I would like to talk about one of the couples issues that I attend the most in the consultation, either in couples therapy, and / or in individual therapy: Infidelity.
If we stop to think for a moment and ask ourselves: Have I ever been unfaithful? Have they been unfaithful to me? Do I know any family member, friend, partner who has been or has been?, it is very likely that in some of the previous questions we will answer with a Yes.
Various studies maintain that at least 30% of the population has been unfaithful at some point in their life. Every time the statistics are more equal regarding the fact that both men and women are unfaithful.
And since it is such a widespread topic, I will try to answer the following questions: What is behind an infidelity?, Are all infidelities the same? What motivates infidelity?
Through the following classification in relation to 7 types of infidelity (men and women indistinctly) made from my experience in the clinic, I will show you a tour so that you can understand that not all infidelities are the same.
I have chosen the name for the so-called "Peter Pan Syndrome", which refers to those people who have emotional immaturity,
It is difficult for them to accept the passage of time, they tend to idealize youth and present a fear of compromise. It is difficult for them to match and maintain fidelity on an ongoing basis.
They cheat to prove to themselves that they cannot have an exclusive bond with anyone. They choose to live in the here and now.
Within this group, there would be two subgroups:
Couples who started their relationship in adolescence
These are people who have only had sex with the same person. I have found cases that after years, feel a concern for to explore more experiences with different people.
It is not always the case that the partner is no longer loved. It is more of a questioning about what it would be like to experiment with other new people.
Relationships that have been together for many years and have reached a certain monotony
These are couples who don't know how to re-spark the spark and get bored. They feel dissatisfied with sexual relations (lack of desire, loss of interest). Being unfaithful would be a new incentive for them, even for the relationship.
They are people who need to "prove themselves" to know if they still love their partners.
Infidelity would have the unconscious goal of Revitalize the relationship indirectly. They do not dare to speak it and solve it in another way.
This type of infidelity has to do with conflicts within the couple that are not resolved. Infidelity would be a way of expressing them through action.
If there is anger about an issue that has not been verbalized, being unfaithful would be a form of "revenge." It would be something like the performance of a punishment.
It occurs in couples where one party has been very jealous and the other "takes revenge" by being unfaithful. Or also where one party was unfaithful first, and the second "returns" the infidelity some time later.
That there is a desire to end the relationship but they are not able to openly face the breakup. They cause an earthquake consisting of infidelity to have a good reason to break up. Being unfaithful would be a way to run away and cause the end of the relationship
In this profile would be the people who need to be admired. They lack empathy with others, they have a great image of themselves, they think they are special and attractive.
They seek to be looked at, flattered and to be given messages of appreciation. On more than one occasion I have observed that they can ask their partner for exclusivity. However, he / she is unwilling to commit and would bond with lovers simultaneously..
It is guided by an "animal instinct", an impulse, it does not think or reflect the action. He just gets carried away by the situation.
You probably have a situation where someone goes out at night and ends up being unfaithful..
They are usually sporadic experiences with a sexual background. No affection or emotion is usually created beyond enjoying that moment.
Who maintains parallel relationships for months or even years simultaneously with a relationship.
Here we would talk about love relationships. Sometimes they are spoiled, others in secret, and they maintain both relationships because each one brings them different things.
It would be to wear a double parallel life. It is common for the couple to provide stability, security, company, affection, time lived ... while the person who would be "the lover" provides passion, sexual relations, novelty.
This would be the most current type of infidelity with the inclusion of new technologies.
You use the internet to connect with someone you may have never even met in person. The goal is usually to keep virtual sex (sex without penetration or physical contact), sending video messages, e-mails, calls, etc..
Having done this review for the different types, I would like to conclude that they all have something in common. All infidelities cause a wound in the trust in the couple's relationship.
If you choose to forgive and move forward in your relationship, it will take time to heal the wound.
The interesting part is being able to understand that not all infidelities carry the same objectives or the same previous motivations.
I hope this article helps you to reflect on the experiences lived or told about infidelity.
Can you think of any other type that is not included?
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