If you have finished reading this article, it is probably because you recently suffered a couple breakup. Here are 10 keys to make it easier for you open a new chapter in your life and get over a couple breakup:
It seems obvious, but it is not. It is normal that you want the situation to be different. You may want to feel the happiness what did you feel You may feel disappointment after a couple breakup because your expectations have been truncated.
What really makes us suffer is not what really happened but our perception about what has happened. In most cases the person imagines having a much worse time than he really suffers.
Life tests us when we experience a couple breakup. We can lament how bad we feel or we can accept reality. In this way we will learn to live to return happiness to our lives.
No matter how bad you feel and think the world is ending, there are situations much worse than a breakup. Imagine that you receive the news of a serious or irreversible disease. Also, can you imagine as you read these lines the number of couples that break up all over the world? It does not happen only to you, and if others overcome it, why not you??
Even if there is a third person. There are no culprits. We live in a globalized world in which we interact with thousands of people. If you find in your partner what you want in your life, it will not matter if you meet a thousand more people. What's more, you will reiterate your decision.
There are couples who live together and love each other for life. There are couples who stop loving each other. And it is no tragedy. It is possible that today you meet a person who lives according to values that are very important to you. You also feel physical attraction and want to know him more.
Perhaps it is time to reflect and have a coffee with yourself and then decide to talk with your partner. You have no obligation to be 75% happy if you can be 100%
If your partner raises the need for you to take a "time to think" You can believe that the world is ending You will perceive that everything that you did not like about your partner, now does not bother you so much. Things are neither black nor white. Try to get out of all that mint hustlel that prevents you from perceiving reality as it is.
You can also take advantage of that waiting time to make a list of those things that you could not do as a couple. Recover the memory and the interest in those activities that you liked so much and that you couldn't find time to do. Make it in writing and leave it in a visible place. It will help you.
It seems paradoxical, but since we are the person with whom we spend the most time, many times we are great strangers. Learn to have coffee with yourself, to watch a movie with you, to walk on the beach with you. You will discover new sensations, you will learn to listen and feel yourself. You will value your conscious "presence" much more after a couple breakup.
Why does this happen? It is very simple. When you focus on yourself and what you want, you will be able to decide more clearly what you don't want. Logical, right? As if it were a magnet, the people with whom tune in they will approach you and you to them.
You will surround yourself with those activities that you are passionate about and what makes you feel full and happy. And that's where you can find other interesting people.
You don't need to invest a lot of money to redesign your home. You can change his style so that he is more in tune with you. From a sheet to a drawing on the wall. You can do a thousand things at a very low cost to change the image of your house and make it different.
Above all and the most economical, throw away (or withdraw) elements ... cheaper impossible! Don't live with an image from the past that does not enrich and that will also continue to remind you of your breakup.
Self-esteem is also conquered from the outside. Unquestionably the root is not seen, it is internal and navigates within us. Although we can also work on it, what interests you more quickly now is to see yourself as “great” and not to.
While cultivating and caring for your self-esteem, you must take care of your appearance and your health. Your clothes and your accessories. It is not necessary to spend large amounts of money, and to become someone else. It's about liking yourself.
But beware! do not fall for the sad songs of heartbreak, which are the order of the day. Your ex is not the only thing in the world, and "you and I are one" sounds great but it's not real, remember point one: accept reality.
We are not one, no couple, each one is each one, and the songs do not help to promote the idea of individuality within the couple. Rather the complete opposite. They promote dependency and this does not help to grow as a couple or as a person. Therefore, "master music" yes, but with selection.
When you start your life project with another person, you do it thinking that it will be "forever." Indeed, it is forever, forever that love lasts. The love between the couple may end, but it does not mean that the meaning of life for you ends. Reinvent yourself.
When a person goes to therapy sessions to try to overcome their breakup, they are hopeful about one thing: to help her stop feeling that pain that overwhelms her. And this becomes (at least at first), the main task of the therapist.
However, many times a paradox appears with the above. Although the person goes to therapy for a particular reason (his love loss), it suddenly happens that he realizes that he is not there for that reason.
As the sessions go by, the person may discover that the pain they feel is not so much due to the loss of their partner as due to the possibility of losing their memories. Cries, groans, suffers and feels pain for his memories. The horrible feeling you feel now comes from your nostalgia.
The nostalgia It is beautiful and devastating at the same time, therein lies its brutality.
The term nostalgia is made up of the Greek words us (return home) and something (pain). Therefore its meaning is "Pain for the return home". Its symbolism becomes literal when it invades the heart and mind of the person. You really cry for the allegorical homecoming. And that figurative return has to include the accumulation of beautiful memories that were formed in those moments.
