Gaslighting How to detect this type of emotional abuse

Have you ever felt that whatever you do, they make you feel guilty? Have they made you feel like you were losing your mind? Have you heard of Gaslighting?

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting, or also known as Gas Light, consists of a type of manipulation and very subtle emotional abuse, in which the person who suffers from it comes to doubt their own faculties, their judgments and, basically, themselves and their own perception.

Origin of the term Gaslighting

To understand this phenomenon, it is important to know that its name comes from the 1944 film Gaslight called Gaslight (translated as Luz de Gas).

In this film, a husband manipulates his wife so that she believes that she is completely losing her mind and thus being able to steal the fortune that is hidden at home. In this way, in the film the man begins to hide objects, creates strange nocturnal noises and changes the intensity of the light, making him see that she is losing her mind.

The most impressive and remarkable thing in the film occurs when he dims the gas light, making her understand that the light continues to have the same intensity and brightness.

This whole situation makes the woman and the protagonist of the film modify her judgment about everything that is happening until she induces her into a state of madness, altering her perception of reality totally altered..

The woman begins to feel very anxious, cries constantly and also does not want to leave the house for fear of her own perception. And to make matters worse, the husband threatens her to continually leave the relationship and send her to a specialist, manipulating her, making her responsible for everything that is really causing and creating him..

This film can be perfectly extrapolated in everyday situations in which many people, mainly in relationships, suffer this type of manipulation.

Gaslighting Features

This problem, as mentioned above, appears in an extremely subtle way, since it is difficult to detect both by the part that suffers this type of manipulation and emotional abuse and by the people around them.

It is important to detect this type of behavior and manipulation to be able to break with this toxic relationship and leave behind the guilt and distortions that they can create if we are in a situation like this..

Gaslighting is promoted mainly in relationships in which there is emotional dependence, through the denial of events that have really occurred and the emotional abuser exercises all his power, completely nullifying his will and perception of reality..

The person who suffers from this phenomenon of Gas Light believes that his mental stability begins to wane and ends up closing in on itself, as can occur in relationships of gender violence.

How to detect if we are suffering a Gaslighting situation?

In many cases, mainly in couple discussions, they can give you this type of situation and it is important to detect to what extent we may be being victims of this phenomenon.

Gaslighting Examples

We are going to name a couple of examples in which we can detect this type of blackmail and emotional manipulation.

Have you ever exposed to your partner a phrase or comment that he has said and has denied it to you ad nauseam?

If in addition to that, he has responded with phrases: This you have made up, they are your imaginations, you are going crazy or crazy, it can be a clear example of Gaslighting.

Have you ever told your partner that their words or actions have made you feel bad and they tell you that you are too sensitive?

Or he has tried to take away all kinds of importance, arguing that nothing can be said to you, because at the least you cry or get offended. It is also another example in which we find ourselves before this type of manipulation.

Many times, in relationships, we meet people who invalidate any type of emotion that, at that moment, we are feeling.

In these cases, when there is some type of confrontation or discussion, the person who suffers Luz de Gas, ends up having doubts about herself, trying to seek the approval of his partner and thus, no longer only avoids conflict, but also doubts his emotions and his perception.

In this way, the person no longer knows if it was really himself who has caused this whole situation and ends blaming himself For whatever act he has done or word that he has said and the manipulator, ends up having control of the whole situation, even making believe that the victim is herself and, the other person, the culprit of everything.

This type of manipulation, through the repetition of these behaviors, can end up generating that there is something wrong with ourselves and can generate a lot of insecurity, go reducing our self-esteem and depending on the opinion of others.

Employer of who uses Gaslighting

Therefore, roughly, we could say that there is a type of pattern about this manipulative and blackmailing behavior:

• The abuser constantly repeats that you are crazy, that you are losing your mind or that you should be locked up.
• Whoever abuses, turns situations around and places himself as a victim of everything you do.
• Guilt and resentment always appear. This guilt is usually induced by the abuser. Convince the victim that they are responsible for everything going wrong.
• The victim has a feeling of unreality or depersonalization, comes to doubt their own reality. This did not appear before meeting the person who exercises gaslighting.
• The victim is never right: he strives to always be contrary, even on trivial matters.
• Verbally or physically attacks things that have value to the victim.
• They lie compulsively. In fact, anything that goes against will say that it is always a lie.

How to get out of a relationship in which Gaslighting exists?

It is important to take into account, in the face of this type of relationship and manipulation that you can, mainly begin to detect what you trust in yourself.

Many times, our own body, mind and emotion tell us, in one way or another, that something is not going well in our life and it can manifest itself in different ways.

It is important that you allow yourself a safe space where you can listen to (yourself). Reflect on what is not going well, both in your life and in your relationship.

It is also important, validate what you are feeling and not seek the approval of others, mainly, when we must make excessive efforts so that the other person understands us in a Gaslighting situation.

When you feel that the arguments of the other person are not solid and are invalidating, it is important that you express what you feel freely and believing mainly in yourself, without depending on the other person.

On the other hand, we tend to classify emotions as positive and / or negative. It is essential to understand that each emotion is unique and subjective and has a function. Therefore, no one can invalidate you or question the emotion you are feeling.

Another key point is work your self-esteem and your self-love, Since, in this way, you can establish where your limits are. When we feel that they are invading our limits, we can respond assertively as long as we have, as I have commented, self-esteem and self-love worked.

And it is that, when you learn to love and respect yourself, you are no longer for anyone.

When someone makes you doubt yourself as a person, we must take perspective. Sometimes, it is important to get away from the people who make us feel that intense discomfort in order to take perspective, distance and reflect on the situation from another point of view, from another point of view..

No one can have more power over yourself or yourself than you.