Why do I always fall in love with who I shouldn't

Simon Doyle
Why do I always fall in love with who I shouldn't

Love is a feeling that many people find difficult to understand. One of the common situations is to fall in love with people who, as they say, we should not. The reason? We'll tell you then.

A wrong perspective

The first thing to know if this happens to us is that there is one factor that determines everything: it is idealization. And it is that when we fall in love with a person who does not correspond to us as we want him to do it, in reality we are making it of an ideal, of something that we would like to live but that we are not experiencing..

Different scenarios can occur. One of them is that we fall in love with someone who does not feel the same and that an affective relationship with that person never begins directly. In this case, the idealization occurs when imagining what a relationship would be like that, in reality, we do not know if it would be as positive as our mind makes us see.

Another common situation is falling in love and starting a relationship with a person who does not make us happy. This may be due to incompatibility of characters, expectations, life projects, or directly because our partner fails us or is not sincere..

In both cases, the person develops great frustration, since they bet on fighting for a type of relationship that does not live. This causes him to end up having behaviors that make him feel unhappy and unhappy, trying at all costs to change the attitude or feelings of the other person.

Faced with any of these situations, it is urgent to establish a change in the affected person's own mind. It is about a change of perspective, of the approach to the situation and of understanding what depends on oneself, and knowing how to see what is caused by a distorted vision of reality.

Low self esteem

In most cases in which a person falls in love with someone they should not, the lack of self-esteem of the affected person comes into play. This can already come with previous problems, which makes you focus your attention on people who do not give you what you need.

This occurs, above all, because the person himself does not put his own needs first, but becomes obsessed with doing or being the person he thinks the other will like. This makes you tend to see yourself through the gaze of the person with whom you feel you are in love.

Thus, the person in love tends to see and value himself through the opinion and judgment of the other, this fact becoming very harmful to himself. The conclusion he draws is that he has fallen in love with someone he should not, but the reality may be that he has not loved himself enough.

One of the main dangers to avoid at all costs is thinking that fighting for the goal will make us achieve it. This can happen if the other person is also willing to do it for us, but never if they are not willing and clearly show it with their behavior..

Therefore, we must avoid falling into self-deception and promote self-respect, since only in this way can we deal with a situation that can become very harmful to us if we do not know how to stop it in time.

Rationalize infatuation

The solution to this situation is to rationalize the process of falling in love. To do this, we must know how to detect the signals or data that make us see that we should not get more involved in the relationship with another person and thus avoid feeding that feeling that has caused us.

The experience in this sense is a degree, since we can notice behaviors that have already hurt us before. It is also convenient in this case to try to abstract ourselves from the situation itself and do the exercise of seeing it as a person outside the relationship would do..

This will help us to gain perspective on the situation and to see ourselves from the outside. In the event that we are not proud of the role we are assuming, it is preferable to put distance.

Although at first it may seem difficult, the passage of time will heal wounds and dilute the memory of what at a specific moment seems an insurmountable issue. In this case, it will help us to focus our energy on a project that excites us and helps us improve our self-esteem..

Although it may not seem like it, falling in love with the wrong person is quite common, but best of all, it has a remedy. It is only necessary to understand why this happens, deepen our own self-knowledge and, above all, promote our self-esteem so as not to end up making bad decisions that end up causing us suffering..

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