Frustration in children How to learn to tolerate it

During the school year or during summer camps, it is inevitable to see children getting angry when they lose at the game. They stop participating, cry and blame others for not winning. They do not tolerate the feeling of frustration caused by not achieving what they had set out to do.

These children have a low tolerance for frustration. They find it difficult to cope with the emotions that arise, for example, when they do not form a team with their best friend or when they are not first in line.

In this article I will give you some tips to foster an adequate tolerance to frustration and I will describe the keys to improving your child's behaviors when faced with situations that do not turn out as he expected. They are simple aspects that you can include in your family dynamics and that will surely help you teach the child two very important values:

• You don't always have what you want.
• We must persist to achieve the goals we set for ourselves.

Low tolerance for frustration: What is happening?

Frustration is a conglomerate of emotions, where anger and rage predominate. These emotions arise when what is desired, needed or expected is not achieved. They are unpleasant emotions that often lead to crying, tantrums and aggression.

Despite being unpleasant emotions, it is necessary for children to learn to cope with and tolerate frustration, because it is the way to become healthy adults capable of achieving their goals..

In the article the dangers of a spoiled child, written in 2013 in the newspaper ABC, different prestigious specialists talk about the consequences of raising a child who does not suffer from frustrations.

Experts explain that children who have a low tolerance for frustration are often characterized by:

• Be impulsive and impatient.

• Need to satisfy their wishes in an immediate way. They have a hard time waiting to reach their goals.

• Having difficulty managing their emotions, which causes them to have tantrums, anger, and crying. They can even attack the playmate.

• Be very demanding of attention and demanding with your wishes.

A child with these characteristics will end up being a teenager who causes a lot of problems. It will be difficult for you to comply with the rules and accept the limits. He will be a little empathetic young man who will only worry about having everything he wants.

Why it is good to learn to tolerate frustration

All children go through the stage of being frustrated. Some carry it better than others, but all get angry when they are playing and lose. It is unavoidable. This phase of evolutionary development serves to lay the foundations of the concepts of time and empathy..

Young children do not distinguish yesterday from tomorrow, which is why it is difficult for them to delay gratification. In other words, it is difficult for them to understand that in the next game they can win or that tomorrow they will be the first in line. It is difficult for them to understand because they are not able to estimate the time it may take to arrive.

The concept of empathy begins to manifest itself around 6 years of age. Until then the children live submerged in a false belief that they are the center of everything. It is an evolutionary stage of selfishness that allows them to know each other better, but makes it difficult to understand that others can also win.

Teaching children to tolerate frustration helps them:

• Learn to excel.

• Facing new challenges.

• Strive to achieve what they set out to do even if they have to try several times.

In addition, tolerance to frustration is also the basis for knowing how to respect limits and rules, and for knowing how to put oneself in the place of the other.

Tips for teaching to tolerate frustration

Within the family dynamics it is important to maintain an educational style that allows the child to learn from mistakes. And that is achieved with the following keys:

• Don't overprotect. The child must make mistakes to learn to find solutions for himself.

• Set clear boundaries and stick to them. You will learn that tantrums and tantrums do nothing.

• View failures as learning opportunities. Losing in games are excellent opportunities to teach children that mistakes can also be learned. Because we can play again trying new strategies.

• Educate in effort and perseverance. Striving to achieve what you set out to do and persevering until you achieve it is a learning that will take with it a lifetime.

I'm sure now you wonder What do I do when he is angry and does not want to continue playing?

In those moments you should remember what I told you at the beginning of the article: frustration is a conglomeration of unpleasant emotions. Therefore, we must teach the child to manage them so that he can cope with them..

How to help your child manage emotions

• Teach him relaxation techniques. Abdominal or calm breathing helps calm you down and makes it easier for you to talk to your child. Learning to breathe deeply and slowly helps the muscles relax and sends a signal to the brain that is contradictory to the tension of anger..

• • Help him identify the emotion. Name what the child feels. Tell him that it is called frustration and that it is normal to feel angry when something is not the way we want it, but that because we love it so much we must try again to get it.

• Show him how to find new answers to frustration. At first he will need you to accompany him and show them to him, but little by little let the child come up with new solutions to problems. You will reinforce their self-esteem and autonomy.

• Praise him for every little step he takes in managing frustration.. You will be teaching him what is the way he should follow to express his discontent but without harming anyone or spoiling the game.

If you want to know more about how to control negative emotions of the child, in the article Controlling your child's anger and tantrums I treat it more thoroughly.