What makes us trust others?

What makes us trust others? Why is it that we are trustworthy? What factors influence it to maintain it or to lose it? and once lost, is it possible to get it back?

The development of trust in us is given by the initial bonds that we establish as a child with our parents, because in that period we are completely dependent on them; If the relationship is dysfunctional and unstable, we may develop an inability to trust others. If, on the contrary, there were positive attitudes, we can develop a basic trust towards the world. However, it does not imply that, in the course of our growth, we cannot modify these basic structures, by learning processes or by acquired experience. What, if it is necessary to emphasize, is that the ability to trust is largely learned.

In the meaningful relationships we establish, trust is a fundamental ingredient to give continuity and dynamism to it. We trust because we want the relationship to transcend.

It starts from the creation of expectations about others and the assessment and judgments that we form, based on aspects that are important to us., the values ​​and interests, that we can share and have in common.

However, the word trust has as many interpretations as people talk about it; each has learned in practical rather than theoretical terms what it means to trust or not trust a person. It is a very subjective concept and therefore somewhat slippery.

Basically Trust is an assessment that we make of the intentions, on whom we grant or deposit it, with respect to a particular conduct or action. It is an expectation about the conduct of the one in whom we trust.

Our relational and affective world is built on this assessment that we make of others, based on lived experiences; in other words, it depends on the nature and kinds of interactions we have. For trust to exist, we have to talk about the duration of the relationship and the nature of the ties. In passing contacts, there is little or no trust.

When we say I trust you, we are doing it in a specific context that makes us think and interpret that that person is trustworthy, then when we obtain evidence that what we believe or think is true, we extend and generalize that assessment to other contexts, That is, I value my relationship with you in many ways, for the pleasure of being together, for the support we offer each other, for the benefit that we both obtain, etc.. One of the reasons for us to be trustworthy is to give continuity and permanence to the bond, to the relationship.

The more important and valuable the relationship is to us, the more likely we are to trust and probably be worthy of it as well. We trust family, friends and very close people. We enjoy their presence in our lives and want to keep it, hence, that they too can trust me in different ways. We make these judgments based on the experiences of past encounters with other people. The experience will determine the expectations and perceptions you have about that person.

Interactions can develop from minor exchanges and become meaningful relationships, when the trust placed increases and motivates us to care for and protect them. We value them, they are gratifying to us and that is why we take care of them. In behavioral terms, there is a reinforcement or reward to maintain the bond.

This is another important indicator when it comes to confidence, it not only depends on the expectations that we have created, but also on the commitment of the people to whom we grant our trust, in addition to the constancy and regularity in their conduct.

A relationship based on trust aims to establish compatible and common purposes and objectives that support interaction in a given context. Likewise, it is important that we judge the suitability, abilities and aptitudes of a person to make him a creditor of our trust..

Rarely do we take the risk of trusting someone we are just getting to know, if first we are not sure and we check the trustworthiness of that person and we have the strong conviction that they will have reasons and reasons to comply. To trust is to renounce security. Here we return to the expectations that we have formed regarding that person. We behave in different ways, in different contexts and at a given time. I establish conditions, and correct or modify them, as I obtain new information.

Trusting someone is an option that one has, that is, it is a risk that we run because we set expectations that others will act in a certain way, but that they also have the motivation and interest to do so, according to those expectations. Other factors must also be added: promises, agreements, pacts and intentions, as well as reputation as forces that strengthen trust in someone.

In this sense, we are talking that trust is a belief, it is a cognitive process, then we will assign it and we will accompany it with emotional processes. Here the differentiation of trusting someone and acting based on that trust is important.. Trust is given and accepted, it is not demanded, it is not required. Acting based on the trust granted is action. It is trusted or not trusted, up to a point, depending on the evidence we have. To trust is to believe in someone's promise. We generally make promises to people with whom we have active ties, and we hope to honor that promise..

Other considerations to take into account have to do with the characteristics that we assign to the people we trust and who trust us. We trust some and others, no. Some trust us and others don't. At stake here are the evaluations that we make and make us of our commitments. Judgments, evaluations and expectations not always symmetrical.

The experience in taking risks with certain class of people is a key aspect to trust or not. Intuition, performance, skills, aptitudes, reputation, charisma, motivations, idiosyncrasies, and culture are crucial attributes in making these judgments. They are assets, capital and resources that grant or reduce the trust placed in them.

Trust or bonds of trust are maintained for two reasons: 1) recognizing the meaning and importance of that bond and therefore avoiding damaging it and 2) the reward or reinforcement obtained that motivates me to continue the relationship.

In our affective, family and friendship relationships, having confidence gives the security that we are safe and cared for, that we are in good hands, in addition to reducing uncertainty and doubt. We open our minds and hearts, to show ourselves as we are, without fear of getting hurt, almost as an act of faith that nothing bad will happen to us or be used against us. When this does not happen or we feel betrayed, disappointment and disappointment appear and restoring the original levels of trust will be very difficult, if not impossible. It would be like trying to join the pieces of a glass vase that has been broken, we can glue them together, but the joints will be noticeable and it will lose value.

Therefore, let us take care of the trust that others place in us. It is an intangible currency whose value is incalculable.