Why do I fall in love with someone who doesn't love me?

Simon Doyle
Why do I fall in love with someone who doesn't love me?

Why do I fall in love with who I shouldn't? This is one of the key questions that often assail us at times when our relationships do not go as expected. Although it is difficult to believe, the answer is in ourselves. Keep reading and you will see what we mean.

The answer: lack of self-esteem

The lack of self-esteem of the person is one of the main reasons why we end up falling in love with a person who does not love us. The main problem is that the person tends not to value himself and ends up "deifying" the other person. It is what is known as idealization.

This idealization is a determining factor when it comes to falling in love with someone who does not love us, since when we fall in love with a person we tend to fall in love with an ideal. We imagine a number of things about the other person and we tend to imagine what an idyllic relationship with them would be like.

This generates enormous frustration in the affected party when seeing that their wishes are not fulfilled. In turn, he tends to value himself as being inferior to the other, which fosters a lack of self-esteem.

Different situations can occur. On the one hand, it may be that we fall in love with someone who does not feel the same and that this is sincere, so that an affective relationship with that person does not start.

This can be hard to assume, but it will be the best of the possible scenarios, since we will not have to fight to break an emotional bond. Even so, there is usually an idealization when imagining what a relationship would be like with her.


Another situation that can occur is that a relationship begins with a person who is not in love with us. This will be detected in the lack of details and commitment of the other person, so it is just as important to end the bond and not feed this type of relationship.

Betting on this type of relationship only makes the person affected end up feeling unhappy and unhappy and will fight in vain to try to change the feelings of the other person at all costs. It is a futile fight that must be avoided at all costs.

How to avoid falling in love with the wrong person

As we have seen, falling in love with the wrong person is the consequence of a problem that comes from ourselves. To solve it we must work on our own self-esteem.

Above all, we must focus our attention on people who give us the attention we need and know how to end a relationship in which the emotional involvement of the other party is not what we expect.

In most cases, fears of losing the other person arise. However, we must be aware that in a situation in which the loved one does not correspond to us in the same way, their loss will be nothing more than a long-term gain. It is an investment in ourselves and in our well-being.

Above all, we must avoid thinking that fighting for the objective will make us achieve it. This is nothing more than falling into self-deception and fostering a situation that can become very harmful for the affected person if they do not know how to tackle it in time..

We must know that falling in love with someone and starting a relationship is a life bet and we have to try to make us feel well. Therefore, we must ensure that the other person has the same feelings towards us, and strip us of ideals and false expectations that can be very harmful..

It is very important to know how to detect the signals or data that make us see that we should not get more involved in the relationship with another person. In this way, we will avoid feeding that feeling that will only hurt us in the future..

If we do so, we can get a perspective on the situation and see ourselves from the outside. In the event that we are not happy with the role we have in the relationship, it is preferable to put distance as soon as possible and focus on overcoming the relationship and rebuilding our self-esteem.

We have to bear in mind that, although it seems complicated at first, it is time that the wounds will be closed. Although it may seem like an insurmountable issue, we must focus our energy on a project that excites us and helps us improve our self-esteem and feel fulfilled..

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