I don't know what to do The power of situational analysis for change

Many people tend to face life with some complications, be it emotional, interpersonal, financial.

In short, there may be many problems, which leads them to seek therapy, under the premise I do not know what to do?

Even when they are aware of the degree of dissatisfaction they experience from a situation or an unresolved issue, which is part of their day to day, which is repeated, times like a cycle in their history.

However, it is interesting to realize that, for many, the subject is not so confusing.

• The person identifies the source of their discomfort.
• Can describe the course and evolution of this discomfort.
• Yet he insists on asserting himself in I do not know what to do?

Is this so? Is it real that the person does not know what to do? I think not. Since we can know how something affects us, and even specify the origin, we cannot say that this takes us by surprise.

Deep down, there may be a lot of denial. Like a flag to calm our mind, which is not going to happen, because this is nothing more than avoiding the subject. There is a real difficulty, to face this situation, it has to do with realism.

I share here some criteria that I think can help us make an enlightening approach to leave this trap of the I do not know what to do?

I invite you to read this other topic: https://rafaelramoscr.com/desarrollo-personal/paz-interior-como-encontrarla/

Beware of pseudo-denial!

First we have to orient ourselves to understand what happens to us? As a first step to avoid creating a negative, deeply paralyzing circularity.

Well, if we don't understand, we don't assume. When we are able to understand, we put shape, size, origin, to that idea that distresses us.

Remember that if someone wants to get out of something that overwhelms them, and seeks help, deep down, he knows and is clear about the situation that causes him discomfort.

However, he evades it or does not face it, not because he wants to. If not, why maybe you haven't defined which psychological tools you could use to get out of this.

The confrontation, the help, the self-analysis must be oriented, so that the person defines what to do? In the first phase, it can be very strong, as it could create emotional paralysis, since it is focused on pain or anguish.

Remember, many of us know what we should do, but often what stops us is assuming the change, its implications, since it involves a wide range of uncertainty..

This leads us to resist breaking with that emotional structure, which stagnates us, and we may even be used to it..

That is, the person knows what happens? But, for multiple reasons, his way of dealing with it is to say I do not know what to do? And we are going to make up a thousand excuses. After all, with this, right or wrong, we have survived.

Which is paradoxical, because if you know why the situation occurs, how it originated, and even more how it affects us, it is not valid to say “I do not know what to do".

The challenge is to understand this as a defensive, evasive structure that makes us stagnate, to the point of convincing ourselves that it is not possible to arrive at healthy and valid ways of facing the issue, but this is modifiable..

Maybe you can go through this other article on my blog: https://rafaelramoscr.com/desarrollo-personal/actitudes-hacen-dificil-la-vida/

Clear analysis categories

This is one of the first objectives in dealing with a situation. We have to face an issue to understand it and break with it I do not know what to do?

The person identifies the situation, knows its origin, its impact, however, the uncertainty, the fear of change, they develop a systematic doubt, because they want a change, but deep down they look for guarantees of success in the face of that change, as this does not can be guaranteed, since these are emotional issues, you tend to stay in this zone of dissatisfaction.

An important cognitive tool is to do a "situational analysis" I put an example:

Rubén affirms that he is not happy in his relationship as a couple, it is clear that he feels out of love, frustrated, however, he is scared to make a decision, because he is afraid that his partner will have difficulties to face life alone.

From this idea, Rubén does not move, does not make decisions, in the interaction with his partner there is coldness, distance, withdrawal, affective expression, sexual avoidance and a progressive loss of the elements that maintain a healthy affective bond.

He is in cohabiting mode, in coexistence mode, in some cases unstable, problematic and difficult coexistence.

Situational analysis implies, first an outward analysis.

• What are the elements of vulnerability that your partner has?
• What tools do you have for life?
• What does your partner do on a day-to-day basis?
• Is your partner capable of making decisions?
• What processes does your partner manage in other dimensions of your life, for example work, family, social?

All this aimed at making Rubén realize that the idea of ​​his partner's vulnerability is what makes him believe that it is impossible to get out of there, but in reality it is a pseudo-denial of his fear of facing this decision on his own..

When the person manages to perceive, for example, in his case:

• That your partner is a professional.
• Has a reasonable income.
• Take decisions.
• Maybe you run a work team.
• Has a social life.
• Go out with friends.
• Has developed personal and professional interests.

In short, feed the idea that you are not leaving because you are afraid that your partner will do worse., it's a denial that has to do with him, not with his partner, perhaps from these ideas he has disabled his partner, which leads his issues to an emotional load of responsibility with her, but this is not enough to feel full.

Breaking this structure, pseudonegation, from the situational analysis, allows us to unravel these ideas that are the ones that stagnate Rubén. Let's go a little further.

Situational analysis allows deconstructing irrational ideas

Careful! This cannot be constructed as a strong confrontation, in which the person's feelings are invalidated.

On the contrary, it is a process of induction, based on questions and analysis of facts, why, in the case of Rubén, analyze the viability of his position and the irrationality of his conclusions "my partner cannot face life".

