¿Can infidelity be forgiven? Is it possible for the couple to become stronger after an infidelity or is it better to put an end to the relationship? The answer is that yes, an infidelity of a woman or man can be forgiven, either in courtship or marriage..
There are several factors that determine whether the couple can reconcile. Among them, the personality of the person who suffers from infidelity, if both want to continue with the relationship, how was the infidelity, the age of the members of the couple, if there are children or not, even the economic situation.
Infidelity is a very painful experience for the couple:
Although many couples separate without being able to overcome the infidelity, others continue with their relationship, but for the bond to be healthy for both in the future, forgiveness must exist.
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A study carried out by the University of Missouri-Kansas City has found that couples who became stronger after a situation of infidelity were those where the deceived could really forgive the one who was unfaithful..
The research revealed that forgiveness was essential to overcome the pain associated with infidelity, being more important than the time, commitment and satisfaction found in the relationship.
Forgiveness is the most important thing to achieve a “post-traumatic growth”, that is, so that a negative experience such as infidelity can be transformed into something positive and provide a new meaning to life as a couple, strengthening it and also strengthening its members. individually.
Many people say that they would never forgive an infidelity, but when the time comes, when there are many feelings at stake and perhaps many years of life together, this perspective usually changes, or at least, loses certainty.
When infidelity is discovered, it is likely that the family or closest friends, usually with the best intentions, will dare to give advice on whether or not to forgive the other person.
But you should not let these opinions influence your decision. You must decide if you want to continue the relationship consciously, connecting with their feelings to determine what it is you really want..
It is natural that at first you are not clear about what you feel or what you want for the future, but as a few days pass the strongest emotions will pass and your ideas will gradually clear up..
An infidelity that happens once by chance is not the same as having had a parallel relationship for years. Nor is the same situation experienced if your relationship was relatively good as if, on the contrary, you argued very frequently.
It is possible that these two situations, very different, give rise to different ways of living or feeling infidelity, or perhaps not, because in the feelings and pain that infidelity causes, there really are no rules.
In any case, it is important, before trying to embark on the path of forgiveness and reconstruction of the couple, to discern if both want to continue with the relationship or not. Both should try to analyze what were the reasons that gave rise to this situation, where possibly both had a certain degree of responsibility.
It may be worth trying to continue a marriage of many years if the infidelity was something casual, only one night. Or maybe it is best to separate if he or she actually feels that your relationship can no longer continue..
Infidelity can also be the product of an inability to handle the feelings that may arise within and outside of the couple. Some people do not value the relationship they have enough value and believe that a casual or unimportant infidelity will not hurt.
Other times, feelings of inferiority, low self-esteem or addiction to sex can be the cause of infidelity. It is important to establish what were the factors that somehow caused the situation to work on these problems and overcome them, if both want to continue together.
Each case is particular, and in reality there are no rules. But whether they decide to stay together or not, forgiveness is always necessary to overcome the pain..
If, after having meditated and talked about it, both agree to try to rebuild the relationship, forgiveness for the person who was unfaithful must be based on some fundamental pillars:
Whoever cheated must admit that he was wrong, that the infidelity was really a big mistake and should not make excuses trying to excuse his behavior. If you take responsibility, are sorry, and say that it will never happen again, then maybe you can start thinking about forgiving, if you want to..
In order to forgive, in the first place, your partner must completely distance himself from the person with whom he was unfaithful..
You must leave social networks if necessary, or even change jobs, if the third person in contention was a co-worker.
There should not be any type of contact, otherwise, there will always be doubts, resentment, anger and jealousy. Whoever was unfaithful should be understanding of your anger and your lack of confidence. You will have to do your best to win it again, if both really want to continue the relationship that unites them..
The honesty of both parties, but especially of whoever was unfaithful, is essential to be able to rebuild the couple on a solid foundation of forgiveness and trust..
When you see the honesty of their words and attitudes, little by little trust is restored and after a while it will be possible to enjoy a healthy and happy relationship..
Repentance and honesty in attitudes must reflect a true commitment manifested through concrete actions, aimed at rebuilding, strengthening and working on your relationship as a couple..
Avoiding reproaches and useless discussions and, why not, doing couples therapy, can be some facilitating tools to achieve forgiveness and the reconstruction of the bond.
For couples with young children, this can also be a good reason for forgiveness - keeping the family together. But it is enormously important that, before considering this point, the above have been met.
That is, once your partner has admitted the mistake, he is sorry for what he did, he expresses his desire not to repeat the situation and to continue with life as a couple, the fact of not disarming the family is another factor to add to work on forgiveness of infidelity.
But without a doubt, this cannot be the only reason. If you continue with your relationship only so that the children do not have to live the separation from their parents, but in reality you do not have a healthy and happy bond, then the children will suffer, possibly more than if you separated to rebuild your lives. Every man for himself.
Visit this article to learn more about managing various relationship problems.
Infidelity feels like a deep betrayal, like a lack of appreciation or respect for our person, it is a dagger painfully stuck in our ego, it is seeing how many illusions about life as a couple vanish, it is as if the fragile bond is broken of the trust that united them, it is like a great blow to the head that leaves you totally disoriented, full of anger and pain.
Forgiving is difficult, but there is a way to achieve it. The first step is to recognize the feelings that appear: anger, pain, anger. Allow yourself to feel them and release them: cry, scream and kick if necessary.
Over time, the pain will pass and you can begin to forgive, seeing in the other person someone who is not perfect, who was wrong but who is sorry, wants to improve to continue a life together and shows it with their attitudes.
To forgive it is necessary to learn to let go, to leave the past behind, accepting what happened and trying to use it in a positive way, to learn and strengthen ourselves.
The other person must understand that for a time there will be questions, doubts and mistrust, and must be willing to deal with these situations with understanding, until the wounds heal and trust is restored..
Forgiveness is not mandatory or necessary. Sometimes the person who was unfaithful does not even regret their actions, does not apologize or does not assume responsibility and in these cases, it will be impossible to forgive and restore a healthy relationship..
In the event that both of you have a desire and a commitment to continue working together on your relationship, but as time passes you cannot forgive the infidelity, perhaps there are other underlying issues to resolve, in addition to the infidelity itself..
In these cases, it may be a good idea to have professional help from a psychotherapist for example.
In short, forgiving is not easy, but it is perfectly possible. The path begins with the desire to give yourself a new opportunity, leave the past behind and look forward with hope, with the mutual commitment to put the best of each one of us to strengthen the couple again..
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