When we hear about attachment, we often think of the concept that some authors and philosophers often talk about: obsessively depending on other people, not being prepared to assume the loss and placing our happiness in the hands of the presence of people or objects. determined.
However, psychologists, when we speak of attachment, we refer mainly to the Attachment Theory, formulated by the English psychologist John Bowlby.
He dedicated his professional career to trying to explain how human beings bond with each other and gave special importance to the relationship that we establish as babies with our main caregivers (who are usually our parents), giving it a leading role in the formation of the affective patterns that we will develop as adults.
In this article, we are going to take a walk through attachment theory. It is important that we know it since it can change our perspective when it comes to bonding with our children. It will also help us to promote your Emotional development and to understand even who we are emotionally and why we relate as we do.
Attachment is the bond that is established between the baby and the people who care for it. It is the result of the interaction between the child (as a search engine for contact and bonding) and the parents (as a system of care offered).
It is biologically pre-programmed and is essential when it comes to guaranteeing the survival of our young and their development at all levels..
In this bond, the caring adult can become a figure that provides support and security to the baby, so that it develops fully, explores the environment and feel the world is a safe place. Or quite the opposite, in a figure that transmits insecurity, ambivalence or rejection, transmitting to the baby a vision of the world as an insecure and inhospitable place.
Depending on the relationship with their caregivers and the surrounding context, the baby will develop an attachment style and a way of seeing and relating to the world that will last into adulthood, affecting multiple areas of your life.
Attachment has fundamental functions related to the development of the baby:
Attachment develops over time, as the adaptation between baby and caregiver takes place. It is not limited only to childhood, but it is a process that varies throughout our life cycle.
Continuing with Bowlby's theory, attachment develops through 4 phases:
Pre-attachment phase (0-2 months). In this phase, people occupy a very important place for the baby, but we cannot yet speak of attachment, since it cannot yet differentiate between its familiar figures and the strangers. Can recognize the scent and voice of the person who cares for it, but will not be able to visually discriminate it until 3 to 4 months.
Attachment formation phase (2-7 months). The baby already recognizes the figures who take care of him and develops differential behaviors (he smiles more at his parents than at others, he stops crying when they comfort him, he cries when his parents leave and not when other people do).
Attachment phase (7-24-30 months). The affective bond with their main caregiver is consolidated. One of the criteria used to determine whether the bond has formed is "separation anxiety." In the absence of his caregiver, the child cries, protests, tries to follow him, stops exploring the environment. Fear of strangers also appears in this phase.
Reciprocal relations phase (30 months onwards). The child already understands that the absence of parents is not forever. He has already developed the language and also has enough mental capacity to predict that even if they leave, they will return. The child can continue to feel safe as long as he knows where his parents are and when they will return..
In the formation of the attachment bond the characteristics and behavior of the main caregiver (mother, father or whoever assumes the upbringing) intervene. They are important: your sensitivity towards the baby's needs, whether you enjoy their care, whether or not you respect the child's autonomy and whether you are aware of him.
But it is not about putting all the responsibility on the parents or caregivers. There are other factors that also play a role:
The interaction of the above factors will lead to the formation of the attachment style in the child.
I will tell you below what are the attachment styles and what consequences they have in our lives.
The bonds that children develop with their caregivers differ in their quality. For this reason, we talk about the existence different attachment patterns or styles, based on a differential behavior that remains stable over time.
To discriminate each attachment style, Mary ainsworth developed a brief procedure, which evaluated the quality of the bond and called "The strange situation".
Through this experimental situation, it was possible to place the children in three basic patterns, to which a fourth pattern was added later..
Secure attachment. Having a secure attachment style is related to having been cared for by people who are available, coherent, emotionally stable and maintain harmonious and close ways of relating to your child. The family history to which it gives rise is satisfactory, with a warm educational style that is demanding and encouraging autonomy..
Anxious Attachment. This type of attachment is related to having inconsistent caregivers, incoherent in their behavior with their children, emotionally unstable, with changing ways of relating. Family history is more likely to be unsatisfactory, with instability and overprotective or incoherent educational styles.
Avoidant attachment. It has been associated with figures hostile towards children or with difficulties in expressing affection. Family history is often very unsatisfactory and educational relationships are cold and hostile, which can range from authoritarianism to neglect.
Disorganized attachment. It is identified later. It is the least frequent and is related to a possible psychopathology of the caregivers. Family history in this pattern includes neglect and even abuse. Consequently, children develop a pattern of submission to avoid the aggressiveness of their parents. The resulting family history is very unsatisfactory.
Our first affective bonds determine how we are going to relate in adulthood and also what will be the way we will see the world and our future.
Having had a security base in our childhood, an unconditional, available, effective and safe context, generates the expectation that our needs will be covered and that we will have the necessary resources available to face any situation successfully. On this basis of security and positivity, we will also build our social and affective relationships.
On the contrary, having an inconsistent care context generates mistrust about whether or not we will receive the care and support we need. We will perceive ourselves as unable to promote protection and affection and that will affect our feeling of deserving love and care and therefore our self-esteem and our future identity as an adult.
People with secure attachment, therefore, have more success in their relationships and more clarity in the decisions they make throughout their lives..
Taking into account the above, I think it is very useful to know this theory, right??
Knowing the theory of Attachment provides us with great advantages:
In conclusion, I encourage you to delve into the subject if the article has been interesting to you. You will find that this theory can be applied to parenting and also to the formation of couple bonds, two fundamental areas in our life that we can improve and work on and that will significantly affect our life satisfaction.
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