Women of generations predecessors to the current one had "the obligation" to be mothers, the woman who did not father children was even repudiated and marginalized. Needless to say, about that female who got pregnant without being married. Still, in our times, when the aforementioned phenomenon occurs, some women are manipulated and subjected to marrying. The circumstances discussed in the past could today be equated with the need to work for certain women and the obstacle posed by pregnancy, both for them and for their employer (there is no awareness of work-life balance). A deficiency in the labor system that promotes procrastination or little incentive for such women to wish to father a child.
In the present there are women who assume that their reality and their reason for being is that of not being mothers and deny the biological right with which they are endowed by their feminine condition. They are a still scarce group in our society and although by nature every woman should wish to procreate, it is a respectable position that saves society frustrated, empty and perhaps sick children. Worse are those women who by family, social or conjugal imposition admit to begetting and raising children without wanting or wanting it. These are the type of mothers and their children that we will discuss below.
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Most people want to believe that their mother wanted to beget them, to be born and raise them, however, emotional, psychological and in some cases physical conflicts show that the reality is different, unwanted children and lack of maternal love are more frequent than what socially and individually we would like to admit.
The circumstances in which a child is procreated are very diverse and the vicissitudes that the mother goes through turn out to be traumatic in certain circumstances for her to want to carry a child. And even, we would need to repair before the pregnancy itself, because as Bruce H Lipton expresses in this sentence:
"(...) parents act as genetic engineers with their children during the months prior to conception".
It is an expression that shows that the unconscious state of the parents determines the conception project and the expectations about their child. For example, if the mother has aborted or lost a child, she unconsciously wants to replace him or for the case that we are talking about, if the mother has plans to get a job, the least she wants is a pregnancy..
The unwanted child develops behaviors and unconscious states that may haunt him for the rest of his life. But, if in addition, the mother has tried to abort it without success, the child will carry with him the stamp of constant panic to death and for some, with a tendency to show states of anxiety, depression and suicidal instinct, among other consequences.
The mother who does not want her child is a woman "forced" to assume a role that she does not yearn for, however, some or many of them, once their child is born, are able to awaken their maternal spirit and begin to love their baby. A fortune that benefits the life process of said offspring, although it will be a son who will constantly seek the acceptance and approval of the mother. This being, an attitude that will be extrapolated to the symbolic representations of the "mother" archetype. That is, in friendship, work or romantic relationships that you associate emotionally with your biological mother.
The voids of an unwanted child can be deepened to the depths of heartbreak and total lack of protection, when the mother denies her nature and the mother spirit remains dormant after the birth of her baby. They are mothers marginalized from the gift of motherhood, disabled to give and receive love. They are overprotective in various ways or assume the attitude of neglect with their children.
The mother who does not want her child can become a manipulative and controlling woman who seeks to cover her guilt for not wanting her child. They become demanding mothers to the maximum, who seek to fit their children into the ideal mold that they conceive of as a child, in order to regret not having wished them and get to love them. Said mother is critical and severe especially with the female daughter, with her she competes and competes as she gets older, which is the fertile ground for the daughter to develop anorexia or eating disorders. The mother unconsciously projects her frustrations on the daughter and wants to correct them in the figure of her descendant.
Another type of behavior that the mother who does not want or love her children can assume is that of a Holy Overprotective mother who is characterized by being insecure, fearful, suffering, she exercises control of her children, becoming a martyr, suffers with constancy and is unable to provide limits. This woman transmits to her children the image of a victim, which in many cultures is approved. This mother also has two extreme prototypes, the one that suffocates and the one that behaves like an adult girl, the first prototype is that of a supplying mother, to which more, of all the requirements of her children, she suffocates them, she is incapable delegating functions to them, does everything for them, inhibits their autonomy. It turns the children into its appendages, catapulting them into the degradation of Peter Pan, children trapped in "mother's skirts.".
The other prototype is that of an immature mother, taken to the extreme, the woman assumes the behavior of a child. The children will have to distribute - assuming there are several - or assume the maternal functions completely or moderately, and they do so with two types of behavior: they unrestrainedly absorb their children, turning them into their appendages or delegate to them the functions of mother, reversing the role, is an adult woman-child. The children of the overprotective mother Santa are people who from childhood get sick to attract attention or feel some affection, insecure, lacking protection and self-love.
When the mother has neither desired nor loved her children, she urges them to an existence with deep voids, incapable of intimacy, they obsessively seek approval and their place in the world. They are children with problems of territory, they are not anywhere, they maintain a constant fear of not fitting in, they feel inadequate and with little sense of belonging. They acquire a phenotype prone to diseases such as: anorexia, bulimia, fibromyalgia, hypertension, overweight, kidney problems, bunion, knee injuries, infertility, alcoholism, among others and also to accidents, financial bankruptcies, emotional and work failure.
The children of these mothers are unable to understand that their: emptiness, constant failures, the feeling of abandonment and even illness, come from being unwanted and unloved by their mother. Becoming aware that the mother herself, the one who has loved and needed "more than the air", who has felt as her reason for being and existing, has not wished, wanted and / or loved, is a painful truth and difficult to assume in any of the aspects from where you look. We live in a society that worships and even reveres the mother, where it is taken for granted that all mothers love their children. Few people admit and question the reality that there are mothers who do not love their children and that their own is one of them.
Being unwanted is different from not being loved or loved. The unwanted but loved child has fewer sequelae than the child who has both. In any case, these people need to identify and recognize that their unconscious manifests emptiness, through biological readaptation through emotional, psychological or physical symptoms. Being the same, the evidence that he is an unloved, wanted or unwanted son by his mother.
Admitting is the first step and the beginning of healing. Releasing the hidden emotion that has been sent to the last corner of the unconscious is the second step. The next one goes through understanding the mother in order to forgive her and liberate her from her obligation to love him. The son needs to let go of the need for the mother to love him as she wants. In this way, he can detach himself and accept his mother and himself as he is..
Raising awareness is the water that the arid and thirsty hearts of these children need to channel their path and fertilize desired, beloved and beloved children, because there is no greater cruelty than repeating our own misfortune in our descendants.
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