In couple relationships it is normal to go through moments or stages in which problems arise. The difference between couples who survive problems and those who do not, is usually in the communication style they use. That is, the couples who are happy are not those who do not have problems, but those who know how to deal with those problems..
In the Serendipia Center psychology office they affirm that one of the most frequent problems that couples have is in the communication habits.
If you talk to your partner about a topic but you are not communicating, what happens? Talking is not the same as communicating. They participate in communication physical, environmental, gestural and emotional elements, that facilitate or prevent the message from being assimilated by the receiver.
Couples who have problems often do not communicate correctly. And in a way, they understand that speaking is the same as communicating, and this is usually a mistake. The effective communication is a basic requirement for the couple to function as a team and be satisfied with the relationship.
And we can even go a step further and not only identify the couple with a team but with a living organism. In the words of María José Jiménez, director of Centro Serendipia, "In our couples therapy we observe the relationship as a living system that has its own process and goes through different stages: infatuation, courtship, commitment, coexistence, motherhood, upbringing, retirement and an empty nest".
There are many ways to work communication in the couple. This is often a difficult task if you have a high level of conflict, but it is not an impossible task. To improve communication with your partner you can take into account several aspects.
The first is related to the transmitter (who expresses the message). Whoever issues the message has to be very clear about: what does it mean and what is the use of treating this topic. If we are not clear about what happens to us, it is more difficult for our partner to understand us.
The messages What demos have to start with a positive and constructive tone. And above all, you have to speak in the first person: “I feel that….”; "I feel ...", "This has happened has affected me ...." If we start the message in a negative tone of criticism and reproach, or we focus it on things that the other has done, we have a good chance of not being heard.
That is, it is quite difficult for the other person to understand us if we start the conversation with a negative tone and focus it on their person.
The gestural language it is very important, as is the physical proximity we have with the person we are talking to (the receiver). To improve communication in the couple it is necessary that we take care of our gestural language.
Do not exalt ourselves with gestures that may seem aggressive, although this is not our intention, we must be aware that there are gestures that can be interpreted incorrectly. Moving a lot, raising our arms, pointing the finger, are usually gestures that cause a certain rejection in the receiver. Communication has to be as smooth an experience as possible to be effective.
Address the issues when the time is right and always try to end the conversations by asking the other: What have you understood about everything we have talked about? It is not advisable to extend the conversations until one of the two people is tired of talking. It is better to keep the messages short, specific and concise.
Improving communication is one of the key tasks that is worked in couples therapy. People who have good communication skills tend to be more successful in interpersonal relationships and show greater satisfaction with their partner.
The key is also to work communication with the couple every day and be consistent with the guidelines that must be taken into account. And above all, understand yourself it is a necessary previous step to improve communication.
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