The behavior problems in the classroom, in elementary school children, in preschool and in general in childhood, they are due in many cases to the fact that children receive more attention - and more reinforcement - when they have bad behavior than when they act appropriately.
For a psychoeducational treatment in the child-adolescent population to be successful, parents must be fully involved in modifying these behaviors, since children act according to the context in which they find themselves.
This is a very common problem in children, which you have probably experienced on numerous occasions.
Children's tantrums, excessive and sudden screaming and crying, are a source of discomfort for parents and, on many occasions, children manage to get away with acting in this way.
It is considered within normality when they manifest it between 2 and 3 years, being less frequent in older ages.
It is even more annoying for parents when tantrums occur in crowded places - such as a restaurant, a shopping center, a supermarket, etc. - since they get to annoy the people around them..
On these occasions, parents are much more likely to give in to children's requests to avoid an even bigger tantrum, exposing them in public..
If you want to reduce the number of tantrums, you should follow the instructions below to modify your child's behavior.
First of all, you should know that the most advisable thing in these cases is to withdraw attention to your child.
This is called the “extinction technique”, since the aim is to extinguish or eliminate certain behaviors of the minor. To carry out this technique, you must be willing to endure a first moment of even bigger tantrums..
Think that your child is used to getting away with it after a few minutes, so if you are hours without attending to him, he will have the so-called "outbreak of extinction".
It is also important that you start by clearly explaining to your child what is going to happen from now on, which would go something like this (if he is 6 years old):
"Well, you are already 6 years old and you are a big boy, so from now on I will not attend to you when you scream, cry or kick. If you want something, you have to ask for it and speak like a 6-year-old. ".
If the child has been attentive and listened to your explanation, they will be able to understand it. Therefore, do not repeat the instructions over and over again - since that way, you would be paying attention-.
At first, the child may think that you will give in at some point and that he will end up exhausting your patience as has happened on other occasions. Therefore, in order for him to take your instructions seriously, it is important that you show him that it is not going to happen, that you are not going to attend to him no matter how much he yells.
If his tantrums occur in the street, on the way to school, simply take him by the hand and accompany him to the center, without reacting to his attitude.
Don't yell or lose control of the situation. Stay calm and be consistent with the explanation you have given your child. The moment he calms down and begins to speak in a calm way, attend to him and reinforce this behavior.
Children who constantly present aggressive behaviors tend to cause a lot of discomfort to their parents, since they perceive that they cannot dominate their child and control their behavior.
As stated by Javier Urra, author of the book “The Little Dictator”, It is about children who “They don't tolerate failure, they don't accept frustration. They blame others for the consequences of their actions ”, etc..
Little by little, these children are taking control of the people around them, doing what they want and with the assurance that their parents are not going to upset them. As you can see, it is a problem that gets worse over time, so it should be treated as soon as possible..
The younger the child, the more moldable he is and the easier it will be to put an end to this problem. Therefore, if your child has an aggressive attitude, such as the one we are describing, you should carry out the following methods:
It is advisable that you have control of the children with whom your child interacts and make him spend less time with them if necessary.
Here you should also emphasize the series, movies or video games in which your child shows interest. The media can promote violent behavior.
The acquisition of toilet training occurs at different ages, depending on the child in question. Normally, these ages range between 2 and 6 years, with poop control first and then urine control..
Children sometimes control their pee during the day but have retention problems at night, until later in life. If your child has difficulties in relation to toilet training, the first thing you should do is consult a specialist doctor who rules out physiological problems.
It is a common mistake to try to start psychological therapy without first seeing a doctor. If medical problems are ruled out, several different methods can be started:
Modify day and night habits. If your child cannot control his pee at night, you can change some routines, such as preventing him from drinking excessively after dinner or waking him up at the time that the incontinence episode usually occurs..
If you wake him up 10-15 minutes before he pees on the bed, he can go to the bathroom and prevent this from happening.
Overcorrection Technique Using Positive Practice. It is a technique in which the child is taught to repair the damage caused by an inappropriate action. In this case, after the incontinence episode, the child is instructed to change the sheets, wash himself and change pajamas.
Pee-stop technique. Although it presents more difficulties, since a machine has to be installed at home, its effectiveness has been widely demonstrated. This technique consists
in sounding an alarm when the child is detected to be wetting the bed.
Therefore, the child wakes up and the episode can be interrupted and incontinence prevented from occurring. We recommend this method if your child has frequent incontinence (consulting with a specialist).
Surely you have experienced frustration with your child because they did not spend as much time studying as you would like.
Many parents feel the same way today, as we live in a highly competitive society that places great importance on academic results - at the expense of effort.-.
Another frequent problem is thinking that children should not be rewarded for doing their duty, since it is considered a form of “blackmail”.
However, you should bear in mind that children do not yet understand the importance of studying, so they will not be motivated if they do not obtain prizes or rewards in the short term.
If you want to increase your child's motivation to study, establish with him / her a series of daily, weekly and quarterly rewards.
For example: “If you dedicate 2 hours a day to homework, you can choose between:
As you can see in this example, various prizes are offered to avoid satiation. It is also important that the time of the activity is previously established, so that there are no confusion or conflicts when interrupting the award.
As you can do with quarterly prizes, in which you can offer your child excursions, visits to an amusement park, weekend trips, etc. The important thing here is that you adapt to their interests and find a way to reinforce their study effort.
In this way, just as adults work to achieve an economic reinforcer -the salary-, children will work to achieve what interests them.
Shyness in children does not cause as much concern for their parents as the problems we have described above, since they do not alter family dynamics and are not usually a cause of conflict.
In fact, many children have been classified as shy from a young age and no attention has been paid to this problem.
Today, interest in this type of children is increasing, since it has been shown that children with adequate social skills will have better academic, social and family development.
Here are some specific tips for you to apply if your child is especially shy and you think he or she can create relationship problems with others:
Tell him how to behave with others. Use specific instructions, such as "say hello to those children and ask if you can play with them," rather than giving general and nonspecific directions..
Be a role model. If you want your child to behave more openly with others, act the same when he is in front.
Greet the people of the establishments you go to, have small conversations with neighbors and acquaintances, etc. This will help your child have
a good reference model to emulate.
Do not compare him with other children. Comparisons can make your child feel inferior, so it is not recommended that you say things like: "look how well that child behaves".
If what you want is to imitate the behavior of other more sociable children, try to praise them by saying: "how nice, how nice is that child who has come to greet us." In this way, you are not telling your child how badly he or she relates, but how well someone else does..
Reinforce the progress you show, even if they are small. This shyness problem requires time and dedication for you to notice important effects.
At first, encourage him to perform simple behaviors such as waving goodbye to others, or saying good morning when he arrives at a place..
Reinforce these behaviors by telling him how well he has done, and do not pressure him when you see that he feels uncomfortable in a situation. Little by little, you will be able to be more demanding with the behaviors that you ask, such as telling him to ask the waiter for the soda he wants directly.
Remember that it is very important that you pay adequate attention to your children and their behavior, since the sooner the problem is detected, the easier it will be to remedy it..
And you, what other behavior problems do you observe in your children?
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