How is my relationship as a couple? Do I feel comfortable the way I am? Is there something that I wish was different?
The psychologist Robert Sternberg did a study on the different types of love. He described "The love triangle", which is formed by three basic vertices that can occur in a relationship: Intimacy, passion and commitment.
It refers to those feelings that facilitate bonding, connection and communication in the relationship. The two people support, understand, share and reciprocally give and receive.
Expression of wants and needs (surrender, belonging), desire and sexual satisfaction.
It implies the decision of love towards the other person in the long term, having a common life project for the future.
A relationship in which only the privacy, it would be a relationship of Dear, characteristic of friendships, for which there is no physical desire or long-term commitment.
If the relationship is based only on the commitment - as is the case of arranged marriages in which, from the outset, there is no passion or intimacy - we would be talking about a empty love.
Love at first sight would correspond, then, with the infatuation, which is what Sternberg calls the relationship that is based solely and exclusively on the passion.
For this psychologist, the more components a relationship includes, the more likely it will be to maintain itself over time..
Thus, we find four types of love based on the combination of the three components:
Romantic love (passion and intimacy, but without commitment)
Fatuous love (passion and commitment, but without intimacy)
Sociable love (intimacy and commitment, but without passion),
Consummate love one in which both passion, intimacy, and commitment are present.
In this way, we could consider that love at first sight, the crush, it is really an instant attraction based on physical appearance and the sensations that the other person generates us.
This attraction can lead to a phase of infatuation and finally love, but it is not love from the first moment.
To love it is necessary to accept the other person as they are, with their good things and their bad things, and to accept something or someone, you must first know them.
Below I have wanted to make a simile with animal life, and I have related each typology to an animal. In parentheses the Sternberg's original definition.
The swan creates sentimental ties with its partner that can last for many years, in some cases, a lifetime. Their necks are together, creating a heart shape.
This would be the type of love desired, since there is a balance between the three components. The key is not so much to get it, but to keep it.
The lion is a social animal, with great sexual desire (it can copulate up to 100 times a day), and it does not commit itself only to one partner.
They are relationships where there is physical attraction and a deep connection, although there are no common future prospects, nor the decision to be together in the long term, but the idea is to "enjoy the moment.".
The panda bear is the animal with the lowest sexual desire, since it lasts from 1 to 3 days, once a year.
They are couples who support, care for, share and understand each other, with a common future project, but where all physical attraction has been lost..
This mouse is polygamous, although the duration of copulation can last up to twelve hours.
This is usually a "lightning love", where the couple meets and feels a great "feeling", they get engaged quickly, get married and separate soon after..
They commit based on passion, without allowing intimacy to develop. They are usually short-lived relationships.
The Galapago tortoise can live up to 250 years.
It occurs in long-term relationships where physical attraction has been lost, as well as communication and the desire to share experiences.
They are united by the commitment to stay together, or the commitment to the relationship that was created in the past, and with a fear of being alone or starting a new relationship with a partner.
There is a cricket called "Anonconotus alpinus" that is famous for its sexual appetite. Has the ability to copulate every 18 seconds.
This type of love is based on an intense passion that can be lost quickly. It could be considered a "love at first sight", where there is only a strong physical and sexual attraction.
The dolphin is one of the most social animals that exist.
In this type of relationship, we feel closeness and connection with someone we have just met, who can become a friendship, but over time we will lose contact and we will not worry about their absence.
To finish, could you identify what kind of love exists in your relationship? And in the relationships that surround you??
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