As long as forgiveness means understand, respect and heal, and not necessarily believe that you will magically forget what happened, turn the page and pretend nothing had happened.
To better argue this possibility, we are going to visualize seven pillars that psychologically make a transition possible between the proven and witnessed discovery of an infidelity and being able to properly say: "I already forgave you and made the decision to continue with my life without bearing the weight of resentment".
Changing the paradigm implies redesign old concepts in mind that define what "should be" or "should be done" in a relationship.
Today, values are being transformed, that is, what was important or mandatory for the grandparents or parents of past generations, has changed for the adults and youth of this century.
To forgive, you have to remove this need to evaluate and criticize everything, to the point of stop seeing cheating as a good or bad thing, fair or unfair, or if the decision to continue the relationship is right and wrong.
The new approach is posed in questions that lead you to reflection and help you to acknowledge your feelings and responsibilities.
For example, does it benefit me to continue with the way of thinking I had when the relationship was bad? What we lived in the relationship made us both happy? Will I make the decision to continue with my partner with resentment and hurt self-esteem?
These are invitations to detect, assess and transform the vision of the relationship and get closer to what helps you feel in fullness and happiness.
We talk about a toxic interaction between two people who can spend months and even years cultivating levels of dissatisfaction such that they put at least resilient in the search for escape and drainage of their accumulated energies, with temptations and attempts of new relationships.
So it will never be the fault of a single person, infidelity is always the result of omissions, lack of communication, abandonment of intimacy and loss of trust, which due to pride, ignorance or apathy are not corrected in time and the escape becomes the invitation of third parties. Understanding this is a crucial pillar to achieve forgiveness.
Everyone has their share of responsibility for what happened, it is important don't get caught in the blame and rather focus on what each one did to get them to the point of remoteness that allowed infidelity to occur.
We can say and assume that Couple relationships They are part of adult life and as adulthood sometimes goes unnoticed, it is necessary for everyone to learn to express themselves clearly and without absurd condescension.
Every action has an effect or a consequence, so if adulthood is part of the relationship, so is taking responsibility for what is said, done, hidden, kept quiet, or all of these things at once..
It is usually something difficult to achieve, but there comes a time when seeing each other and feeling that both have suffered, can be key.
Since when there is an infidelity, it is usually the consequence of situations and nonconformities that were not faced, then infidelity occurs as a reminder that the relationship needs all your attention to repair the weaknesses of each one.
When you see your partner desperately seeking to fill their inner voids with any vice or routine, when you observe their tendency to be irritable, when the arguments are frequent and explosive, when you feel remote, both of you forget to focus calmly and empathetically to perform the following questions:
Since when do you feel empty or unhappy? Are you going through any difficulties? Am I doing something that makes you uncomfortable? How could I support you? Or in the case of having already discovered infidelity, what led you to be unfaithful? How long have you felt dissatisfied??
Ask questions that lead to rebuild the relationship and not share blame. It is about becoming friends again, restoring complicity as a couple and putting yourself in the other's shoes, seeking to understand their reasons, without judging.
For people who live relationships of five, ten, fifteen years or more, it is inevitable to see how the interests, goals, routines, tastes, dreams, and everything that you fell in love with in the beginning, change.
This is not a bad thing, if we are able to identify and communicate our changes with respect and in turn admire the changes of the other, then it will be like watching a tree grow from its small size to give great shade, this helps to build confidence.
They must update their interests and evaluate if they really want to stay together. After an infidelity, things will not be the same as before, the relationship has finished breaking up, it is not necessary to cling to the past and rather, this crisis can be assumed as a opportunity to rebuild the relationship, taking care of the faults and defects, so that things work better.
After smoothing the way through mutual recognition and transparent communication, putting new agreements and limits on the table is the guarantee that the relationship can experience processes of forgiveness, reconstruction, adaptation and transcendence.
The limits are the mental lines between what you are willing to be, do and have. These agreements are also very marked by the freedoms that both would be willing to grant each other, seeking a balance between individual independence and that of the couple..
Infidelities usually occur because the couple does not update their limits and agreements, it is intended to keep everything the same as at the beginning, and with greater restrictions, but they forget that each stage of life brings new challenges and interests, you cannot ignore that. Relationships must be updated too!!
In order to cope with the roller coaster of emotions that occur during these processes that do not have a predefined time, to manage recurring thoughts that come to mind about encounters and lies, to overcome pain, resentment and connect with the reunion, trust and love, having a referee, impartial and professional, will always favor the sincere resolution of a infidelity crisis.
If you are going to forgive, it is to free yourself, to regain your peace, your mental and emotional tranquility.
This experience can serve as an opportunity for you.anar the wounds that this painful fact caused you. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself, rebuilding yourself and making your life continue with a feeling of tranquility and without resentment, be it with your partner or that you decide to end the relationship.
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