The types of parents they have been studied extensively by disciplines such as developmental and educational psychology. This classification is responsible for investigating the different ways that exist to educate a child, and the most common effects that each one of them usually causes.
Educational or parenting styles began to be studied by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s. For several years, this researcher observed a very large sample of growing-age children and their relationship with their parents, whom also interviewed to collect more data.
From these investigations, Baumrind identified three main parenting styles, which were distinguished mainly in four characteristics: warmth and nurture, communication style, disciplinary strategies, and expectations of control and maturity. Each of these characteristics and the way in which they were carried out had certain effects on the child's development..
Thus, Baumrind initially described three educational styles: the democratic, the authoritarian, and the permissive. Later, in 1983, Macoby and Martin continued with this psychologist's research and identified the fourth style, known as negligent. The model has continued to develop since then.
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The latest versions of the educational styles model divide the four types based on two characteristics: the level of demand from parents to their children, and warmth vs. coldness in front of your needs. Let's see each one of them.
The first characteristic that differentiates the different educational styles is the level of demand that parents have towards their children.
On the one hand, some parents believe that children should perform all kinds of tasks, comply with the rules imposed on them, and generally behave impeccably..
On the contrary, other parents consider that “children are children”, and that they must be allowed the maximum freedom to behave as they want.
Those who belong to this last group do not expect much from their children, and in general they do not worry about aspects such as discipline or the personal work of the little ones..
As in almost all areas of life, neither extreme is good. Thus, for a child to grow up with good self-esteem and have an appropriate attitude towards life, it is necessary to challenge them. However, if this aspect is taken to the extreme, elements such as stress or low self-confidence may appear.
This variable, on the other hand, is nuanced by the following: the warmth that parents show in the face of their children's emotions.
The second variable that influences the educational style of parents is the concern they show for the well-being of their children.
Thus, at one extreme, some people are very sensitive to children's emotions. In general, they try to give them everything they ask for, and they have the well-being of the little ones as one of the highest priorities in their life..
On the contrary, other parents do not care too much about how children feel, but consider that there are more important aspects to worry about. For example, some parents put discipline and obedience ahead of their children's emotions..
Again, both extremes can become problematic. While excessive preoccupation with children's emotions can lead to a father losing authority, totally disregarding them will make children feel unloved and harbor a lot of resentment towards their family..
The two variables that we have just studied complement and qualify each other. Thus, for example, a father who presents high levels of demand will act very differently if he also scores high in warmth than if he does so in coldness.
The interaction of these two characteristics gives rise to the four parenting styles: democratic, authoritarian, permissive and negligent. Let's see each one of them.
For parents with a democratic educational style, the two basic priorities are to create and maintain a good relationship with their children, and to care about maintaining discipline and encouraging hard work by children. Therefore, they score high in both warmth and expectations..
Parents who present this parenting style often expect a lot from their children, so they create all kinds of rules and regulations about how they should behave. However, to do so, they always take into account how children feel, and explain the reasons behind each of them..
The consequences of breaking the rules of these parents are often harsh, but those with a democratic style prefer to educate through the use of reinforcements and rewards. They care very much that children feel comfortable, but ultimately, they always show that the adult is the one in control.
Because democratic parents try to avoid all kinds of problems before they occur, and they encourage independence and effort from children, their children often grow up to be happy and responsible adults..
When they grow up, they develop skills such as assertiveness, and are capable of making decisions and taking all kinds of risks.
For all these reasons, it is usually considered that the democratic style is the best of the four.
The second style has in common with the previous one the existence of a large number of rules and regulations. However, the way to apply them is very different..
Authoritarian parents, because they score low in warmth, hardly take their children's feelings into account or care about establishing a good relationship with them..
On the contrary, these parents believe that maintaining authority is the most important thing. Thus, breaking the rules often carries very severe penalties. On the other hand, children never know the reasons behind the rules, since obedience is considered more important than any type of negotiation.
In general, these parents believe that children cannot help themselves. Therefore, they establish all kinds of rules to prevent them from having to face obstacles or solve problems. When their children make a mistake, instead of teaching them to learn from it, they punish them so that they feel bad about what they have done.
Children with these types of parents learn to follow the rules to the letter. However, this attitude comes at a cost: as adults, they tend to have many self-esteem problems. In general, they become adults unable to make decisions, and with anger and aggressiveness problems.
Permissive style is the complete opposite of authoritarian, with parents who present it scoring high on warmth but low on expectations. For these people, the most important thing is the emotional well-being of their children, and compliance with regulations is hardly important to them.
Thus, permissive parents can establish some rules, but it usually takes a lot of effort to enforce them..
If a child breaks a rule, most of the time the parents will not be able to punish him. Thus, children quickly learn that there are no consequences for their actions, and end up developing discipline and attitude problems.
The role of this type of parent is more that of a friend than that of an adult. Their children often tell them about their problems, but generally do not take them too seriously..
For this reason, when they grow up, these children tend to have problems in many areas: for example, academically, or even emotionally, being able to develop disorders such as depression or anxiety.
The last parenting style is made up of those people who score low in expectations and high in coolness. Therefore, these parents not only do not set rules about how children should behave, but they do not care too much about their well-being..
In general, people in this group do not care about their children because they have to deal with their own personal problems.
Thus, within this group we find addicts to all kinds of substances, people who have to spend most of their time at work, and people who have a serious illness that does not let them worry about anything else.
The children of these types of parents practically have to raise themselves, so they quickly learn to be independent and autonomous. However, they often have self-esteem problems in adult life, as well as aggressiveness and resentment towards their parents..
Although none of the four styles is perfect, it seems clear that the democratic or assertive is the one that gives the best results in raising children.
Therefore, parents who want to develop good parenting skills must identify where they are, and work to get closer and closer to this parenting model. Thus, the well-being of their children and a good relationship with them will be practically guaranteed..
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