Strategies for managing conflict

I maintain that it is a test of great prudence for men to refrain from threats and insulting words, since neither (…) diminishes the enemy's strength, but threats make him more cautious, and insults increase his hatred for us. and they make him more persistent in his efforts to cause us harm. Nicholas Machiavelli

Contents

• Addressing conflict is like sailing on a frozen lake
  • In any conflict we must consider two concerns
  • Negotiations to resolve the problem
  • Smooth
  • The attitude of strength, or the "I win-you lose" attitude
  • Reciprocal compromise
  • Fold
  • Effectiveness
  • Conclusions

Addressing conflict is like sailing on a frozen lake

Some people prefer to test the water first, submerge just the foot, and penetrate slowly. They want to get used to the cold gradually. However, others prefer to dive by taking a run and taking a jump, so that the shock with the cold is quickly left behind. This is how different people use different strategies to deal with conflict. We learn these strategies as children and then they work automatically. We all have a personal strategy that we have learned and that we can change or reform by learning about new, more effective ways to handle conflict..

In any conflict we must consider two concerns

• Reaching a goal ("concern for oneself")
• Maintain an appropriate relationship with the other person (concern for others)

How we approach a conflict depends on how important the goal and the relationship with the other person are to us. One way of choosing strategy may be to place the two concerns separately on a scale from "not important" to "extremely important"; and thus determine which is the strategy that best suits the situation. On this basis it is possible to define five strategies.

Negotiations to resolve the problem

When both the goal and the relationship are extremely important, we enter into negotiations to resolve the problem. We seek solutions such that both parties achieve our respective goals and resolve all negative feelings and tensions. Without abandoning our interests, we try to find a way to reconcile them with those of the other person.

Smooth

When the goal is not important, but the relationship is extremely important, we give up the objective to reserve the highest quality possible for the relationship. Good humor is important and apologies if necessary.

The attitude of strength, or the "I win-you lose" attitude

When the goal is extremely important and the relationship is not, we try to achieve our goal by forcing or persuading the other party to give in. We compete to win in a "win-lose" relationship. For example, when buying a used car we want to pay as little as possible and we do not care how the seller feels. In a swimming competition we try to get there first without thinking about how the other swimmers feel. Tactics to persuade include making convincing arguments, setting a deadline, asserting yourself, or making demands that go beyond what is acceptable..

Reciprocal compromise

When both the goal and the relationship are moderately important, and neither party seems to be getting what they want, you may have to give up part of the goal and also sacrifice part of the relationship to reach an agreement. This can mean reaching an agreement and settling for half the goal, but without damaging the relationship. This strategy is generally chosen when the disputants would like to negotiate but do not have the time to do so..

Fold

When the goal is not important and you do not need to maintain a relationship with the other person, you may want to give up both and thereby remove yourself from the person and the problem. On many occasions it is preferable to withdraw from a conflict until ourselves and the other person have calmed down and can control our emotions.

Effectiveness

To choose a strategy we must believe that it will work. Each strategy is preferable under certain conditions, namely:

• Negotiation to solve the problem: there is a good relationship between us and the other person, there are more possibilities to find alternatives that allow us to achieve our goals, and each of us trusts the other and their own abilities.
• Smoothing: the other person's interests seem more important than ours and we have little time.
• The "win-lose" attitude of strength: the relationship is temporary and we are only interested in achieving our goal.
• Compromise: the commitment of both parties to their respective interests is decreasing, and time pressure is increasing. In a short time they need to reach an agreement and they have little time.
• The withdrawal: we think that the relationship is ending, and that the other person seems irrational and incapable of solving the problem.

Conclusions

Faced with a conflict, we must analyze our goal and who the other person is.

If our goal is extremely important and also the relationship, we must try to reach a negotiation, if we do not have enough time to compromise, or soften. If the other person is nervous, a withdrawal is advisable, to leave the problem pending to be solved.

Only in a competitive or buying-selling relationship can I use the "you win-you lose" strategy, I should never use it with people who have a good and stable relationship.

By choosing how to face conflicts, we can develop a plan of action, first mentally and then concretely, that allows us to address them successfully..

Remember that verbal or physical violence will never be a strategy to solve problems, it is only a rapturous, impulsive and not very rational way of facing differences.