The Jealousy Mechanism

Jealousy is the feeling involuntary and universal fear before the possibility of losing the loved one. Jealousy is involuntary but can be controlled.

There are two types of jealousy, mild and severe. Only the serious ones are those that should be controlled since if they do not do so they end the relationship, while the light ones strengthen the couple and increase the complicity between them (it is very important to distinguish them well since the most intense manifestations of jealousy have to be try).

To know how to control the most serious manifestations of jealousy, it is necessary to understand its origin. The manifestations of jealousy appear at specific moments due to certain triggers but the people who suffer them have an innate predisposition to feel them.

This predisposition depends on:

• Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem are not capable of thinking that their partner is in love with them. They think they are not good enough to be liked by their partners. Due to this insecurity, they begin to see lies and betrayals where there are none. This causes that they do not know how to value any affectionate gesture of their partner and that they interpret it as if there was an ulterior motive (for example receiving a gift and thinking that your partner feels guilty because he has a lover). Jealousy is precisely the fear of loss, therefore the less you value yourself the less you will understand that your partner falls in love with you.

•  Society and the historical moment. In a macho society, men are generally more predisposed to feeling jealous.

•  The subject's previous experiences (for example if your father was jealous or if your previous partner was unfaithful). These experiences mark people and make them more prone to jealousy. These experiences affect your character and your personality especially if they occurred in your childhood (jealous father or mother).

• •  Group pressure. In society the idea is fed that we should seek a perfect relationship. If we are concerned about the image we project to our friends, we will be more attentive to the gestures of our partner.

The trigger

It is the specific moment that causes the attack of jealousy, it is the specific situation that generates jealousy. The trigger depends on the predisposition of the subject when it comes to feeling jealous. If your predisposition is very short the trigger must be very obvious for the person to feel jealous. However, if the subject has a very predisposition high the trigger can be even the most insignificant situation.

It also depends on the culture and the historical moment since the same gestures can be interpreted in a different way in different cultures..

For jealousy to appear apart from a predisposition, a trigger is necessary to make it appear. The trigger will depend on the level of predisposition, the higher this level, the more likely it is that any situation will become a trigger.

This idea is much better seen through an example:

You are in your favorite place taking a walk with your partner, suddenly you want to share an ice cream and you go to buy it. There are a lot of people queuing and it takes longer than expected.

You go back to your partner and now there are two possibilities:

• Your partner welcomes you warmly and you eat the ice cream.

• Your partner gets angry and starts asking you why it took you so long. Despite your explanations, he does not believe you and jealousy begins.

What changes within both possibilities is the predisposition to the same trigger (delay in returning with the ice cream). In the first case, their predisposition to jealousy is low and reduced so that jealousy does not appear.

But in the second case, your partner's predisposition is high, for this reason jealousy will appear.

The effects of jealousy are:

• Deterioration of the relationship. Not only due to the fact that the jealous partner gets tired of the situation but also because the jealous man himself does not feel happy in the relationship.
• Increases the predisposition to be jealous in future relationships. So that the future relationships of both members of the couple will suffer. The level of this deterioration is explained by the predisposition formed as a result of the relationship that has just ended.