The vast majority of the time, anticipating a situation can be much more terrifying than the situation itself. Fantasizing about "possible" outcomes is very important at the planning level. However, when there is an excess of fantasy and not much action, then planning has turned into procrastination..
Imagination or fantasy is a very functional contact zone in many cases (such as planning), it is also key in my creative processes, but it is not always so useful when it comes to situations or experiences that I fear, since I can then begin to experience tension and anxiety.
This is one of the reasons why the postpone not always a good idea. The weight of the issues that sooner or later I will have to attend, usually only serves to create me more stress and energy waste, even when said matter seems threatening. The reality is that if I do not face my fears to do something, as time goes by I will only feel more fear.
Seizing the opportunity for inevitable and even painful changes requires balance: a balance between action and acceptance. Take control of as many actions as possible for the desired result. Later, when I have taken control of what is within my reach, I can then distinguish all those actions that were always out of my reach, knowing that I am doing absolutely everything that I can really do; Regardless of whether my result is as expected or not, I will have peace and will have avoided generating anxiety about what "could have been".
Of course, for this it is also important to accept my limits. If I distinguish between what I can and what I cannot and still cling to achieving what is out of my reach, without accepting that simply those elements are beyond my capacity, I will very surely feel frustrated, anxious.
If I add to the above that I have not reviewed myself and perhaps I have not resolved social introductions (an introjection is everything that the environment has presented to me and that I have made mine just like that, without having reviewed, evaluated, adapted, processed, accepted, assimilated) very surely my frustration will be even greater because not only will it be my own inability to recognize my limits, but I will begin to perceive, probably unconsciously, the voice of those people who "expect" the best of me.
My conflict then becomes an even greater conflict. Perhaps by this time I already think that I am a loser, that nothing I propose in life "works out" for me, that I am useless, that there is no point in striving if in the end I am not able to achieve anything good ; on a negative extreme, I can think that the best thing for me and for those I have let down would be to cease to exist.
Maybe all this I write is nonsense to you, however I see it quite a bit in my work with patients.
Recognizing my limits, once I have reviewed and realize that I have done everything that is in my control and accept the result whatever it is, is not conformism. Conformity is having given up long before I even tried anything. Conformity is staying in my fear of failure or, in some cases, in my fear of succeeding.
Nor is it about being positive in every failure of my life. What it really is about is being aware of what I am doing, or not doing, in order to be obtaining the results that I am getting; It is then when I can assume my responsibility in every matter of my life and at the same time I realize the responsibility of the people involved in my life.
If I am responsible for my affairs and let others be responsible for their affairs, then I am objective and I can really do the best for myself whatever my project..
This is what being realistic is all about. Greetings
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