The objective of this article is not to know the reason for so many infidelities, nor to determine what are the reasons for infidelity. The article is intended to be a guide for couples who find themselves in this situation and want to do something to solve it..
Some couples break up in a hurry, they separate and do not give explanations to their children for this abrupt change in life moved by anger and the impact of the news..
Others, on the other hand, lie to their children to avoid suffering, which is not advisable since the children need to know the truth, not the infidelity since that only concerns the couple. However, they do need to know that a new stage is beginning with many changes such as the change of address, the organization of the next vacation, perhaps a new school, meeting new friends, saying goodbye to the current ones, etc..
It is very difficult to think from calm when you have to face all this, perhaps the following guidelines can help you if you are going through all these changes:
The first thing to do is consider what decision the couple is going to make, continue living together, separate or seek professional help to manage the new situation together with the children.
Keep living together and live with the secret. Problems should not be downplayed. Sometimes the fear of losing children or facing life alone makes the separation not contemplated. This option is the most inadequate for all members of the family. When a problem is not discussed, more conflicts are generated, emotions are not managed and situations of depression, anxiety and anguish begin to occur.
Separating without seeking help to overcome infidelity. There are families who know how to manage emotions and communicate well so it is not necessary to seek help.
Seek professional help To manage what happened regardless of the decision that is made, in many cases the couple is not clear about what they are going to do and needs to take time to gather strength and then make a decision.
When this crisis is experienced, emotions skyrocket and alter personal and family functioning. All family members suffer reaching an unsustainable situation.
Going through this process with help is very necessary. The couple and family psychotherapist is specialized in these cases. Ask for help, find out and then decide what to do to solve this situation and better channel emotions avoiding the greatest suffering.
Infidelity impacts the balance of the family system, for this reason the help will be for all members of the family.
Each member feels an emotion regarding what has happened, it is transcendental to identify the emotion and talk about the pain to repair the damage caused. Let's look at some questions from real cases, couples who come for consultation often ask themselves many questions and have many doubts about what to do, where to start, etc..
"… Me couple is perfect, I don't know why I am feeling something for another person. What is happening to me? ... "
"… May l love two people at once? My partner is the same age, but I am starting a romantic relationship with a person much older than me ... "
“… I have started a new relationship but I don't know if continue or not, I feel bad for cheating on my partner ... "
"… I need to know how do i tell him to my partner that I have been unfaithful, I cannot continue with this any longer ... "
Therapy is understood as a way that helps to stabilize the couple that is in a state of change, crisis or difficulty. Each couple has a different family and personal history, so the content of the sessions is very different.
However, a task that I do usually propose in the first sessions is for each member of the couple to draw up a list of the situations for which they need to be forgiven, they do them individually and without sharing the information.
In the next session the content of the lists is discussed as a couple with the intention of achieving forgiveness from both, as long as it is sincere and profound..
Before attending the session, two situations usually occur: Couples who are very clear about it and decide to put themselves in the hands of a professional to help them in this difficult process. handle forgiveness and trust. On the other hand, there are the couples that, although they call and ask for an appointment, no schedule is good for them and therefore they have to postpone the appointment because of time..
The organization for this very specific issue is impossible for them and they cannot reorganize the agenda, therefore they have to postpone the appointment and continue with the pain for longer..
My last lines of this article are aimed at reflecting on the time that passes from when problems occur until they begin to be solved.
There are those who think that time heals it and I would like to know if you also think the same, does time heal everything? My opinion is NO. We currently have different resources to guarantee our mental health.
Going to psychotherapy is one of them and as a necessity should be addressed as quickly as possible to avoid suffering in all family members.
If you feel negative emotions like sadness, fear and anger condition the making of your decisions, it is time to ask for help.
I think that time does not heal anything, however it does help to see things with more perspective. To assume that time heals everything is to leave your future and happiness to chance and this depends on yourself, at least in large part.
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