The phases of mourning Explained in the Kübler Ross model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When a loved one dies or we experience a loss situation, people react in a certain way.
We usually experience sad feelings, feel down, and develop what is known as grief. From a psychological point of view, grief is an extremely delicate and complicated time to manage, so it is very important to know the characteristics of this situation that all of us experience at some point in life..
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When grieving situations are experienced, it is common to experience some confusion and have doubts about whether the different feelings that appear are normal or not..
After a significant loss, we experience what is known as grief, that is, a complicated situation in which we experience a series of feelings that are closely related to the person we just lost..
The sensations that we experience during the course of the duel can be very intense, and can often be dangerous since it is usually not easy to adequately overcome these moments.
When we lose a loved one we can experience symptoms very similar to those that occur in depression or other psychological disorder.
In addition, despite the fact that grief is usually linked to the death of loved ones, it is important to bear in mind that this process can be experienced in any situation of loss, and it does not always have to be linked to the death of someone..
Grief refers to the natural reaction that people make to the loss of a significant being, object or event. Likewise, it refers to the emotional and behavioral reaction that a person experiences when they lose a significant emotional bond.
Even in less concrete situations such as the abstraction of concepts such as freedom, ideals or in current changes such as moving to another city or changing a lifestyle, grieving processes can also be experienced..
Thus, the concept of grief includes psychological, physical and social components that are expressed through emotional reactions of suffering, sadness or grief..
It is also worth noting the normality of this process, that is, experiencing grief reactions in situations like the ones we have just discussed is considered a totally normal situation and nowhere is it considered a psychological disorder.
Not all death automatically entails the onset of mourning, since this requires that the person who is the object of loss has special importance and significance. The essence of grief is affection or attachment, as well as the feeling of loss.
The intensity of the grieving process also does not depend on the nature of the lost object, but on the value attributed to it..
The duration of normal grief is considered today quite unpredictable, since the time period can vary greatly in each person. Knowing when a grieving process has ended is usually complicated, since there are no time periods that can determine it exactly.
Therefore, what is really relevant in the analysis of a grieving process are the different stages that are experienced.
In this sense, the phases of mourning postulated in the Kübler Ross model are especially important, since it allows us to examine the different situations that a person is experiencing in a mourning process..
The 5 phases of the duel are:
The first reaction to situations such as the information that a loved one has died or has a terminal illness is to deny the reality of the events. The same can happen in other situations such as love breaks, in which at first the predominant emotional reaction is the denial of the facts.
This denial that is experienced in the first phases of the grieving processes consists of the conscious or unconscious rejection of the facts or the reality of the situation.
From psychology, this first reaction is understood as a defense that seeks to cushion the shock or discomfort that reality produces at a time when the mind is not ready to accept it..
This first response lasts for a limited period of time in which we do not feel paralyzed, we experience a feeling of disbelief and we reaffirm things like "this can't be happening to me".
It should be noted that denial is a very important stage in a grieving process since it allows us to protect ourselves from the first impact and gain a little time to accept reality little by little..
On the other hand, it is important to be aware that despite the usefulness of this first stage, if the denial phase lasts for a long time it can be harmful since it prevents the person from accepting things as they are and facing reality..
When you begin to accept the reality of what happened, feelings of pain appear. The first moment pain appears, the most prominent sensations are feelings of anger, rage, or anger..
Although these feelings may be present throughout the grieving process, it is in this second stage that they manifest with greater intensity..
Anger can be directed towards the deceased person, towards ourselves or towards other people, objects, events, situations, etc. We often experience feelings of resentment towards people who have left us in a situation in which pain and discomfort reign..
In reality, this first reaction can be considered as a selfish process, in which the person experiences feelings of anger due to the moment of discomfort that he is having to live.
However, anger is a normal symptom of a grieving process. Kübler Ross comments how at this time it is important that the family and friends of the grieving person allow them to freely express their anger without judging or repressing their feelings..
Anger is a temporary response in the grieving processes and necessary to work out the pain. Likewise, using methods of expression such as writing a letter to the deceased person or establishing an imaginary dialogue with them can help channel these emotions..
This third phase consists of the last effort that the person makes to try to alleviate the psychological discomfort that the loss is causing. It is usually a very short phase in which the person tries to negotiate the pain they are experiencing to avoid the appearance of depressive sensations.
In secret, the mourner seeks to make a deal with God or another higher power so that his deceased loved one returns in exchange for a reformed lifestyle..
Negotiation is understood as a defense mechanism that allows to alleviate the pain of reality, but that does not usually offer a sustainable solution over time and can lead to the experimentation of other feelings such as remorse or guilt.
During this third phase it is important for the person to connect with other individuals and activities of the present, and carry out activities more or less frequently that provide emotional stability..
This phase can be interpreted as the moment in which the confusion produced by the pain disappears and the person begins to understand the certainty of the loss. The person feels sad and down, and experiences feelings such as fear or uncertainty about the future of his life.
During this depressive phase, concern about events that previously went more or less unnoticed can increase, and the enjoyment of the activities that are carried out normally is usually very difficult..
The pain in this fourth stage is very intense and feelings of emptiness and exhaustion are experienced. The person may be impatient with the constant perception of suffering and may be more irritable or susceptible than normal..
You have to be very careful with this fourth stage because it can be confused with a depressive episode with some ease.
However, despite the fact that the person may feel that the pain they feel will last forever, in normal duels these feelings do not become chronic and, despite the fact that their duration can be variable, this emotional response occurs during a limited period of time.
This phase of grief is the most important when it comes to relating grief to depressive disorders, since if the depressive phase is not overcome, depression can develop.
The appearance of this last phase is the indicator that the grieving process has been normal and not pathological, and that it has come to an end. After the depressive phase, the person makes peace with the loss and gives himself the opportunity to live despite the absence of self or the lost situation.
Thus, the grieving person comes to an acceptance of the situation through experiencing depression. This fact shows that the depressive phase is of utmost importance in the grieving processes since, although they are highly distressing, the feelings we experience at that stage are the main element that allows us to accept the loss.
On the other hand, it must be clarified that this phase does not mean that the person agrees with the loss, but rather that they accept to continue with their life despite the situation they have had to live..
The person learns to live with the loss, grows on a personal level through the knowledge of the feelings that he has been experiencing and adapts to his new situation.
It is important to note that grieving processes are complicated situations in which adapting properly is not usually easy. If an optimal adaptation is not achieved in those moments, the grief can lead to a significant psychological alteration.
Along these lines, many studies have shown that 16% of people who lose a family member develop depression during the following year. In addition, these figures can increase to 85% in the population over 60 years of age, so the relationship between grief and depression can be very close.
In general, psychological and psychiatric treatments are discouraged in normal grief processes, but they are necessary in pathological grief and especially when grief turns into depression.
For this reason, it is very important to know well the characteristics and stages of normal grief, since this allows us to recognize which people are carrying out an adequate process and which people may be developing pathological functioning..
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