Thing that is out of reality, for him to realize this, you cannot disarm his ideas, you have to give him facts that make him doubt his ideas, and this systematic doubt begins to weaken his psycho-denial, he does. You know, situational analysis has to lead you to come to terms with reality..

Well, perhaps outside the affective sphere, it seems that in her everything works, this has to be integrated so that there is a conceptualization of independence in his affective processes, with respect to those of his partner, in this way we manage to remove the weight to the idea that, if your partner if love fails, life fails.

Situational Analysis Destructures

We all go through these processes, but the situational analysis deconstructs, fears, contradictions, ambivalences and ideas that the person usually puts as complications of life in another human being, when in reality it is the person who is creating a perspective of incompetence, in the case of Rubén, without foundation.

The situational analysis must be drawn objectively.

For the construction of a healthy vision regarding the problem. This personal analysis technique, or as a therapy tool, is designed for those problems that the person experiences from expressions such as "It is impossible to get out of there", "we cannot make our decision", "I think I have no options".

When a person has a fatalistic vision, he works on his fatality, he can create greater resistance, because in each thought he reveals this existential fatalism, to justify his permanence in the problem zone. However, if you are looking for help, it is because you really want to get out of there.

The benefits of situational analysis

1. It fragments the vision of a huge problem into very simple parts, since if we lead the person to see that what they imagine, they think, as something not so complex, they may lose their fatalistic sense.
2. When we can visualize that things are not so serious, then the negative generalizations are broken, the negation structures are diluted with a greater probability of integration.
3. Progressively, people may have a less guilty vision regarding making a decision, and stop holding an emotional charge that annoys their existence.

Analysis is not imposing an idea

1. A frequent error in the processes of solving emotional problems, is to deconstruct the person, and tell him that what he thinks, what he feels, is not valid, telling him that he is in error.
2. The person has an issue that he does not assume and does not resolve. Doing an invasive approach can lead the person to feel that their problem is pointless stupidity.
3. Therefore, what suffers, is not only a problem, but it is also an absurdity, which can create resistance to change, and it could be that it abandons the change process and could even create a major crisis, you have to be careful with this.

The situational analysis starts from this emotional charge

As a self-analysis and therapy technique, over time, what I have worked on is to validate the feeling in a first stage, to tell the person, let's go to Rubén's case, something like this:

• I understand that you are afraid that she cannot face life, I presume, as a marketing director of a major company, she does not have the ability to make decisions. What do you think of her capabilities??
• Do you consider that she cannot? Careful! He has justified himself on an idea of ​​incompetence and vulnerability, he must assume, that this is not real.
• Many address these cases as issues of codependency, dependency, family wounds and similar approaches, I am not saying that some of this does not have weight, but will this be the core of Rubén?
• Confronting your ideas, with all aspects of your partner's life, can fragment this position, the interesting thing about this process is that at a certain moment the person breaks this negative circularity and begins to recognize that within the multiplicity of ideas and elements that spin in his head, he is going to recognize that what he has is pseudo-denial.

That is, he is creating a conflict, to explain his personal conflict, what could it be in the case of Rubén? A lots of:

• Fear of being wrong.
• Fear of leaving your relationship.
• Fear of leaving this person, and not finding anyone else or finding someone with whom it is worse.

The list can be infinite, therefore, the situational analysis does not work on possible scenarios, if not on the foundations of their denial to face the problem, this gives them tools to be able to give closure to their issues.

Well, in his mind he has created an idea of ​​non-existent vulnerability, which justifies him to continue hopeful towards a stability that does not arrive, because one or both of them do not contribute to the prosperity of this relationship..

However, if you resolve the idea of ​​facing the fear of being wrong, avoiding the fear of change, you may be able to resolve the issue.

Situational analysis focuses us

• The situational analysis has a particularity, it allows a perfect integration of the facts, since these are as they are, and if we can see them, they do not require analysis, if not to be assumed as such..
• When ideas and emotions are contrasted, with the facts the complexity is diluted, progressively, irrational ideas cease to have weight, since everything that justified this feeling ceases to make sense, given the lack of arguments to be able to sustain them, therefore, the person has a greater probability of integrating new ideas that promote change.

Careful! Avoid minimizing the I don't know.

1. A frequent reason for consultation is the I do not know what to do? This is clearly and widely described, it is based on the reasons why things are wrong, the person is convinced of all the negatives of the subject, but has not invested in an analysis of probabilities, what he has done is to analyze and sustain the inconveniences.
2. It may seem ridiculous, but let us remember that these resistances are associated with ideas of vulnerability, which actually lead the person to experience some degree of benefit, even above the dissatisfaction they experience..
3. Therefore, one must be deeply delicate in handling this. I don't know what to do? Well, it could create resistance, which can bring down the motivation for change..
4. Situational analysis does not work on emotions, it is a technique, a model of objectification and operationalization of perceptions, to move people to change.