Effective strategies to stop the need for approval

The desire for external approval can be really destructive if it becomes a necessity. Thus generating insecurity and frustration by not being able to meet the expectations of others. Stop needing the acceptance of the rest will make us freer and more authentic people, capable of giving ourselves the importance and value that we really deserve..

If you feel that you need the approval of the rest to do something, it means that you are leaving something as important as your own personal value, at the mercy of what others may think. the rest.

It is likely that, during your life, you have wasted a lot of energy and time in unconsciously obtaining the approval of those close to you..

If the desire to gain acceptance from the rest has become a "need" in your life, you should do yourself the favor of urgently working on yourself, in pursuit of a real change in your life..

What is approval seeking?

To begin, you can try to understand that the search for approval does not have to be harmful, since it is part of our nature to feel good when others flatter our work or person.. This desire is healthy as long as it does not become a necessity that leads us to base all our efforts on behaviors that only seek external recognition.

If we only appreciate external acceptance, we will feel happy with the support that others give us, but when this becomes a necessity, it will cause the collapse of our person by not getting any approving opinion.

To have the need for external acceptance is to leave something as important as our sense of personal worth, at the mercy of what the rest may say as they please, so you risk leading a life of victimization and guilt, always holding the person responsible. rest of your own frustrations.

How to stop needing the approval of others (strategies)

In order to stop our need for approval, we must tune in to the rewards that following this behavior gives us, in addition to maintaining constructive thoughts about yourself, despite receiving rejection from others. some strategies to let go of our need for approval They are:

• If you feel that they are trying to manipulate you by lowering your self-esteem, make known your true worth and maintain a firm position, although open to dialogue.
• When receiving a criticism, you can internally thank the person, for providing you with observations that may be useful for your personal growth (despite being things that you may not like), however, you should keep in mind that any change must be made by ourselves before that by fulfilling the expectation of another person.
• You can accept the fact that whatever you do there will always be a large percentage of people who will not agree with our behavior, so it is absurd to value your person according to what the rest say
• Refuse to argue with others about the correctness of your position through justifications and excuses that only seek to change the perception that others have about ourselves.
• Every time you feel the rejection of others, you can ask yourself, despite their opinion, can I do valuable things for myself and for others? Can I be happy despite your rejection?

Just like these, there are infinities of strategies to end our impetuous need for acceptance, the important thing is firmly commit to loving and valuing our own selves, no matter what others may say.

Typical behaviors of the need for approval

Here are some of the typical behaviors that are performed in search of external approval will be dictated:

• • Change our position or way of being because it can be rejected by the rest
  • Flatter a person so that they love us
  • Feeling depressed or upset when someone disagrees with us
  • feel insulted when someone expresses an opinion contrary to yours
  • Being unable to say no when asked for a favor
  • say things you don't really believe, for fear that people will reject you
  • Spread any news about deaths, separations, robberies or any catastrophe, for receiving the attention of others

Why is this need so harmful

Not having the approval of the rest, will cause us to fall into destructive behaviors, since many times they induce us to give in by doing or saying things that we really do not want, in order to feel that we belong to a certain group.

It is practically impossible to please everyone, No matter how well you behave or do your job, there will always be people who don't like what you do. Someone may be irritable or have some personal drama that makes them disapprove of your actions. And this is totally normal, we are different people With different belief systems, that someone rejects us does not mean that we have done something wrong, but that our behavior does not seem appropriate..

Consequences of the need for external approval

Making our worth and our projects dependent on what the rest say will cause us to focus our efforts uselessly on an impossible and frustrating cause. Besides being susceptible to possible manipulations and abuse both in our work and in our daily lives.

When our need for acceptance turns into need, the chances of forming true relationships disappear. Transmitting to people a position that always seeks approval will project an image of someone unreliable.

It is somewhat embarrassing to face the rejection of others, nobody likes to be criticized or look ugly for not sharing the same opinion, so we often opt for an easier behavior capable of always adapting to the opinion of others, but when choosing this behavior, You are giving more importance to the opinion that others have about you, than to your own personal assessment. giving up all your ability to lead a free and independent life, the greater your need, the easier you can be manipulated.

Origin of the need to be accepted

This need is based on the premise of: "confirm everything with others, before trusting your opinion. The cultural environment in which most of us grew up greatly encourages relying more on the opinion of the rest, before that of ourselves.

Need for acceptance in the family

It should be noted that children really need the approval and acceptance of their parents in their early years, but this does not have to be always, during the childhood period the authority of the parents should not be fully respected., a child can do things by himself, without needing to be told if it's okay or not. to encourage our children to become independent adults, it is necessary to support our children from an early age, to do things for themselves.

The family nucleus unconsciously promotes under the guise of "good intention" the dependence of each of its members, under a need for collective approval.

Need for acceptance in institutions

Some of the institutions from where we learned this need are the church and the school, since we continually filled our heads with messages of pleasing "God" or our teachers, we were rewarded and accepted for follow institutional rules, we were taught to remain silent when they asked us for silence, not to stand from our seats in class and above all to look for the answers in texts or "experts" before discovering it or formulating our own theories.

For an authentic life

These were some of the evidences and strategies necessary to be able to work with our need for approval, we must remember that external approval is only harmful when it becomes a need that immobilizes us, for fear of what the rest say..

The will you have to always expose your authentic part before a false self that others like, will be decisive to get out of the cycle of need for approval, you should not fear and despair, now that you are aware of your need is only a matter of Put into practice what has been learned.

Let us be able to commit to our own personal worthl and to deal with disapproval and rejection in a comprehensive and constructive way.

We must be brave and show our authentic selves thatthere is nothing to fear, If our friends, family or partner do not like what they see, it means that it was always a false relationship and they will do us a favor by moving away. Exposing your authentic part will make it easier for you to form new and better relationships, more sincere and lasting..

Let's show the world that, regardless of any rejection, that our authentic self does deserve to be present in this life!, Since we earn that right simply by being part of this world.

Don't be what others want you to be, be what you want to be.