The parental alienation syndromeIt is a term that is used to describe a series of specific behaviors that some children show towards one of their parents, supposedly due to the manipulation of the other. Among the most common behaviors are displays of fear, hostility, and disrespect.
Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS was first described by Richard Gardner, a child psychiatrist who was studying the typical behaviors of parents and children after a separation or divorce. Thus, this syndrome would occur when the mother or father try to turn the children against the other.
At present, parental alienation syndrome is not officially considered a psychiatric disorder. Both Gardner's original theories and the research he carried out on the subject have been questioned by numerous mental health professionals, due to problems with the study methodology he used.
However, Gardner's theory also has a large following, and it can be very useful in explaining certain events that occur in separation or divorce proceedings. Despite not being included in any of the most important psychology manuals, parental alienation syndrome can provide clarity on certain family situations.
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Richard Gardner described the parental alienation syndrome as a series of symptoms that occur in a child when one of his parents, consciously or unconsciously, dedicates himself to belittling the other with the aim that the son loses respect for him and is put in his against.
The symptoms of SAP described by Gardner, therefore, occur in the child despite being caused by the behavior of one of his parents. Originally, this psychiatrist described eight common symptoms, which we will see below:
- Hatred and personal attacks against the attacked parent.
- Weak or even absurd rationalizations to justify hatred.
- Lack of ambivalence about the attacked parent.
- Phenomenon of the "independent thinker".
- Automatic support for the attacking parent.
- Absence of guilt caused by own behavior.
- Copy of stories told by preferred parent.
- Extension of hatred towards the family of the attacked parent.
The first symptom that tends to appear in cases of parental alienation syndrome is the repetition by the child of complaints, attacks or insults against his father or mother.
The episodes in which this occurs are very common, to the point that in a high percentage of cases they occur every time the child talks about his parent.
For example, the child may complain about things that they believe their parent has done wrong, or make personal attacks against them (for example, calling them insensitive, arrogant or manipulative). In addition, they will generally express their desire not to see you again..
At the same time that the child shows great animosity towards one of his caregivers, he is usually unable to explain why he feels this way. Generally, the reasons he gives to justify his attacks do not make much sense, and they do not withstand rational questioning by an expert..
Generally, people are able to find points both for and against other individuals. This is what is known as “ambivalence”: even in cases where we do not like someone, we can usually see their positive points, especially if it is someone close to us.
However, children with parental alienation syndrome do not have this feature. On the contrary, they see one of their parents as perfect, and the other as someone horrible, without being able to find nuances in their opinion about either of them..
One of the most peculiar symptoms of PAS is that it causes children to place special emphasis on the idea that their ideas about the parent they hate are their own, and that they are not being influenced by another person. Those who show this symptom justify themselves in this sense even when nothing has been mentioned about it.
However, according to Gardner, hatred towards one of the parents is always caused by the actions of the other. Because of this, the phenomenon of the independent thinker would be nothing more than an attempt to justify what is really happening..
Children suffering from parental alienation syndrome will always take the side of the parent they see as “good”, no matter what topic is being discussed or what they know about it. This usually occurs, for example, in family discussions or in debates in which the attacked parent is mentioned.
In fact, children with PAS often show opinions contrary to that of the parent that they see as "bad", simply with the aim of disagreeing with him..
Another symptom presented by these children is the absence of guilt. They can be very disrespectful, saying or doing horrible things without regret. Generally, they show great disdain for their parent's emotions, and do not stop to think before attacking in ways that can be very serious..
Despite the fact that children with PAS claim that their opinions have been formed independently, when asked to give examples of the negative behaviors of their parent, they tend to copy the opinion of the other word for word. This shows that their beliefs are totally influenced by one of the parents.
Finally, in the most extreme cases, the child may extend the animosity he feels towards his parent to other people close to him, such as family members, friends or colleagues..
Due to the lack of serious research on the subject, it is not known exactly what can cause the appearance of SAP. However, it is believed that in most cases it is caused by a series of behaviors on the part of the attacking parent, which would have to do with different personality problems.
According to experts in the field, the parent considered "good" often has traits related to problems such as narcissism or borderline personality disorder. Both disorders are often accompanied by difficulties such as lack of empathy, attempts at manipulation, and victimhood..
The consequences produced by the parental alienation syndrome can be very serious, to the point that in some parts of the world this phenomenon is considered a type of child abuse.
PAS occurs when a parent tries to manipulate their child into taking their side in an "emotional battle." The problem with this is that children, to develop in a healthy way, need the support of both. However, this syndrome causes the children to end up not receiving the support of any of them.
On the one hand, when developing an irrational hatred towards one of his parents, the child himself will be the one who decides to move away from him. As if this were not enough, the attacking parent is putting their own needs before those of their child, which generates a whole series of negative consequences.
Children with parental alienation syndrome often end up in codependent relationships with a parent with whom they get along. This can lead to long-term problems such as poor self-esteem, inability to maintain healthy relationships, depression, anxiety, and difficulties in all areas of life..
Unfortunately, the parental alienation syndrome is a very complex and complicated phenomenon to solve. Due to this, most experts believe that it is much easier to prevent its appearance than to solve it once it has developed. To achieve this, it is essential that the parents maintain cordiality during their separation.
However, in cases where this syndrome has already appeared, there are some alternatives to try to alleviate its symptoms. The approach proposed by Gardner was very controversial, since it was based on forcing the child to live with the parent he hates, with the aim of making him realize that he was not really his enemy.
Unfortunately, getting a child to agree to live with a parent they hate often involves the use of coercion or force. Because of this, this solution is not commonly used, and it is one of the main reasons why Gardner's theory has such a bad reputation among many psychologists..
Other more complicated alternatives but that can give good results are the "deep" type therapies. Its main objective is to find traumas and unresolved conflicts in the life of the individual, and try to solve them through dialogue, reflection and changes in lifestyle.
Finally, more conventional therapies such as cognitive-behavioral and acceptance and commitment therapy can be effective in alleviating some of the symptoms caused by this syndrome. However, if the underlying problem is not addressed, it will often be impossible to make them go away completely..
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