The Relationship problems are a normal part of the development of affective relationships. The couple is a social context of interaction with its own rules, norms and characteristics, within which are the couple's problems and difficulties.
The couple usually goes through a series of stages, within which are courtship, infatuation, commitment and consolidation. All these stages have different needs and demands, and therefore a constant adjustment is required by each of the members..
In those moments when the couple does not know how to adjust to the changes that arise in the relationship are usually experienced problems and difficulties.
There are stages in which the couple experiences great changes that therefore require a great adjustment. And this is when conflicts usually reach their highest point (couple crisis).
For example, the beginning of cohabitation, changes of residence, the arrival of children, or the loss of a loved one, often put the strength of the couple to the test.. It is in these situations that the incompatibility and flexibility of the members becomes more evident.. If they know how to adequately overcome conflict, they will build a solid partner foundation.
In the event that conflicts are not overcome correctly, the base of the couple is weakened, thus facilitating the appearance of new problems.
When the level of conflict is high, either for crucial issues (buying a flat, having children) or for more trivial issues related to the coexistence (order, cleaning, shopping), the couple usually experiences a great emotional tiredness.
This fatigue makes the problem-solving process more difficult, and therefore a series of thoughts take place such as “I don't know if it's worth staying together”, “maybe it's that we're not made for each other”, “I think that we are very different ".
At this point, the couple may be in crisis, they are sensitized to problems and little things affect them more and more. Thus, people feel they have to do something to change the situation. They feel like a dead end where You need to decide if the relationship is worth fighting for or if it is better to go your separate ways.
Since this is a difficult decision, it may be helpful to keep these 6 tips in mind:
As indicated at the time by a group of psychologists from the Mental Research Institute of Palo Alto: the solution is the problem.
If the members of the couple do not know how to carry out effective communication based on active listening and reciprocity, the tool to solve their problem (conversation) ends up being the problem itself (because the conversation turns into discussion).
We have to accept that trying many solutions is not the same as trying properly. The main thing is explore what has been done to fix the problems and see if these attempts have been successful. If we always try the same thing, we will always reach the same result. If this is your case, it would be convenient for you to give yourself a chance trying radically different solutions.
It is essential that both parts of the couple assume their responsibility in maintaining the problem. The causes are already part of the past and cannot be modified.
If one of the members of the couple does not take responsibility, it is very likely that they are not motivated for the change. And, obviously, without motivation for change, no change or adjustment is possible. In this context, it will be very difficult to overcome the difficulties and perhaps it is better to do what Brief Strategic Therapy it is called "Healing separation". It is about separating for a few days and not sharing a home, so that the person with low motivation for change experiences what their life would be like without the other party.
All couples have their strengths, and These are the ones that will make relationship problems overcome. It is important that the perspective is changed: see what unites us rather than what separates us or makes us different.
If the couple finds that they have many strengths and several personal aspects that unite them, it is more likely that they can overcome their crisis and improve satisfaction with the relationship.
Leaving a relationship is almost always negative in the short term; the key is how we look and feel in the long run.
In other words, once the storm of rupture has passed, how do we see ourselves? Freer? Happier? In cases where the feeling of relief permeates this projection into the future, it is advisable to consider break up with our partner.
Is about assess or "measure" the margin of change that the couple has. People who are more flexible in their attitudes and ideas, tend to work actively for personal change and this facilitates overcoming conflicts.
While, those with more rigid features, show more difficulty for personal change. Likewise, there is incompatibilities that are important and central, and therefore more difficult to change. For example, ideas about love, fidelity, jealousy, children, etc..
If the couple has discrepancies in coexistence issues but they have similar postures in aspects of life that are key for them, it is good consider working to overcome relationship problems. In the event that the incompatibilities are related to personal values, it will be difficult for the crisis to be overcome without professional help.
You have to ask yourself if it is a relationship that makes you grow as a person or is it rather a relationship in which your individuality, desires and goals are frustrated.
The couple has to be a context in which people get the best of themselves from each other. It is clear that problems are normal and not everything is "rosy", but when a relationship "changes us for the worse" or makes us renounce our goals, it is likely that we are in a relationship. toxic relationship. If you think that your partner damages your self-esteem, it is good that you consider a breakup.
These tips can guide you if you are considering whether it is better to stay together or leave the relationship. In any case, you have to focus on what you feel and think from your needs and personal affection..
Turn to the wise person in you and think about what you would say to someone in the same situation. This approach can help you get out of doubt.
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