The importance of knowing how to listen

Today I read in El Diario Norte that the psychiatrist Luis Rojas Marcos assures that "speaking and narrating" is a healing tool very important because it puts words to feelings and thus helps to understand psychological pain.

And it is not the first time that I read it, it is important to talk about how we feel, about what happens to us. “Even a sheet of paper stands up better between two”, however, it is not so easy for someone to listen to us or to know how to listen.

Let's look at this example:

Two neighbors meet, one carries her sleeping newborn in the cuckoo, and the other goes with her young daughter. So the more experienced mom says: -Man, that's good! You already have your baby at home, how's everything, how's the delivery?

The other answers: - Yes, my baby finally came out, and the delivery was very painful, but it was all worth seeing my child here. What has been fatal to me is the pelvic floor, drops of pee leak out of me and I don't want to be the typical woman with urine leaks haha.

The first will respond hahaha, ho, yes, mine was traumatic, I did not know the hours of dilation and in the end for nothing, I had a cesarean section. And he continues to speak about his bitter experience.

It is quite common to ignore someone's concern, one of them was saying that she was worried about her problems with the pelvic floor and the other was more concerned about telling her own experience than listening carefully to her neighbor.

Often we do not realize that when someone talks about something, even if they simply mention it jokingly, it is something that they have in mind and that must be given their role. The saying is very wise, between joke and joke, the truth appears.

Frequent mistakes are:

• Ignore the concern of the other as in the example and tell my experience.

• Change the subject radically. And how is your husband?

• Play down the importance. (That's silly, nothing will happen)

• Give advice and solutions. (What you have to do ...)

You don't have to be a therapist to be a good conversationalist, pay attention and interest in the narrative of the other.

Some things that can help us are:

• Be clear that whenever someone mentions something in some way, they think about it, are concerned or interested.

• Dig a little deeper into the subject. Continuing with the example we could ask: And what did the physio tell you? Do you have good expectations? And why did that happen?

• Don't downplay it. Their experiences and feelings are important to everyone, even if more serious things have happened to us, that person needs to tell them at that moment and needs support. It could help: I ​​understand, for you it is very important. It worries you above all ..., you were excited ...

• Avoid giving solutions. Most people have already thought about them but can't or don't know how to do it. Yes, it can be useful to ask questions that invite you to think and reflect on things that could help in our opinion. And what could you do? If you had money / time could you do it? In the example it occurs to me to ask you: Have you thought about doing exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor? Is there physical therapy that takes care of those problems?

If on any occasion our interlocutor is reluctant to give details about something that concerns him, we only have to respect his space, his time, but also make it clear that we are happy to listen to him whenever he wants or can talk about it..

So we can enrich and help without being a therapist, talking with a friend, telling him our things is thus liberating.