were with me. Did they look at me, did they support me? Or did you have to find complicated strategies to get their attention? Whether it's clowning around, breaking things, or hitting my brother. By reading this, you can find parallels with my reality as an adult. So I can ask myself, also, what and who is behind some of the actions that I carry out and that perhaps until today I had not even questioned if they are really chosen by me. Who would want to recognize them?
The path to personal responsibility, the path of the warrior, the path of healing and recovery of one's own individuality as a unique and unrepeatable being… goes through cleaning up and becoming aware of all this.. To heal the wounds that could be left in my beginnings and that I may be dragging in the different relationships of my life, asking them for something that does not really correspond to them.
We can go back, for a time, to the beginning of our history and childhood and, as adults, explain to that boy or girl that we were that now we are with him / her and that we are willing to take care of him / her and accept him / her as it is. Whatever happens, we will not abandon you, we will be here, we will see you. That when you need something, do not despair looking outside, but call me and I will go find you to rock you and explain what you need to listen to find calm.
We can close our eyes and imagine that we play with him / her, that we are culminating in all the things that they would have liked, that they would have needed, and that they did not have. We did not have. At first it can be a painful exercise, because if we have never done this look, we will open Pandora's box and discover very deep and buried feelings that see the light for the first time.
But this is never in vain. Unlike. After transcending this moment, this secret space until then, a feeling of deeper peace, of less external and more internal need, of feeling that we are maturing in a new way and that our own roots are digging into the ground more firmly.
And, from here, the branches of our tree will be able to grow more securely towards the sky in search of the realization of our dreams and desires..
Yet No Comments