This is well known to marketers and large advertising companies who exploit slogans such as “With the classic scent of grandmother " or "So rich it looks like homemade". They trigger our nostalgia. They blow us up emotionally because we unconsciously feel pain when we remember and since we do not want that to happen we buy the product.
When a couple breakup occurs, a similar process occurs.
Have you really wondered what you miss about that person for whom you suffer? You probably say that you miss the moments together or the beginning of the relationship. That is, you miss the special memories that you formed with your partner.
It is more difficult to say that you miss him / her, his magical smile, his unique aroma, his special look.
And the above occurs because when the bond with that person ends, the generation of memories ends. This story will not have more chapters that are forming new links that keep us in a pleasant and even happy state..
Because this is terrifying, the person clings to the idea of the above as a kind of emotional lifeguard. Something to rescue her from the pain of facing the now of her situation. Holds on to memories.
This is absolutely normal and necessary, do not think that I am saying that the nostalgic effect is not a positive thing. It is because thanks to it we can survive emotionally, maintain internal balance, remember and learn. That is why nostalgia is an exclusively human element..
Timothy Wildschut is an English psychologist who has focused on the feeling of homesickness as a means of controlling excessive desire and suffering from lack of money. He says homesickness is often used to relieve stress, improve self-esteem, and develop healthy self-esteem. Namely, nostalgia helps us create happiness and optimism. We achieve this thanks to the fact that we can create false pleasant memories.
It is as if through it we could edit our memories to make them more beautiful than they actually were at the time. This helps a lot to get excited and find meaning in life..
But what happens when nostalgia for the lost, in effect, becomes something that can keep us in permanent suffering? What happens when this feeling dangerously brings us closer to depression??
Although nostalgia is a term commonly used in psychology, it is necessary to know that its origin is in medicine. As such, it was coined by Johannes Hofer in 1668 at the University of Basel to try to summarize the strange symptoms that soldiers who fought far from home presented causing permanent suffering (what is now known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
In this vein, the conception of nostalgia was clear: a condition with specific symptoms.
Even so, it was not possible to explain why nostalgia affects us so much after a couple breakup. It took a long time for there to be a proposal that tried to explain it.
In 2005, the professor at Murdoch University in Australia, Glenn Albrecht, proposed a new term called solastalgia. It refers to that sensation that appears due to something that occurs in the present of people and that expresses their memories.
For example, if a person nostalgically remembers the beautiful things in their ended relationship, they may feel bad about not having them. However you can use that memory as a way to honor your own life and past to move forward with dignity. However, with solastalgia we do not appreciate what we have at this moment in our life and we also perceive it as a bad copy of what we had.
This occurs frequently in the case of people who start relationships immediately after their breakups. Suddenly they find themselves comparing their current relationship with the previous one.. Most likely, that conscience will send them directly to the abyss of perverse nostalgia or solastalgia as Albercht says..
Much of the depressions they refer to a blur in the present and an excessive attention in the past. This is particularly true in matters of love grief. Maybe when you start to accept that this symbolic homecoming is a round trip and not a permanent destination, you can turn nostalgia into an engine for the present and the future.
When a relationship ends in divorce, you have to assume with courage and a positive mind that you are starting a new life.
The divorce process is not easy. It is the culmination of a stage with the person with whom you have lived and shared many things for years.
They are very complex moments where all kinds of emotions are mixed, including sadness, anger, fear and very deeply, pain.
Fortunately, these difficult times pass, as storms pass. It is important to get over the grief and move on to overcome a couple breakup.
You have to assume with courage and a positive mindset that you are starting new stages, experiences and opportunities to rebuild your personal and sentimental life..
This strategy is key to starting your new life. Work with your self-esteem and rescue the love that you carry within you. It is a constant, intense and necessary work to do every day.
Recognize your emotions, accept them and manage them through different ways:
Loneliness can be negative or positive depending on what glasses you see it with, but above all, how you manage it. There is a part of your life in which you meet yourself in your living space, and another part that you share with the environment that surrounds you
You just have to pay attention to your daily activities and investigate all those stimuli that facilitate your positive emotions: how to enjoy, feel joy or tranquility.
Explore what you can improve in your skills and sign up for a workshop or training course to cultivate certain skills that you may have forgotten or that you want to improve.
You can also learn new skills. Sign up for classes of something really new for you and, incidentally, make friends.
Talk to your family, friends, acquaintances and new people who come into your life. It is not easy when you are in the middle of the divorce process. But once the storm passes, don't separate yourself from the world, don't isolate yourself.
Strategy 3 Avoid isolation = connect with people
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