The guilty feeling it is completely normal and is actually adaptive; helps you to maintain personal relationships with your relatives and therefore to survive.
However, there are times when it is exaggerated, has no real reason, or is too frequent. That's when you have to find ways to overcome it, as it becomes really unpleasant and becomes a major obstacle on the path to well-being..
Guilt is formed from childhood and is part of the human characteristic of forming social structures and norms. It is therefore a way of maintaining public, family and relational order.
Therefore, its origin is social, in fact practically all the cultures of the world promote the feeling of guilt from childhood. In some cases internal guilt is promoted ("you are bad for not studying") and in others external guilt (public humiliation).
Over time the rules that are learned from childhood, begin to be part of the values of each one.
This feeling is influenced by several factors: family, personal, social and cultural. That is, it will not be the same if you live in a culture that places a lot of importance on religion than if it is not so important. And it will also depend on whether guilt is encouraged in your family or not..
It usually arises when we feel that we are hurting other people. Some common cases are:
In some cases that feeling may be more or less justified, although in others it is totally maladaptive, that is, it will not fulfill any other function than to promote your discomfort..
For example, when you are happy and you feel guilty because other people are unhappy. In that case, you have probably learned that the happiness of others is more important than your own..
As I have said, the feeling of guilt is beneficial because it allows you to adapt socially and avoid being impulsive.
If guilt did not exist, the human being would not continue to exist. Therefore, it allows us to feel empathy for others and prevents us from doing harm to others.
It is in this case when this sensation becomes very harmful, unpleasant and painful. So great is its strength that it can control the will of a person and, in fact, manipulative people use it to take advantage of others.
The worst case scenario is when we feel guilt for something that is totally foreign to us. For example:
In these cases, the ease with which guilt arises may be due to the fact that the person has been punished and reproached often and for minor causes. Also, low self-esteem always makes the situation worse..
Generally, the more a person has a need for approval by others, the more guilt or discomfort they feel..
On the one hand, if you do something that will not be approved, even if it is nothing wrong, you will feel guilty. For example, a woman who dresses in daring clothes and whose family is traditional.
On the other hand, you will feel discomfort, since it is likely that you adjust to the wishes of others and not your own, thus leading to discomfort. For example, a 25-year-old boy who still lives with his parents because he would feel guilty about leaving them alone.
Sometimes a sincere apology can be really liberating. It can be the most logical but very often it is not fulfilled and, if it is done, it can be a great relief.
Did you have an argument with a family member to whom you said something that you should not have? Maybe a simple apology will fix things and make you feel better.
This technique is based on examining the situations that led to guilt and logically assigning responsibility to each person.
It is not about freeing yourself from all responsibility, but about giving each member the responsibility they deserve and not assigning it all to you. For example, in the case of a couple breakup:
-What events led to the breakup? Could part of the responsibility be attributed to your ex?
You can reflect and, if it helps, write the new "reattribution".
If, for example, you feel guilty about being with another woman or man outside of your marriage, you have two options:
In either case, it is your responsibility to choose to remove the blame and accept yourself. You will only have to make the decision that you deem most convenient.
Yes, just the opposite of what most people do. I do not mean that you really harm others or that you commit antisocial acts, but that from now on, really do what you want and that you do not try to adjust to the wishes of others..
It's basically doing whatever you want as long as you don't do someone psychological or physical harm. Examples:
Look at the past as something that cannot be changed but what to learn from. On the other hand, live more in the present.
Write a guilt journal and write down all the times you feel guilty, carefully writing down why, when and with whom it happens and what you are losing in the present by worrying about the past. The diary can undoubtedly give you some internal insights into your area of particular guilt..
Assess the true consequences of your behavior. Instead of looking for mystical feelings to determine the affirmations and denials in your life, determine yourself if the results of your actions have been pleasant and productive for you..
Try to teach those close to you and who try to manipulate you through guilt that you are very capable of dealing with disappointments caused by your behavior. For example: "Manuel, it is your decision to be angry because I feel like staying home and not going to see the game".
Question social rules: why do you have to feel guilty about not going to mass? And for not doing the dishes? And for not doing what others do?
And do you have feelings of guilt? How do you try to overcome them? You can comment below. I am interested in your opinion! Thanks.
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