Empty Nest Syndrome The emancipation of children

Carlota is 18 years old and has received a scholarship to start her university career in Paris, so in a few months she is ready to collect her things to go to the neighboring country for a long time. She is really happy and satisfied, but she also feels fear and nervousness. What will it be like to live alone for the first time without my family? Will I be able to take good care of myself and take care of myself? How can my parents be without me? These are some of the questions that she faces in this new adventure.

But, What questions are your parents asking? How do you feel about the departure of a family member? This is the subject that concerns us, since Carlota we know will develop perfectly in Parisian lands.

The emancipation of children marks the beginning of a change of cycle in the family. The output of one of the elements that make up the family dynamics causes a readjustment in relationships between family members.

If we understand the family as a system that over the years has managed to find a balance, more or less functional, we can understand that when a part of the system is missing or changed, it has to be readjusted in many ways, not only at a general level..

Subsystems also have to change and adjust to novelty. But what is called a subsystem? For example, one subsystem will be the one formed by Carlota and her mother, another will be the one formed by father and daughter, another will be the one formed by the couple, etc. Thus, until the family combinatorics is formed, that is, all the possible two-to-two relationships depending on the number of relatives there are..

The PAREJA subsystem, that is, Carlota's father and mother, will be one of the ones that has to work the most to adapt to the new situation.

Let's think that Carlota's parents have been parents for 18 years, raising, educating and watching their children grow up. They have lost time as a couple and even dedication to themselves to occupy it in the family. What will we do with that time that we will no longer occupy in Carlota because we are away from home?

In some cases, parents may feel victorious since they have fulfilled their objective, to teach autonomy and independence so that their children are prepared at that time. Thus, these parents may even feel relieved and will activate their life as a couple again in a healthy way..

On the other hand, the process can be experienced as something traumatic since it can lead to a certain feeling of emptiness and experienced as a loss or abandonment. Uncertainty can take over the couple and they may feel lost, aimlessly. What do we do now? This is commonly called the Empty Nest Syndrome.

The adaptive process Before which Carlota's parents find themselves, it is gradual and transitory. It is understandable that it is experienced as a loss, but in reality it is a change that can be very positive for the couple.

Here I offer you alunas recommendations positive for the couple:

• Talk more as a couple, spend more time. Perhaps in recent years the most recurrent theme is that of children. Now it will also occupy an important part, but it is positive to be able to talk about them, about how they feel and what they need in these circumstances.

• Find leisure activities together, plans that are to the liking of both. It may be time to travel, go for a walk, learn computers ...

• • Revive the intimacy and sexuality of the couple. With the children at home, it is sometimes difficult to feed this area of ​​the couple. But now, it may be a good time!

• Support each other during the change. If one member of the couple experiences it worse, the other can develop a role of facilitator of change.

• Reactivate the social life of the couple. Being more in touch with friends can go a long way. Sharing the situation and talking about what it makes us feel with other people who are going through the same changes can be very healthy.

• Readjust the role with respect to the emancipated son or children. Always be in help and support but from a further point.

Leaving the children's home is a important milestone in family history, but it does not have to be lived as something negative. It is normal that it takes time to process because it is an important change, but this moment can be used to reactivate a life as a couple that has been able to suffer for years.