The infidelity It is the act of having romantic or sexual relationships with someone other than the current partner. In psychology it is a field that encompasses complex concepts from understanding why it happens, to the consequences that can affect the relationship.
We all know that one of the most painful events that can occur in a relationship or marriage is discovering that your partner has been intimate with another person.
Although relationships can be the source of the most pleasant experiences, they are also the source of one of the most painful experiences, such as infidelity. Estimates indicate that more than 25% of married men and 20% of married women have sex outside of marriage.
Once the infidelity is known by the other member, the stress begins to be part of the couple. The path back to a healthy relationship is not easy, and therefore requires an effort from both parties..
Many couples decide to seek professional guidance and assistance, as it is very beneficial and can help them in this complicated process of recovery..
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Male and female psychology are different. Infidelity is not the same for everyone. For some, for example, watching pornography online can be considered as a betrayal of the relationship, while for others the betrayal is not consummated without penetration.
According to the definition, we call infidelity to affectionate relationships of the short or long-term romantic type between two people other than those of the marriage bond. But it does not only have to involve the sexual act, the fact also of looking for an emotional bond, can feel like a betrayal of the partner.
Thus, infidelity is understood as a breakdown of previously established agreements in the couple or the breakdown of trust..
In this way, it is considered that for a love relationship to function properly and be preserved for long periods of time, it is necessary that it be accompanied by support, trust, protection, security and, fundamentally, open acceptance, with pleasure and without complaint, both of himself, as of those who are said to love.
Some of the most common causes that lead to the breakdown of the relationship are: lack of attention to the spouse, neglect of the children, abuse, rejection, arguments, fights, punishment, revenge , assaults, betrayal, deceit, lies, repudiation and infidelity.
Most people believe that they are moral and good, and therefore they consider cheating on their partner to be wrong. So how is it possible that those who lie or are unfaithful can continue to maintain deception despite going against their moral principles?
Understanding why we are unfaithful and how they reconcile with themselves can help us understand why we lie.
According to a study by the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, men who have this gene establish weaker bonds with their partners. But its authors point out that it is determining for us, since human behavior also depends on the biological, psychological and social.
From psychology, there are different theories of why humans lie, one of them is the theory of social exchange. This theory states that people evaluate their relationships based on costs and benefits.
So when people experience dissatisfaction in their relationship, they tend to look outside of other relationships..
According to a study published in The Journal Of Sex Research in 2010, it was shown that within the college age group, most people will have sex outside of their supportive relationship.
In short, if someone starts a relationship to meet their needs for support, protection, etc. and it does not turn out to be what he or she expected, infidelity is very likely to occur.
So when the infidelity has been committed or is planned, it would already be giving an indication that the relationship is in trouble..
Another of the theories that psychology offers us to apply why we are unfaithful is attachment therapy, which provides a useful framework to predict marital infidelity.
In two longitudinal studies of 207 newly married couples, it was shown that those spouses most likely to commit infidelity were those who had a high rate of attachment anxiety.
People who develop an insecure attachment style tend to be suspicious, insecure, and with negative expectations in painful situations..
Therefore, those who develop high levels of anxiety in addition to an insecure attachment tend to feel that their intimacy needs are not met and, consequently, they can use sex to satisfy those needs not satisfied in their relationship..
Before becoming unfaithful there are a series of stages that every relationship goes through, since these are not static. The stages according to a study by Dr. Susan Campbell with hundreds of couples, are the following:
This is the first stage in all relationships. It almost always begins with intense attraction, passion, desire, and an uncontrollable drive to be with the other person. It usually lasts from the first month to 18 months (maximum 30 months)
At this stage, the two of you overlook each other's flaws and only focus on the positives, they are ecstatic with each other.
This is when the neurochemicals called monoamines are produced, which increase the heart rate, and culminate in feelings of happy anxiety, where people cannot stop thinking about their partner.
Hormones such as norepinephrine or dopamine are responsible for the so-called romantic love, since they increase energy, generate hyperactivity, maintain concentration on the loved one, produce sexual arousal, stimulate courtship, etc..
Other hormones such as vasopressin or oxytocin are also responsible for producing feelings of intimacy and closeness. While vasopressin is released in men after ejaculation generating feelings of attachment, oxytocin is secreted in women.
In this phase they begin to get to know each other better. They talk about families, tastes, preferences, etc. Everything seems very beautiful and romantic, being known as the honeymoon stage.
But already at this stage the couple differentiates "I", "you" from "us" and they begin to show their autonomy.
It is here when the first conflicts begin in the couple and the first differences appear that distance one from the other. Already at this stage, instead of seeing their similarities, they begin to focus on the differences and defects of their partner.
Here you get to try to change your partner back into the person you thought he or she was, or directly argue with him or her for not being that way. The objective of this stage is to establish the autonomy of each one within the relationship without destroying the love connection between the two..
This phase can last for months or years, depending on the support and willingness to grow between the two as a couple..
Finally it becomes clear that you will never be able to change your partner and therefore you give up doing it. You begin to understand that you are different, and that is also good for the relationship.
With the commitment you give yourself totally to the reality of what a couple is with its pros and cons. Here you begin to experience the so-called balance of love, belonging, power, fun and freedom..
It is a stage where relationships must have a good understanding of their partner's values, lifestyle, and goals for the future. There must be a relationship with each other's family and friends.
In this stage the two people become a team on the move, carrying out projects together such as creating a family, a company, etc. All couples go through the different phases, but not all have the same duration.
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